IF Only
by castlefan6
Summary: This is my AU version of an alternate ending to Love and Die in LA. Some Angst, some canon but mostly AU. All things are the same till the Ganz ending. I really wanted more from this episode on TV, so trying my hand at it. Thanks WARNING MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH CHAPTER 19 READ AT YOUR OWN RISK
1. Chapter 1

If Only

 **by Castlefan6**

Authors Note **:** This is my **AU version** of an alternate ending to Love and Die in LA. Some Angst, some canon but **mostly AU**. All things are the same till the Gantz ending, Previously notes courtesy of Dust Jackets dot com.

I don't own Castle, I use the characters for amusement purposes only

 **Chapter 1**

 **Previously from Canon, courtesy of Dust Jackets dot com.**

 **Inside Castle's Suite**

 **Couch in Common Area**

I was so in awe of him, Castle, when I first met him. I just hung on his every word. And then later I realized he was just making up stories to mess with me. (she laughs, then grows serious) I can't believe that I'm never going to see him again.

CASTLE

You know what I thought when I first met you?

BECKETT

Hmm?

CASTLE

(cautious) That you were a mystery that I was never gonna solve. Even now, after spending all this time with you I'm … I'm still amazed at the depth of your strength, your heart … and your hotness.

She smiles.

BECKETT

You're not so bad yourself, Castle.

They're sharing a moment, but neither one wants to make a move to define it. After a long moment of just being, BECKETT breaks it.

BECKETT

I should go. It's late. Good night.

CASTLE

Kate.

She's at her door.

BECKETT

Good night, Castle.

She shuts the door, but instead of going to bed she leans up against the bedroom door. With the space, she tries to work through what just happened. CASTLE is still sitting on the couch, his eyes trained on the door she just shut. Inside, BECKETT is thinking, trying to decide if she should let it go or if she should go back out to him. She wants to go back out, but she's not sure what will happen if she does. CASTLE stands, his eyes still on the door. On the other side, BECKETT moves towards the door handle. Her hand pauses but after a moment she just does it. She pushes the door handle down and the door opens. She went back, but she's too late. The room is empty, and CASTLE'S door is shutting. She's let down, but she closes the door once again.

CASTLE

So how close did you come? With Ganz?

She was closer than she wants to admit. And she doesn't want to admit that having him there was a big reason in her final decision.

BECKETT

Let's go home, Castle.

 **INSIDE – AIRPLANE, LOS ANGELES TO NEW YORK**

She's in first class again; this time she has the window seat. Rick left her to fly to his next destination, something very mysterious about how he was so secretive when she asked where and for how long.

He had been his polite self, perhaps too polite, almost like she was a stranger and he was on his best behavior. Something was off with him, he seemed nothing like the man she had almost come back out of her room for, story of her life, almost and too late.

She unfolds the papers in her hand as she reads Royce's letter again.

ROYCE

(voiceover) And now for the hard part, kid. It's clear that you and Castle have something real. And you're fighting it. But trust me. Putting the job ahead of your heart is a mistake. Risking our hearts is why we're alive. The last thing you want is to look back on your life and wonder, if only.

She considers this and looks towards the space where the man who should be next to her would be but is off somewhere doing something, she has no idea what. Was Royce right all this time, and she missed it all? She thinks for a long moment, just taking in the presence of the absence of Rick next to her before she folds up Royce's letter. She tears up, conflicted. Maybe he was right. And now it's her turn to do something about it.

 **LAX Airport**

 **Three Gates Down from New York Flight, Same Time**

Rick is sitting in the waiting area facing out so he could see Kate's flight push back from the gate, soon she would be on her way back to New York, and he one step closer to getting over some fantasy his mind and heart keep chasing. There comes a time in a man's life he needs to grow up and accept things for how they actually are, not how he wanted them to be. Kate Beckett was not in love with him, never had been nor never would be.

He thought he was on to something a few nights ago in his suite, but as always, she broke a tender moment between the two of them and made her exit. Get a grip Rick, you've been dumped before, hell she isn't even dumping you since you can't end what never started.

He really hadn't thought out where he was going so, he couldn't tell Beckett, but at least she could rest easy now, Royce had been avenged through the justice system. Her jet pushed back and as he watched it taxi out of sight, then on the long runway and then she was gone, in flight back to New York and all that her life considered important, he was sure he didn't fit that bill.

Now what the Hell was he going to do for the next few weeks, or however long it took for his broken heart to heal. He couldn't be angry at her, it wasn't her fault she didn't feel the same about him. She had tried hard to make up hurt feelings caused when she was with Doctor Motorcycle Boy after she kicked his ass to the curb a few months ago. Well at least they parted friendly, and she'd understand some day, if she even missed him at the precinct at all.

As he looked up the gate, he was sitting at was departing for Las Vegas in one hour, 15 minutes, so using his VIP status he booked the last first-class seat, and called his favorite hotel, The Cosmopolitan to arrange his lodging.

Dan Tanaka was his personal concierge, and always made sure he was happy, and as his voice came on the line,

"Rick, I understand we had some last-minute changes to your schedule, and you need accommodations for a couple of weeks? I got you covered 52nd Floor Penthouse, if you need to stay longer just give me a couple of days notice, and as always check in as Jamison Rook, or your doorway will be full of ladies undergarments."

"Dan, you have no idea how much I appreciate you, I'll look for the driver when I land, and Thanks again my friend, Greatly Appreciated. I'll see you in a few hours"

"No Problem Rick, always happy to help one of our best customers, see you in a few hours"

Now he had to call Alexis and Martha and let them know that he would be extending his trip and not sure exactly what was going on, he was doing research, yeah, that sounded good, for a new character he had just thought up.

The conversation went exactly like he thought it would, Alexis checking all the details to make sure he was OK, and Martha adding her jabs about running and hiding from his detective would never solve anything, what a role model for true, everlasting love Rick thought to himself with a laugh.

If he hadn't lived through most of Martha's disasters it would be comical, but the irony now was the last charlatan she thought the sun had risen in, had taken her life savings and she was forced to live with him. He had tried to buy her own apartment, but truth was he truly believed that she was now afraid to be on her own. Even as meddlesome as she was, he had to protect her, she was his Mother.

Rick enjoyed a light snack in the Executive Lounge and three fingers of his favorite single malt liquor, (don't call it Scotch) and was almost dozing when and attractive attendant called his name, and informed him his flight would be boarding in 5 minutes. She also left her business cars, and winked, "Should you ever need any personal assistance, please call".

Innocent enough to all around, but Rick knew exactly what she meant, unfortunately, as attractive as she was he finally understood the old saying of wives and girlfriends, "I'm not in the mood" as he certainly could think of many things he would enjoy, unfortunately Beckett, or the fantasy of Beckett had put his sex drive in low gear.

As he boarded the plane and found his seat, 2B, aisle by left wing facing pilot, he stowed his laptop and personal belonging overhead. Janice, one of the flight attendants took his sport coat and hung it neatly on a rack, returning the claim ticket to him. His drink was set neatly on the flight napkin on the center, as a beautiful blonde woman climbed though the open space to take her seat 2A.

"I'm so very sorry I had to climb over you like that, it wasn't very lady like" she apologized.

"No, no apologies needed, and if it helps, I turned my head toward the aisle, but I think the perv next row over across the aisle was straining to see, almost had a heart attack" he smiled.

Such a beautiful laugh erupted from the blonde lady, she laughed from her soul just like, oh stop that he chastised himself, but couldn't help but smile as she continue her laugh.

"That's funny, thanks for making a terrible day better, much better, eh, my name is Darlene Marzano," as she extended her hand in a hand shake.

"Rick, Rick Rogers" as he returned her handshake. She leaned into him and whispered,

"OK Mr. Castle, but I am a big fan of yours and I know who you are, so we'll keep it Rogers to protect you from getting raped by some of the horny females on board"

Now it was Rick's turn to laugh from his soul, and Darlene smiled as the tears came out of his eyes, he was laughing so hard.

"Well you made a pretty Shitty day, sorry for the language, into a good one yourself Darlene. May I ask why you heading to Vegas, work or pleasure?"

"Well, I guess business at first, then some pleasure, I hope. My husband wants our marriage annulled, and he has the contacts in Vegas to push it through, it's where we got married 5 months ago."

"Your husband? Wants a divorce after 5 months with such a beautiful lady like yourself. He has to be crazy, I'm sorry that's none of my business, I should keep my thoughts to myself" Rick apologizes,

"Oh, that's perfectly OK, in fact I really have been suffering from self esteem issues since Wayne told me, I thought my God, I got fat and I'm not desirable to men, then he really floored me, he told me he was leaving me for another man.

I mean I was feeling low enough thinking I hadn't satisfied him, and another woman had taken my man, but when he told me it was a man, and our marriage was a mistake, I couldn't have agreed more.

He sent me the paperwork and we agreed on the property settlement so now all we need to do is have the judge sign off, and oh Please don't mention it's because he wants a man, part of the settlement was confidentiality of his sexual preference."

"No, of course not Darlene, I don't know that many people in Vegas anyway, just needed some time away to clear my head, your secret, well your husband's secret is safe with me."

"What's her name Rick,"

"What, I mean what do you mean Darlene?"

"Guy talk to get over getting dumped is coded, clear my head, women use find myself, so what is it, rather who is it? From the look on your face she's done a pretty good number on your heart."

"Well, you're not wrong, but it's really stupid, I mean she never even liked me but I kept this fantasy alive that someday she would wakeup and see me, for all the things I had done for her and realize, I had been there waiting for her all along.

She's a homicide detective I work with in New York, her Training Officer was killed, and she tracked the killer back here, I had to come with her to keep her safe. Well long story short she caught the killer, but when the time to go back to New York came, I couldn't keep living that fantasy, I needed to move on, put some space between us, so here I am, headed to Vegas."

"And you think that is going to help Rick?"

"Long term I know it won't but if I can distract myself for a little while then I can start forgetting her a little at a time."

"Well, I don't want to sound forward, but if you need someone who isn't expecting anything but companionship, I'll be out here for two weeks, I'm at the Cosmopolitan Hotel"

"You're kidding right?"

"Why would I kid about that, it's a beautiful hotel, and the staff is fantastic"

"No, I'm sorry I'm at the Cosmo as well, in fact I have a limo waiting for me when we land, do you need transportation there? I mean we could share a ride as new friends?"

"That would be great Rick, I appreciate it, but don't be so shy, OK, you're a great guy who needs someone to care about him, I think I know just the trick", as she leans in and kisses his cheek, "we'll go slow but steady Rick, promise" her eyes are sending little Ricky a message all together different, it's full speed ahead to him, but that will have to wait, as he pretends to read the newspaper spread over his lap to conceal the evidence of the impact of him.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

If Only

 **by Castlefan6**

Authors Note **:** Thisis my **AU version** of an alternate ending to Love and Die in LA. Some Angst, some canon but mostly AU. All things are the same till the Gantz ending, Previously notes courtesy of Dust Jackets dot com.

I don't own Castle, I use the characters for amusement purposes only

 **Chapter 2**

 **Previously**

 _He thought he was on to something a few nights ago in his suite, but as always, she broke a tender moment between the two of them and made her exit. Get a grip Rick, you've been dumped before, hell she isn't even dumping you since you can't end what never started._

 _He really hadn't thought out where he was going so, he couldn't tell Beckett, but at least she could rest easy now, Royce had been avenged through the justice system. Her jet pushed back and as he watched it taxi out of sight, then on the long runway and then she was gone, in flight back to New York and all that her life considered important, he was sure he didn't fit that bill._

*********************************************************************************/

 **JFK Airport**

 **6 Hours Later, Same Day**

Kate was awakened by the jolt of the wheels touching the pavement as the Boeing 757 sped down the runway. She typically didn't sleep on flights, but Rick had made sure her ticket was first class, and the comfortable and spacious seats allowed her to relax. After the whirlwind of a week they had, she needed sleep more than any alcohol the airline offered.

First Class also meant she was first off of the plane and since she only had a carryon, she was out the door and in a cab by the time she would normally just be getting to the front of the plane. Rick had always been thoughtful, wait was that it, was she taking all these little, well sometimes big gestures for granted? Had she taken him for granted?

She made a mental note to send him a text or call him when she got to her apartment to Thank him, not only for upgrading her, but also for all of his help in bringing Royce's killer to justice. She clung to the letter from Mike and read it completely twice before the cab arrived at her apartment. Did Mike see or know something she didn't?

Just as she entered her apartment, and set her keys, gun and phone down, the phone rang with Captain Montgomery's ring tone. Oh well, better to face the music and get it over with, she knew he was pissed, more so than she had ever seen or heard him when he was speaking to LAPD.

"Hi Captain, I just walked in my door from LA, and was going to call you as soon as I was settled,"

"Beckett, be in my office at 7:00 AM Sharp tomorrow, and bring your Union Rep, and that writer of a partner with you, friend of the mayor or not, this has gone far enough."

"Sir, there's a problem, I can be at the meeting, and I'm ready to face whatever punishment you may have for me, but Sir, Castle's not in New York, in fact I don't know where he is. He put me on the flight, and last minute said he had to change plans, something to do with business meetings, but that was bullshit, so I don't know what the hell is going on with him."

"WHAT, What the Hell do you mean you don't know where he is, Kate he's your partner. He put his ass on the line and was willing to go to jail for you to solve your TO's murder, a man he knew you loved, even though it hurt him to do so he did it."

"What do you mean Sir, it hurt him to do so, I never did anything to Castle"

"Well maybe if you had shown him one ounce of thanks, or just a little more friendship or been honest that you could never love him he wouldn't be were he is, which only God knows now. Kate for a Detective you are a Blind Fool, Castle is in love with you and has been since the Dunn case as far as I can tell, you can't tell me you had no idea?"

"WHAT? Sir, I swear to you, I thought yeah he was coming on to me, to get me in his bed, but no sir, I think you're wrong, I think he just wants the conquest, and once that is finished he'd be done with me"

"Yeah, just like Sorenson, Demming and the other host of guys including Alex Conrad you paraded in front of the poor schmuck, never mind Kate, he's better off finding someone who will appreciate him, get your Ass in here tomorrow on time," Click and the line is dead, as Kate sits looking at it wondering, was the Captain correct?

She's sitting in the dark, looking at her phone 4 hours later after doing laundry and unpacking from LA, where she found one of those damn robes that Rick had tried to bribe the LA Detective Segal with. Inside the robe was a note,

" _Kate, don't worry I didn't steal this I purchased it for you for those cold nights when your living room is boiling and your bedroom is freezing, not that I would know, just taking your word to others, Enjoy_

 _Rc"_

The man bought her a robe, not just any robe but one with memories of their time together in LA when he could have been anywhere but by her side. He did listen, she had complained to Hastings a few months ago about the heat in her apartment, but she didn't think he even heard, he was busy on his phone.

Well desperate times called for desperate measures. She had thought about calling Lanie, but she would probably be interrupting Javi's time with her, so she dialed a number she would rather go 10 rounds with Amanda Nunes that speak to,

"Hi Detective Beckett, how was Los Angeles?" Alexis was polite,

"Well we didn't go out there for a vacation, but your Dad helped a lot and we caught Royce's killer, he has to stand some Federal Charges there, then they will extradite him to New York for Capital Murder Charge."

"I'm sorry about your friend, I heard you were very close to him so please accept our condolences, Grams and mine, is there something I can help you with Detective?"

"Actually Alexis, your Dad made a change of plans right at the last minute, do you know where I can reach him, he left a very thoughtful gift I wanted to thank him for."

"Well that explains it, you two again no wonder he sounded so weird on the phone. Actually, Detective when he called Grams and I to tell us he wasn't coming to New York on your flight, that he was researching a new character set in Las Vegas, we both knew that something happened between you two, and he needed space."

"Alexis, I swear nothing happened between your Dad and I, really we just*"

"Yeah, we know Kate, you just work together, and he just jumps at every opportunity to prove something to you, by being there for you. I guess it finally hit home to Dad, and he is off trying to get re-set. He explained the boyfriends, how you were always too busy to do things with him, yet a handsome Robbery Detective comes onboard and you almost get caught necking on the staircase, not your finest hour Detective.

You hurt the Rich Playboy without feelings very badly. Well he's not what you think, he is sensitive, kind, and if anything cares too damn much about people who take advantage of him and now, he is off somewhere trying to get over that hurt."

"Alexis, I think I need to talk to your Dad, but I promise once we work this out, I 'll explain everything the way I understood it, you mentioned Las Vegas, is there a place he stays or a way we can track him down, I mean I have to make things right with him."

"I'm not sure where he's at Detective, he sent a text a few hours ago, asking me to call Roy Montgomery and give him his private number to call him."

"Alexis, I know this is asking a lot but if you have a number that I can reach*"

"FORGET IT Kate, do you think for one minute I would give you a number to reach my Dad when it's YOU he's trying to forget? I am young, but that's dumb, even for you to ask just like you always do"

"What do you mean like I always Do?"

"Kate, every time you have a crisis, Dad can't wait to rush to your aid, then you get what you need, and he goes back to heartbroken. I'm a much younger woman, and even I could see my Dad was in love with you since you lived here, so don't tell me the NYPD's best Detective didn't figure it out, maybe you didn't want to admit it, but you knew it. I'm going to hang up before I say something that will get me in trouble with Dad, but stop and think, why do **YOU** think he isn't coming to New York for God knows when?"

 **Captain Montgomery's Office**

 **6:55 AM Next AM**

Kate arrived before 5:00 AM to get caught up with what she had missed, well to be honest she couldn't sleep after her call to Alexis last evening so she thought she would get a jump on her day, well as long as there was a day based on what Roy was going to hand out as punishment. She was halfway through Esposito's notes on the latest case they solved yesterday when she heard the booming voice of Captain Montgomery,

"Beckett, My Office, **NOW** "

When did he get in, she had been so entrenched in the report she failed to hear Roy, her Union Rep Detective Olivia Peppers and someone she didn't recognize gather in Roy's office.

"Begging your pardon Sir, I was trying to catch up from last wee*"

"Save it Beckett, have a seat" this was the voice of the Captain, not Roy her friend and mentor and he was pissed.

"I think you know everyone except Chief of Detectives Lloyd Turner from LAPD, he's here to insure we don't sweep the insubordination, interfering with a case that is not in our jurisdiction, and overall you and Castle running wild in his city under the rug or you get a tap on the wrist.

I understand Castle is off somewhere else, and since he was not an official employee, Detective Turner is satisfied with his letter of resignation received by special courier this morning from him. I could still file charges against you both, but I think Castle leaving is punishment enough for him."

"Sir, excuse me, did you say Rick resigned this morning without a fight, or even a call to Mr. Mayor, I mean Sir, what he did was to protect me, and the city of New York. We got a hardened criminal off of the streets of Los Angeles and I would think that would count for something, Sir.

I know I am guilty of internal charges, under control of NYPD, but if the LAPD Chief of Detectives wants a full account of the inadequacy of his department, he can start with a phone call to Detective Kyle Seeger, who was convinced we were there for a sexual tryst and did nothing with the leads we gave to him. I think Castle is going to focus on it in his next book, and his honor Mayor Weldon is friends with Mayor Feinstein I would think to save face he should at least start there."

Roy tried hard to hide a smile, knowing he had trained his best detective to stick up for herself when things were obviously stacked against her. Chief of Detectives Turner was not happy, immediately pulled out his cell phone.

"Captain can you indulge me in placing this call, and putting it on speaker?"

As the number was dialed, the phone rang 4 times before a very sleepy Detective Seager answered,

"Detective Kyle Seager, this better be important I just got to sleep"

"Kyle this is Lloyd Turner, I'm in New York reviewing the case file with NYPD's Captain Montgomery, and Lead Detective Beckett, there seems to be some discrepancies in your report, can you explain?"

This time the voice is much more wide awake and very cautious,

"Discrepancies Sir? I'm not sure what you mean, but I'll look into them right away. If a member of my staff filed a false report, we'll take the appropriate action."

"Cut the shit Kyle, it's me you're talking to, you haven't changed a bit, now how much of the report is fabricated and how much is true, or should I save you the trouble and just refer to Detective Beckett, and Special Consultant Castle's report?"

"What do you mean Sir, what items fabricated?"

"Who found the lead to Ganz, you or Beckett?"

"It was a join*"

"Let me remind you Kyle lying to a superior officer will not do your career any good, now would be a good time to come clean about the entire report." Turner forcibly interrupted,

"Sir, it was Beckett and Castle, in fact we were convinced it was just a plot for his next book, and actually doubted any crime, much less a murder in New York ever occurred, so it's totally on me Sir."

"Great Kyle, I spent six Fucking hours on a Red Eye to come to New York to be embarrassed by one phone call, now I owe the NYPD an apology and especially the two people who actually did the job you took credit for.

I would suggest you be prepared to meet when I get back. In fact pick me up at the airport, have your gun, shield, and all city property with you, that way once I drop you off at your home, I can return your car to the Motor Pool, you are on indefinite unpaid suspension pending a hearing effective immediately, Is that clear?"

"Yes Sir," comes a very deflated voice of Detective Seager, as the line is disconnected by a very embarrassed and angry LAPD Chief of Detectives.

"Captain Montgomery, LAPD owes your Detective and Special Consultant our gratitude, and I will be taking the appropriate action once I return to Los Angeles, I apologize to both Detective Beckett, and Mr. Castle, be sure to pass along that information, and perhaps you can get him to rescind his resignation, I am deeply sorry."

"Understood Detective, and thank you for taking the prompt action, we'll get you to the Airport to make the early flight home" as he motions LT, over and gives him the instructions to make that flight.

"Thank you, Captain, Detective, I truly am sorry, on behalf of all of the city of LA, we thank you and Mr. Castle, "

"Apology accepted," is all that Kate said as she said waiting for Roy to lower the boom on her as Seager hurried from the office to LT.

"Well, you dodged a bullet Kate, a huge bullet, but you still caused me embarrassment that I can't overlook, not to mention the loss of Castle. He was firm in his resignation, in fact it was postmarked special courier from Las Vegas, so he's not coming back, to quote him,

"tell everyone thanks, but I'm done. It's time to see life as it is, not as how I want it so I'll see you Captain, thanks for all of your courtesies, I know it was a pain in the ass to Beckett, but tell her Thanks as well, I really did learn a lot."

"Sir, if you could call him, I spoke to Alexis last night and I know she gave you his private number, so please just call him and tell him to call me, I'm sorry for so many things."

"Well, first place Kate, it was a one-time Burner Phone, second place, if you want to contact him, figure out how during the next two weeks you are suspended without pay effective immediately.

You're getting off lucky, I had discharge papers already filled out if Seager's report had been true, you would have been Former NYPD Detective. Take some time to get a grasp of your life, you're not above the rules Kate, we all lose people we love, but you can't disobey orders and carry out a vigilante escapade and not think they would be no consequences.

His honor spoke to Rick who tried to take the blame, and Bob just asked him, so you were out there avenging Royce because you once loved him?

Damn Fool, he would do anything for you, including leave which is what he did. Now enjoy your two weeks, and reflect on what it means to obey a direct order, next time, you'll have the rest of your life Kate, no matter how much I care about you or how good you are, you're gone if this happens again."

"Sir, yes Sir, and Thank You Sir, I truly am sorry for the embarrassment to you and the department"

She walked out of Montgomery's office expecting to be hit with all kinds of questions from Esposito and Ryan, but they barely acknowledged her.

"Guys, I'll see you in two weeks, I got suspended for the LA caper"

"OK, see you in a few, wish we could say the same about Castle, but word is he quit because of this. So, have a good couple of weeks Kate," Espo's tone wasn't hateful, it was flat, no emotion like he just didn't give a damn one way or another.

"Hope you can catch up to him and talk him back Kate, but we all saw this coming for months, guess he just couldn't take it anymore." Kevin's tone was more empathetic, but not like her boys of old, another mess she made.

She left the precinct, and headed to the last place they had talked, the swings in the park. She sat there for hours, then pulled out her phone and tried to call Rick, as she suspected it went directly to voice mail.

As her mind drifted back to his words, "we're products of our actions, be it good or bad, we must take accountability and make amends when we harm others" from a speech to Alexis while she stayed with them and Alexis and a friend had a falling out.

He was right, like usual, why would he hang around, product of our actions, God that makes me a Badge Bunny Slut, her mind quickly jumped to another topic, as she made the trip home, wondering where he was, and why it took her so long to see what other women would die for, God she was Fucked Up.

She pulled out her phone once again as soon as she got inside her apartment, and quickly typed a text to Rick,

" _Rick,_

 _Just found out you resigned, matter is all cleared now, Seager filed a false report, but Roy did suspend me for two weeks, We want you, make that I want and need you back as my partner, call me please so many things I need to say I'm sorry for,_

 _Always,_

 _Kate,"_

She put the phone on the charger and turned the notification sound level to the highest setting, she didn't want to miss his call or text IF he would answer her.

TBC

 **A/N We mark the loss of another Great Writer, Pen to Paper has had enough from the trolls, so to the Guest who told me I "need a new story line, I would have him knock on her door", then do it, stop reading mine and write it the way you want. I am pissed that spineless cowards sling hate or venom, to those who try to keep the Castle story alive.**

 **Think about what you write in your review, although my guest was polite, your opportunity to review a story is just that, an opportunity, and it takes a second to hit delete, but many great writers such as PtP have had enough of the constant hate being sent to those who labor in love to present their best work.**

 **If you don't like it, then move on, or more crudely Keep your mouth and comments to yourself and find another story. I have a few readers who sign in and we have healthy discussions about why or how I could have done better, Thank You Paula, Kate, Helen and Larry, Jamie, and many more, but the difference is they identify themselves and even if they disagree are respectful.**

 **One final point, IF those that enjoy stories from Castle to keep our show alive even if only in our minds want it to continue, then speak up with reviews that point out how story lines could be improved, not the Grammar Police, we do this as a hobby, if I wanted to publish a book I would hire the staff and charge for it. At the rate we are going, the Castle will fall, because of those whose talent would not allow them to write a shopping list yet review and tell others how to write stories.**

 **Do you want the stories to continue? Time for you to do something and support writers like Pen to Paper and others and kick out trolls when you see them. Thanks, My Anger is calming down now, well it was till I visited the last story by Pen to Paper, below is the example of the guest reviews I mention, I really don't get upset if you question why I do something, what upsets me are these COWARDS who are ruining the Fan Fic for everyone. I don't know if Castle has a majority of the looneys or not, but one thing is certain, if you want writers to keep writing, this stuff has to stop, when you read a review like this answer them back on your review, silence is acceptance.**

 **Posted as my review to Pen to Paper's No Man's Land**

 _ **T,**_

 _ **I rest my case about spineless gutless Guests, this was posted on your story, this Ignoramus doesn't even have the guts to review or send this to me, Hey Guest , Log in if you want to discuss how I write, I'm not concerned about you or how you feel, I don't write for you, but you along with the other bottom dwellers think you have the right to say anything about anyone you please without being called out, You are disgusting and when the fandom writers are all gone, then you can tell yourself you made Castle Great Again, then you can return to the Children's section where your intellect belong, Mr Rogers, not Rick will be waiting for you, you Troll**_

 _ **So consider yourself free because this is the truth, you are an idiot**_

 _ **You got something to say to me, tell me You Gutless excuse of a reader You know how to reach me, crawl out from your rock and log in**_

 _ **Guest chapter 14 . 2h ago**_

 _ **The truth does not twist and turn.**_

 _ **It is direct, strong and straight up.**_

 _ **And, oh yes, it will set you free!**_

 _ **This was not your best work. If you put something out to be read by the public expect some not to like it. Please finish your other stories. Please do not become a CastleFan6 who thinks everyone should praise his stories and tell him he is a fantastic wonderful writer. He can't even take constructive criticism.**_


	3. Chapter 3

If Only

 **by Castlefan6**

Authors Note **:** Thisis my **AU version** of an alternate ending to Love and Die in LA. Some Angst, some canon but mostly AU. All things are the same till the Gantz ending, Previously notes courtesy of Dust Jackets dot com.

I don't own Castle, I use the characters for amusement purposes only

 **Chapter 3**

 **Previously**

" _And you think that is going to help Rick?"_

" _Long term I know it won't but if I can distract myself for a little while then I can start forgetting her a little at a time."_

" _Well, I don't want to sound forward, but if you need someone who isn't expecting anything but companionship, I'll be out here for two weeks, I'm at the Cosmopolitan Hotel"_

" _You're kidding right?"_

 **Cosmopolitan Hotel**

 **4 Hours later Same Day**

As promised Rick see's the Cosmopolitan driver David, holding his sign Mr. Rooke, spelled incorrectly deliberately to help keep his arrival on the down low. As soon as David spots him, he smiles and makes his way toward Rick and now Darlene, who was even more attractive in the brighter lights.

"Hope you don't mind David, but Darlene is a guest with us as well, so I thought we could save a trip and share the ride."

"No Problem at all sir, and Mam, how was your flight, have you stayed with us before?"

"It was a very pleasant flight, thanks for asking David, and yes I stayed here about 5 months ago, maiden name was Sipos, now I'm Marzano soon to be Sipos again."

"Would your husband be Wayne Marzano, the real estate investor Mam, he's a legend out here and just kicked off another phase of building out by Red Rock."

"Yes, that would be him, well for a few more days, then it's back to poor little me."

Rick is calculating the value of construction of some of the newer buildings and by any stretch, would Darlene be left as a poor little me. As they arrive at the hotel, the Bellmen take the light bags each have, and then escort them both to the VIP room where they are checked in. Rick has the penthouse on the 52nd floor, as Dan promised, and Darlene has the one on the floor above him.

Darlene takes Rick's phone and dials her cell, then quickly hangs up, "Now you have my number Rick, call when you want to have lunch or just hang out, I'm sure I will have loads of free time".

Rick repeats her action, and says, "Well it is modern time, so now you have my number, plus my room number so call my cell or room when you have some free time, and as you can say we can hang out together."

They arrive at Rick's floor and the bellman makes a discrete maneuver to allow them a moment of privacy, as Darlene reached up and gently kissed Rick's cheek, "I'm sure we'll talk soon, bye for now"

Rick blushes slightly, but old habits never break, "I'm sure we will and remember I'm right here if you need anything, anything at all Darlene."

She smiles and waves slightly as the elevator doors close, and Rick heads to his suite. He sent some, well most of his clothes to the dry cleaner, with the bellman which made unpacking a quick chore. He decided he should check his emails and texts and retrieves the large bottle of Single Malt Dan always had placed in his room, that man was such a delight to work with, never forgetting a single detail.

As he enjoys the sipping whiskey, he opens his phone first for texts, sees the list of 54 unopened, and quickly skims the list, most were from Paula, Gina, or one of their associates trying to seem anonymous, but he was on to them. Then he saw the one from Kate, from just a few hours,

" _Arrived Safe, hope your business trip gets great results, Thanks again for first class, really made trip home enjoyable. See you soon, KB"_

He typed out a quick response,

" _Glad you enjoyed First Class, and you are home safe, talk soon, Rc"_

He wasn't angry or even hurt at Kate, how could he be, she had tried to make up for the time she acted like the love-struck fool over her good doctor. He had forgiven her, and now it was time to move on and forget.

It wouldn't help either of them if he acted like a petulant child who didn't get his way, she had plenty of opportunities to fall in love with him, it just didn't happen, no one's fault.

He called Alexis and filled her in on where he was at, and not to worry, he really was searching and researching for a new character, and he had a lead. If she believed him or not, he never knew, sometimes, well many times if he were being honest, she was the mature one in the household.

Just as he had cleared all the other messages and listened to Gina rant and rave over the next few chapters on four voice mails, which he deleted half way through, his phone pinged with a new text.

" _Hey Rick, the trip made me hungry, care to join me for a late lunch or early dinner? Hugs xoxo Dar"_

Well, what the hell he had to eat anyway so he responded,

" _Would love to, where, When, Rc_

" _Henrys is nice, and shouldn't be crowded this hour, want to wait for me by the elevator bays, I'll be right down."_

" _Henrys is perfect, give me 5 minutes, and I'll meet you by the elevators,"_

Rick did a quick splash of cold water on his face, and freshened his cologne, grabbed his phone and key card and headed out. As he approached the elevators he could see Darlene was already there, looking very sexy in a sheer sun dress, that if the AC was cranked up, he was going to have a problem keeping his eyes off her subtle breasts and nipples poking through the material already.

"Hey Rick, you look relaxed, thanks for accompanying me to lunch, I hate eating alone."

Rick was surprised that she had noticed he had changed one blue shirt for another and slipped into casual dress slacks, to be more comfortable.

"Thanks for noticing, I didn't think you would it was such a subtle change, and you're right, dining alone is always the worst part of travel. I'm glad you invited me along, good food, good company, great way to start the trip off."

"Oh Rick, you have to learn that about me, I notice **EVERYTHING** about you, I told you already you're my favorite author, and Kate Beckett is crazy for ignoring you. Oh, I'm sorry, again none of my business, and we aren't here to talk about her or Wayne, let's just enjoy the evening if we can." As her beautiful hazel eyes lock onto his blue orbits, what was that look, not passion, not sadness, but compassion. Maybe he was reading too much into her kisses on the cheek and her message signatures.

"You know Dar, that sounds like a great idea, let's get some dinner and discuss the rest of the evening." He smiles at her as he eyes sparkle even more at the use of her nickname rather than the full name. He extends his arm as a gentleman that he is, and she intertwines her arm with his as they enter the elevator.

The walk from the elevator bays to Henrys took them through the main part of the casino, where Dar received several leering looks, and even a wolf whistle. Rick didn't fare to badly either as woman glanced at him, then whispered and then eyed him all the way out of sight.

"Looks like someone get's a lot of attention when they are in public Dar, see you're beautiful, just like I told you on the plane. You could have your choice of just about any man in here, so don't let the choice of your ex, impact your confidence, in short You're Hot" as he smiled a deep smile and she blushes and lays her head on his shoulder for a moment.

"Rick, you're too kind, and by the way you aren't doing to bad yourself, I'm waiting for that big bosomed bimbo over there to throw her bra at you, she has done about everything else to get your attention," she smiles

"I only have eyes for the lady who I accompany, and tonight there is no one else I would rather have dinner with than the lovely young lady on my arm" as he glances into her eyes, God those eyes are going to kill him, Remember Rick, she's still married he tells himself.

As they approach the entrance to Henrys Restaurant an attractive Asian female steps out from behind the podium and embraces Rick in a very tight hug,

"Rick, my God it's been forever since you've been here, how are you, and oh I'm so sorry, Ms. Marzano, Rick is almost like family, my little five year old sees a cutout at a book store and knows it's Uncle Rick."

"Hey Lana, so great to see you as well, how are the family, still doing well, I hope."

"Yes, they are Rick, Thanks to you, Brandon finishes up Residency this year, and will be an attending next year, we don't know what we would have done without your generosity, and believe me, if you need anything medically, you call us."

"It's a deal Lana, give Brandon my regards, and my little man, a hug from Uncle Rick."

"Rick can I snap one shot of you to show him who I saw today, he is going to be so excited,"

"Sure, if Dar doesn't mind you can tell him this nice lady is helping Uncle Rick feel better, and now he's almost all well again." Rick smiles as Dar comes into the picture puts her arm around him as he embraces her, and tilts her head just so they are touching, as Lana snaps the shot.

"Lana, can you email me a copy of that please, I would like to keep it since it's our first picture together."

"Sure Rick, you old handsome devil you, your room is ready let me show you the way."

They are shown to a wonderfully designed and decorated smaller banquet room, but it has all the amenities they would need. Rick holds Dar's chair and as she is seated, she smiles and says a very sincere Thank You.

Rick sits down and can't help but feel eyes upon him as he looks over the menu, he see's Dar's beautiful eyes staring at him,

"What? Did I do something wrong Dar?"

"Actually you did everything right Rick, it's been years since I was treated like such a lady, and pampered, holding doors, assisting with my chairs, making sure I was attended to, No nothing wrong dear man, just overwhelming a bit to me since I haven't been pampered like this before."

"Well you should have been, any woman who is as beautiful, kind and sweet as you are should be treated like the man's queen, if he doesn't see that he doesn't deserve you."

A tear comes to Dar's eye, as she simply looks at him through those eyes, now watery and says

"Thank You Rick. I met Wayne through his Sister, I was her hair dresser and never made more than $35,000 Dollars a year till I married money, so I'm just this country girl who got lucky, or so I thought. The old Eagle's song, I guess every form of refuse has it's price is so true in my case."

"Well we will just have to change that, and to finish out that song lyric, we'll do it in a Peaceful Easy Feeling, since you could never have Lying Eyes, at least not to me."

That sets the mood for a marvelous dinner, as they quipped back and forth over songs from the 80's and 90's and thoroughly enjoyed themselves, it was almost 10:00 PM when Lana came to check to see if they were OK, before they even realized what time it was. They had spent almost 7 hours together and had fun just laughing and talking.

As Rick escorted Dar all the way to her door, she took his arm in hers, and laid her head on his shoulder,

"I know I sad slow Rick, and I also know I'm still married, for a few more days, but I just wanted to let you know, I haven't had this much fun since I was just a hair dresser from Ohio hanging out with friends, thank you for a wonderful evening." She reached up and ever so lightly brushed his lips on her way to a sweet kiss on his cheek.

"Call me when you know what's going on with your court date, or if you want to hang out some more" Rick smiled,

"How does brunch sound tomorrow at 10:30 AM, I really do like hanging out with you"

"Sounds perfect to me Dar, Good Night, and Thank You for listening and being here, this is a great first step. I'm not going to lie to you, but you really knocked my socks off tonight, I had more fun than I've had in a really long time, so thanks" as he leans in and kisses her cheek so sweetly.

As he turns to walk away, he hears, "Can't wait to see you tomorrow, sleep well, I know I will, Good Night Rick"

He turned and gave her perhaps the first real smile he had smiled in years.

"Yeah Dar, me too, Good Night"

 **Rick's Room**

 **7:00 AM Next Day Pacific Coast Time**

Rick awoke after having one of the most pleasant dreams that didn't involve a certain New Your Detective. He felt more rested than he had in a long time and figured he would take advantage of the state-of-the-art Gym at the hotel, just as soon as he worked through his texts and emails.

He fired off a good morning text to Alexis, that was standard, she would worry if she didn't hear from him, and a moment later her reply came through, a Thumbs Up sign with "In Chem Class, Love you, with the heart emoji in place of the word love.

He glanced through the remaining and two stood out, the first from Captain Montgomery, the other from Kate, within a half hour of each other.

" _Rick, sorry to inconvenience you, LAPD was full of shit as usual, still had to suspend Beckett for two weeks, so WILL you PLEASE come back, when you get yourself together, as a favor to me? Think about it. Roy"_

The next was from Kate,

" _Rick,_

 _Just found out you resigned, matter is all cleared now, Seager filed a false report, but Roy did suspend me for two weeks, We want you, make that I want and need you back as my partner, call me please so many things I need to say I'm sorry for,_

 _Always,_

 _Kate,"_

He knew Kate, with time on her hands she would persist till he answered, and he never was rude so, he typed a brief response to her text,

" _Kate, glad to hear LAPD lied and got caught, but sorry about your suspension, not sure what or where I'll be, when the time is right, we'll talk. Nothing to be sorry for,_

 _Stay safe,_

 _Rc"_

To Roy he replied,

" _No inconvenience Cap, you were doing your job, unclear what future plans are, or where, Let you know when I work things out,_

 _Thanks_

 _Rick"_

He then proceeded to the private gym on his floor for his first good workout in months, yeah, things were looking up, taking it one day at a time.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

If Only

 **by Castlefan6**

Authors Note **:** This is my **AU version** of an alternate ending to Love and Die in LA. Some Angst, some canon but mostly AU. All things are the same till the Gantz ending, Previously notes courtesy of Dust Jackets dot com.

I don't own Castle, I use the characters for amusement purposes only

 **A/N** **Caskett shippers hang on, the ride is about to get bumpy. Thanks for all of the support for all the writers.**

 **Chapter 4**

 **Previously**

"Guys, I'll see you in two weeks, I got suspended for the LA caper"

"OK, see you in a few, wish we could say the same about Castle, but word is he quit because of this. So, have a good couple of weeks Kate," Espo's tone wasn't hateful, it was flat, no emotion like he just didn't give a damn one way or another.

"Hope you can catch up to him and talk him back Kate, but we all saw this coming for months, guess he just couldn't take it anymore." Kevin's tone was more empathetic, but not like her boys of old, another mess she made.

 **Kate Beckett's Apartment**

 **Monday Day One of Official Suspension**

 **5:30 AM EST**

Kate finally got out of bed at 5:00 AM after tossing and turning all night, when she did sleep all she could dream about was a certain mystery writer and all of the missed opportunities she had squandered. He had always been by her side, even risking jail time to keep her safe, she finally began to realize men don't do that for women they don't love.

Now he was who knows where, and God only knows who he was with, with his wealth and charm, she had convinced herself he was not alone, especially if he was still in Vegas. She tightened the laces on her running shoes, grabbed her phone and small gun along with her badge, and headed out to run.

Running was what she did when she needed to clear her mind, and this morning she was a mess of emotions. What was it she was feeling for Castle? It couldn't be love, or could it, as she listened to her iPod suddenly the lyrics of the love songs began to make sense. Savage Garden's Truly Madly Deeper was playing and now she listened to the lyrics, perhaps for the first time, really listened to the words and their message.

" _ **I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish, I'll be your fantasy.**_ _ **  
**_ _ **I'll be your hope, I'll be your love, be everything that you need.**_ _ **  
**_ _ **I love you more with every breath, truly madly deeply do**_ _ **  
**_ _ **I will be strong, I will be faithful 'cause I'm counting on a new beginning.**_ _ **  
**_ _ **A reason for living. A deeper meaning."**_

 **WOW** , was that what she wanted, was it what Rick was trying to get her to understand about how he felt? **IF** she were honest with herself it was exactly what she wanted, had wanted since college. Someone who loved her enough to put her first, before all others and everything else in the world, IF Only she hadn't been so stupid, or afraid she could have had it all with Rick, she's sure of that now.

The more she ran, the more the iPod sounded out songs of love, at first they brought a tear to her eye, finally to the point she was a bawling mess by the time she reached her apartment. She closed her apartment door and ripped the ear buds out, she couldn't take the songs mocking her anymore. She ran to her bed and did something she hadn't done since she was 10 years old, cried herself back to sleep.

Kate turned and found her pillow in her arms, grasped tightly, and wet from her tears. She had been dreaming of Rick and seeing him with someone else. She tried to call out, but no one could hear her, not even in the huge church where he stood at the altar with someone other than her, God she needed to get a grip as she headed for the shower.

The hot water beat on her till it began to cool, Kate stepped out and pushed, or tried to push anything to do with Rick Castle out of her mind. She dressed, and did her hair, then cleaned her apartment again. Finally, she searched for a book to read as the coffee brewed, and as she pulled out her selection, Castle's book came with it falling to the floor.

Looking down she could almost see those blue eyes that she missed so much on the photo from the back cover, but as she picked it up to place it back on the shelf, a dried flower fell out of it. God, she had forgotten that Castle had pinned a beautiful corsage on her as she arrived at the book signing. One of the million little things he did that she blew off, well tried to blow off, but had sealed a memory deep in her heart and mind.

She took a book about Russian Literature that she knew she could lose herself in, grabbed her coffee, and headed to the couch. A quick glance at the clock told her it was, WHAT, only 8:30 AM, this was going to be a long two weeks. Finally, she remembered that she had not checked messages since last night, although she didn't hold out much hope, she opened the phone to see one text unread.

Opening the phone, she saw it was from Rick, responding to her text, maybe he wasn't as upset as others thought. Her hands shook as she clicked on it to open, then tears formed as she read,

" _Kate, glad to hear LAPD lied and got caught, but sorry about your suspension, not sure what or where I'll be, when the time is right, we'll talk. Nothing to be sorry for,_

 _Stay safe,_

 _Rc"_

What did that mean, when the time was right, and he knew as well as she there were plenty of things, she needed to apologize to him for. The more she read it, the more she thought that she had done it, she wanted the pushy writer gone, well Congrats Kate, looks like you succeeded all on your own. The line that worried her the most was not sure where I'll be, meaning that she couldn't count on seeing him soon.

She pushed him away when he came to her with the new findings on her mother's case, it was wrong, but she punished him by banishing him for almost the entire summer. She paraded not one but two boyfriends that they both knew she had no intentions of anything meaningful with to what, hurt him, once again Congrats Kate, success again. The pain of seeing him walk away with Gina still hurt like an open wound, and now, well God she couldn't be too late, could she?

If she had to grovel too get him back them damn it, she would do it, she loved him, or at least she thought she did. What ever she felt, was a feeling that she hadn't ever felt before, and the lyrics to the songs playing now caused her to cry at a moments notice, and they made sense.

Grabbing her phone, she dialed his number, and like all the other times it went to voice mail, with a slight change. The greeting had been changed to

"You have reached Richard Castle, I will be unavailable for an undetermined amount of time and also slow to reply to text messages. Please contact my business manager and publicist Paula Haas for any immediate needs. Thank you for your call and understanding."

No more of that juvenile hey you've reached Richard Castle, lucky you, even his tone was serious, his voice deep and very professional. Something was going on with her writer, well he could have been hers, and she needed to find out quick before it was too late.

She typed out a text,

" _Hey Rick, I know something has changed between us, you're far too serious, I want to finish that talk we started in Los Angeles, I should never have walked away, and if you're reading between the lines you're right, I want to talk to you face to face, Please, Don't shut me out, I am SO SORRY, for hurting you, I know I have, and now I am feeling what you have for years, Please Rick, Call Me, Please_

 _Always_

 _Kate XoXo"_

She hit the send button, and breathed a silent prayer, he had never been a cruel man, but now she knew why he didn't return to New York, the pain she felt for just a day couldn't compare to the hurt she caused him. Now all she could do is wait, and hope he still felt the same.

 **Ricks Penthouse**

 **Cosmopolitan Hotel, Las Vegas**

 **6:30 AM Local Time**

Rick was just returning from the gym and his morning workout, a routine he had fell into since checking in, and he was feeling much better. Alexis had Skype Called him earlier, and she was pleased with the increased exercise, and decreased alcohol.

"You look a lot better Dad, so whatever you're doing just keep it up" she had said. Truth be told, he felt better, and when he was working out, he wasn't thinking about any woman, especially one in New York.

He had spent a wonderful weekend with Darlene, dinner, dancing, in the evening after returning from rock climbing and some snowboarding in Red Rock Canyon. She was a very sweet woman, and after sharing her humble beginnings with Rick, a bond between them had been created. As Beckett had said about Kyra, Darlene was real, and yes, he did go for real, but she had business to attend to first, and he needed to be clear of baggage before entering into anything serious.

After a hot shower he had dressed and started to text Darlene about where she wanted to meet for breakfast when he noticed a text from Kate. What the Hell? He knew her free time from the suspension would make it much more likely she would try to contact him. He wasn't ready to talk to her yet, he hadn't built the strength it was going to take not to cave into one of her cries for help or apologies.

He cautiously opened her text expecting either a flurry of please come backs or stay the hell out of my life, with Kate you never knew which side you were going to get but the time stamp on her text told him she wasn't sleeping, not a good sign.

" _Hey Rick, I know something has changed between us, you're far too serious, I want to finish that talk we started in Los Angeles, I should never have walked away, and if you're reading between the lines you're right, I want to talk to you face to face, Please, Don't shut me out, I am SO SORRY, for hurting you, I know I have, and now I am feeling what you have for years, Please Rick, Call Me, Please_

 _Always_

 _Kate XoXo"_

Oh god, Oh God, it was worse than he thought. She had never sent a text with a signature of Kate XoXo meaning hugs and kisses. It was more like you touch me and I'll shoot you arrangement for the last few years.

She wanted to finish the talk, well the moment for sharing his heart, his feelings and his love was gone. It was as if she threw cold water on him when she ended the first real communication between them in months by saying she had to go.

He would have understood if she were still a couple with Josh, but he was free as was she and both were consenting adults. She ended the moment because she didn't feel what he felt, that was apparent when he had made one last plea calling her name, to receive the "Good Night Castle", not even Rick, back to Castle.

Rick closed his eyes, and looked upward, What was he supposed to do, could he believe her now after so many times of finishing second? Was the gain worth the pain, or was the possibility of something with Darlene, far less complicated, and much easier to read worth waiting for. He finally decided, he wanted to see what would come of his friendship, and yes that's all it was, until she was free from her vows of matrimony.

Rick would never, and it pleased him very much to hear Dar tell him, no matter what, how bad, or how much she wanted him, she would not break her vows even to a man who had already moved on. These were her vows, and it was her morality that kept her true to her words.

Once again, he wasn't angry at Kate, but he was frustrated that the only time she seemed to reach out to him was when he had the balls to walk away. Previously she called and he came running back, but this time, well this time was different.

He knew he had to word the text carefully, or it would do more harm than good, he didn't want to rub it in her face, but he did want her to know that she had the wasted the chance she was asking for several times before.

" _Dear Kate,_

 _I got your text, and honestly, I'm surprised. The message you sent me in LA was very different than the words that this text conveys. You say you want to finish the talk, yet when I called your name that night, you replied, Good Night Castle, not even Rick, back to Castle again._

 _I don't know exactly what you mean by reading between the lines, too many times I thought we were on the same page to be left disappointed and hurt, so no I haven't a clue what that means in your world._

 _I'm not shutting you out Kate, you never took the time to come into my world, so you are in the position you placed yourself so many times before, even though you were welcomed with open arms and the Red Carpet treatment._

 _Again, there is nothing to be sorry for, you didn't feel as I did, so there is no anger, no hurt, nothing for you to feel badly about. I'm sorry if you are feeling what I felt, (or what you thought I felt) I truly am, but there are limits to how much anyone can take before they must say enough, it's self-preservation._

 _Anyone who has heard no as many times as I would have given up the quest ages ago. I guess I'm a hopeless romantic who has been hit with a jolt of realism and have finally accepted the fact that you can't make someone care for you when they don't. That's OK, and part of life we all have to accept._

 _You asked me to call, I'm sorry Kate, I am not calling YOU or anyone, we have had plenty of opportunities to talk, and had you thought your feelings were this pressing we would have, but something or someone else always had a higher priority. I said when the time is right, we would talk, well the time is no where near right as I write this._

 _I'm not sure where your XoXo are coming from, I am truthfully more accustomed to hearing "touch that and I'll shoot you", or "Can I shoot him now", than for you to display hugs and kisses on your name. Have you ever once told me or shown me this emotion in person?_

 _If I know you like I think I do, you will find something in yourself to blame for this situation, there's nothing Kate,_ _ **Not your Fault**_ _, the timing wasn't right, the Universe for us was not in alignment, or a thousand other things, but don't feel guilty. I'm sorry to have been such a persistent Ass, trying to make you feel a way you obviously never will, so it is I who apologize,_

 _Please take care of yourself, stay safe, you'll always be someone special in my life,_

 _Rc"_

Rick is unaware that over 2,581 miles away Kate is watching the bubble on her text to him flicker as his response was being composed. Finally, what seemed like an eternity to Kate the phone chirped with the new text arrival sound. She can hardly wait to read it, Rick would understand, he would make things right, that's what he always did.

Kate has read the reply thoroughly for the third time, and half box of tissues later it is dawning on her what Royce meant, If Only.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

If Only

 **by Castlefan6**

Authors Note **:** Thisis my **AU version** of an alternate ending to Love and Die in LA. Some Angst, some canon but mostly AU. All things are the same till the Gantz ending, Previously notes courtesy of Dust Jackets dot com.

I don't own Castle, I use the characters for amusement purposes only

 **Chapter 5**

 **Previously**

" _Hey Rick, I know something has changed between us, you're far too serious, I want to finish that talk we started in Los Angeles, I should never have walked away, and if you're reading between the lines you're right, I want to talk to you face to face, Please, Don't shut me out, I am SO SORRY, for hurting you, I know I have, and now I am feeling what you have for years, Please Rick, Call Me, Please_

 _Always_

 _Kate XoXo"_

***********************************************************************************/

 **Kate Beckett's Apartment**

 **3 hours Later, Same Day**

Kate has cried just about every tear her body could produce, realizing when she read Rick's text that it was over, they were over to borrow one of her earlier lines. Just as her kettle whistled the water was hot for her tea, coffee is out of the question, she gagged at the mere thought of the beverage, her phone rang.

"Beckett" she answered trying to disguise the emotion in her voice,

"Hey Girl, What's the matter," came Lanie's loud voice over the line,

"Oh Lanie, it's over for real now"

"What's over for real, what are you talking about Kate, it's two weeks suspension, Captain could have fired or demoted you in rank and pay"

"No, No not that, I mean I know he could have, It's Castle he's gone and it's all my fault, I'm too late"

"Hey Kate, hang on now, do you have proof of that or are you jumping to conclusions again,"

"Lanes come see for yourself, you tell me if I'm jumping to conclusions or if I'm right, he has had enough and is gone for good."

"I'll be there in an hour, don't do anything stupid,"

Exactly 54 minutes later Kate heard her door opening and knows it's Lanie using her spare key for in case of emergencies.

"KATE, Where are you girl, you better be OK or I'm going to really hurt you, KATE?"

From a dark corner of the living room, sitting on the floor Lanie spots her legs, and hears, "Over here Lanes, I'm fine, no I'm not but I didn't do anything, to myself if that's what you're worried about."

Lanie rushed to her hugging her "Girlfriend, let's step back and take this one step at a time. Richard Castle loves you, everyone could see that, what is it that has gotten you so set that he's done with you?"

Kate hands her cell phone to Lanie with Rick's last text to her, still open, the screen damp from tears.

Lanie reads the text, and takes a few deep breaths, "Honey, I don't know what went on between you two in LA but apparently Rick was on one page and you on another, or you were on the same page and you ran"

"We were having a moment, an innocent moment as Rick let me reminisce about Mike, and he told me that he thought I was a puzzle he was never going to solve when he first met me. I looked into his eyes and saw love, and the gentleness of someone who wanted to be my everything.

After more than a few seconds, I just said, it was late and I had to go and retreated towards my room, he called my name and I just said Good Night Castle and closed the door.

I stood behind the door debating should I start things up with him, I knew I loved him for a long time, but was I ready to commit to him, when I finally opened the door again, he was gone from the couch and his door was just closing."

"What happened then, you just didn't stay in your room without telling that man something did you? You Did and you wonder why you got this text from him Kate? Read the words self-preservation, the man has gone through hell to prove his worth to you!"

"Lanes, I should have walked across the hall and told him then how I felt, but I was a coward, and the next morning, everything was different between us. He was polite, too polite, almost like I was a stranger and he was trying to be the gracious host. When we got to the airport, we entered security, and went to the gate, then all of a sudden Rick turns to me and said,

I'm sorry to bail on you now, but I have some pressing business I need to attend to out here on the west coast, have a safe flight, and turned to leave. I stopped him and tried to find out what the hell was going on but nothing, he told me nothing, and shrugged off the goodbye hug I tried to give him."

"You wonder why Kate? What's it going to take for you to see what even a blind man in New York see's, that man is crazy, head over heels in love with you, or at least he was. His text to you means is he has crossed the breaking point, and he is moving on.

Honey you did it to yourself, and now you have to be the one to be the aggressor, don't take no for an answer, IF you truly want him back. Don't play games with him Kate, it's either all in or let him walk away to find some kind of happiness, you owe that much to him."

"What are you saying Lanie, I should give up my Mom's case and chase Castle half way around the country? He knows how important that is to me, and he wouldn't ask me to make that choice"

"You're right Kate, he wouldn't but he took it as long as he could, and now as his friend, let him go **. IF** you love him, like I think you do, you shouldn't have to think twice about giving up anything for him, if he is your world, make him know and believe it.

You have some serious thinking to do, I'll help you anyway I can, but Kate, you can't keep fricking him around, he's my friend as well as the boys. Take some time let me know what you want to do, and I'm sure all of us will help you all we can."

Lanie grabs her coat and walks quietly out of the apartment, letting the door close quietly behind her as Kate stares out the window, No what was she supposed to do?

 **Ricks Penthouse**

 **Cosmopolitan Hotel, Las Vegas**

 **8:30 AM Local Time**

Rick's phone chirped just as he went to pick it up, with a text notification from Darlene.

"Good Morning Rick, hope this doesn't wake you, just wanted to know if my breakfast date was available this morning. I have to go to court this afternoon, first hearing and it'd be nice to see a friend before I walk into the Lions Den, Let me know,

Dar"

"Great minds think alike, I was just going to text you, where would you like to go my ONLY breakfast date, and not being pushy but I will go with you to court if you want support, as long as it won't make it more difficult for you

Rc"

"Rick, Would You? That would be great, Thank You, you truly are a friend, I'll see you by the elevator in 5 and we can go to the new restaurant that Wolfgang Puck has opened if you don't mind. I mean how bad can you frig up eggs, till we see what's on the menu, it's a safe choice.

Dar"

"Great, See you in five

Rc"

Rick is standing by the elevator doors when they open and there is Darlene, as beautiful as a ray of sunshine, flashing a huge smile to him.

"Good morning Dar, you look nice today."

"Really Rick? I mean I don't want to head to court in an outfit that says I just finished my shift on the Boulevard strolling for Johns" as Rick bursts out laughing.

"I assure you Darling, you don't look anything like that, you look stunning, like the wife of a successful businessman, who is out of his mind to let you go, sorry again none of my business"

"Maybe not, but still nice to hear from a handsome man, Thanks" as she gently kisses his cheek.

"Rick are you sure you want to accompany me to court, I mean if they get your name the press could print some ugly stuff. I don't want my problem to hurt you or your family"

"Dar, I've already spoken to my publicist, Paula Haas, and told my family I was accompanying you to court, and if they should hear something ignore it till confirmed by Paula or me. This isn't new to them, so no worries and yes, I want to be there for you, I think you will need a friend."

"Thank You Rick, I forgot you got manhandled in court twice before, I'm sorry you had such a tough time."

"Well, the first time I was young and stupid, thinking that if I did the right thing so would she, and actually the only thing that mattered then was custody of my daughter. The second time was really my fault. I never let Gina get all the way in and looking back I can see how badly I hurt her. She loved Alexis but I kept her at arm's length from my little girl, and that was really cruel on my part."

"Regardless of fault, or length of time, I think everyone loses, I know of no couple who stand at the altar and when asked if they do, answer, well I'll try it for a while. We all enter with hopes and dreams, sometimes unrealistic, but still praying that our dreams will come true." A tear drops from Darlene's eye as she finishes speaking.

 **Clark County Court House**

 **Civil Division, Family Court**

 **Las Vegas Nevada**

 **1:00 PM Same Day**

Darlene and Rick have signed in at the Clerk's office, that Darlene was present for the hearing, and Rick was her witness, if needed. At exactly One PM, Wayne Marzano, and two very expensive looking Attorneys walk into the court, a moment before the judge appears.

The Bailiff asks all to rise as he announced the honorable Judge Mary L Parson, now presiding over the case Marzano vs. Marzano Case number D509347, docket number 147.

A middle-aged woman with judicial robes gives the order to all "Be Seated"

She begins by asking who is present, Darlene, and her Attorney are introduced, and Rick gets a look at her soon to be ex-husband Wayne and his Attorney across the aisle.

She looks sternly over her glasses and address Wayne and his attorney in a stern voice,

"I have read the settlement that the former Miss Sipos has signed, and Counselor, I am appalled at you for even bringing such a poorly constructed document to my court. This court will be in recess to give you time to make the corrections to this document, and Counselor, .8 % of Mr. Marzano's stated worth is no where near acceptable as fair and equitable. I won't give you a figure, but you have enough history in my court to understand what I expect, Court is in recess for one hour" as the gavel slams down.

Darlene comes to Rick's seat, almost in tears, "I just want this to be over Rick, I don't care about his money"

Wayne Marzano walks over to them, and in a very polite voice, "Darlene, I'm sorry that they offered you so little, I didn't even look at it when they told me to sign it. I hope you know you are worth so much more to me, and I can't say it enough how sorry I am for messing with your confidence, and your mind"

"Wayne, I don't want your money, all it ever did was bring me pain. I just want to be free to do something with my life, hopefully to help others, but thank you, I know how you are with legal affairs, you really shouldn't be so trusting."

"Well, the agreement is going to give you 25% of my net value which is a huge sum, if you want a good cause to put it too, you can perhaps think of a way to help the homeless Veterans, or the young girls who are turned into the prostitution ring here every year."

"Mr. Castle, I'm glad you are with Darlene, she needs good friends she can count on, and I am a fan of your work."

Rick is shocked, of all the things he expected to hear from the husband in a divorce case it never would have been Thank you.

"Thank you, Mr. Marzano, I see you have done a lot for the city and Darlene is a very sweet lady who has become a great friend to me. I think you have some good ideas of how to help those who need it, would it be possible to discuss your ideas in more detail in the near future?"

"Here's my card with my direct cell number, can you give me till after the 12th, and I can discuss it with you and Darlene at a location of your choice, is that OK with you Darlene?"

A nod of her head, as Darlene still is fighting back the tears, no matter why, or who, she is the one who felt like a failure in her marriage.

The judge re-enters the courtroom, and the court is called to order. Wayne had fired one Attorney during the break and made it clear that Darlene was to be taken care of in all financial matters now and in the future. Judge Parson peers over her glasses and asked

"Where is your lead counsel Mr. Marzano?"

"Your honor he was discharged for his poor performance, and for trying to force my wife to sign a document that was clearly unfair, thank you for pointing that out. My co-counsel is now lead and has submitted the revision for your approval."

"Thank you, Mr. Marzano, I did review the document, and it seems to be both fair and equitable, in fact it seems generous, and provided your wife accepts the revised terms we can continue."

Darlene's lawyer stood and said, "No objections with the revisions your honor, my client accepts the document as revised."

Within 15 minutes, Judge Parson gave a closing statement.

"It's rare that I see two parties so agreeable when they come before me, I urge you both to take the compassion you felt for each other into your communities, and learn from this mis-step, it wasn't a mistake, but rather a learning opportunity for you both,

If there are no further arguments, it is my ruling that the matrimony between Darlene Sipos and Wayne Marzano be declared null and void subject to the civil agreement filed and agreed upon this day in Clark County Nevada. Case Dismissed" as the gavel sounds marking the end of the marriage legally.

Wayne walked over and shook Rick's hand, and kissed Darlene with a brief kiss,

"I truly am sorry Darlene, I'll always love you, so be happy. I will be here if you ever need me, just call" as tears fill his eyes he turns and walks back to his entourage of attorneys and bodyguards.

Darlene sat for a moment, as tears filled her eyes, then she stood, took Rick's arm,

"Thank you so much for being here with me, I don't think I could have gotten through this by myself, you ready to leave?" as she lays her head on his shoulder just as flash bulbs go off and questions are being shouted from several directions.

Rick wraps a strong arm around her, escorting her into a private room, and quickly calls Dan Tanaka for a private limo to meet them in the back entrance.

The driver texted his arrival a few minutes later and Rick whisked Darlene out of the Courtroom and away from the vicious crowd of paparazzi. He's sure that they will be in some tabloid, so he took out his phone and hit a number on speed dial,

"Paula, yeah it's Rick, yeah we have a situation you need to get on top off," as he described what happened.

"Got it Rick, may not be able to stop them all but should be able to get the big boys worried about their liability, especially now that they are dealing with two powerhouses, you and the new Miss Sipos."

A few minutes later they are safely back at the Cosmopolitan and headed up the elevator

"Rick, would you stay with me for just a little while please, I don't want to be alone right now, that is if you don't have plans"

Rick kissed her cheek, took her key card and helped her into her suite, without seeing the man watering the plastic plants, and taking photos as quickly and discretely as he could.

Darlene's door closes behind them shutting out the world, but it's just the beginning for the press.

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

If Only

 **by Castlefan6**

Authors Note **:** Thisis my **AU version** of an alternate ending to Love and Die in LA. Some Angst, some canon but mostly AU. All things are the same till the Gantz ending, Previously notes courtesy of Dust Jackets dot com.

I don't own Castle, I use the characters for amusement purposes only

 **Chapter 6**

 **Previously**

" _Paula, yeah it's Rick, yeah we have a situation you need to get on top off," as he described what happened._

" _Got it Rick, may not be able to stop them all but should be able to get the big boys worried about their liability, especially now that they are dealing with two powerhouses, you and the new Miss Sipos."_

 **Darlene's Penthouse**

 **Cosmopolitan Hotel**

 **Las Vegas Nevada**

 **3:30 PM Local Time**

Darlene is still an emotional wreck, after the reality set in, then the paparazzi, the rude questions being shouted from everywhere. Rick fixed her a drink, took it to her, and gently placed his arm around her shoulder, pulling her into him.

"I'm sorry about all that Dar, I kind of figured that would happen, and believe me they would eat you alive if you let them. Thanks for letting me accompany you."

Tears are in her eyes as she turned and looked at Rick, "You shielded me, you knew it was going to be bad, that the press is going to print all kinds of lies and make your life and family's life hell, yet you shielded me. Thank You Rick," she kissed him lightly on the lips before moving to a longer kiss on the cheek and clung to him as he held her as she sobbed.

"Hey, it's over, and I can see why you love Wayne, he's a nice guy, he really is, but the universe didn't align for you two, so it's not your fault. As for the money, do you have any idea of what you are worth now Dar?

I mean it doesn't mean anything, yet, but you have come a long way from that $35,000 a year Hair Dresser from Ohio, and you did it the right way. You didn't set out to screw anyone, so good karma begets good deeds."

"Dar when you feel up to it, I'm going to Skype my daughter and I want her to see you, so when the pictures come out tomorrow, and they will, she will know the sweet lady that is being lied about in the tabloids, OK?"

"I'm ready now Rick, I mean I can't go around bawling the rest of my life, we have to find out how we can make the money work for those who need it," then there it is her beautiful smile.

Rick dials Alexis on Skype, she answers on the second ring, "Hello Father, do you need bail money yet? You need to raise my allowance if I have to come out there to save you" she laughs

"Hello Daughter, and no I don't need bail money, besides I have a good friend I want you to meet, then we will explain what's going on OK? Alexis, this is Darlene, Darlene my daughter and center of my universe Alexis," as both ladies come into view you can hear "Dad", from Alexis, embarrassed a little by her Dad's introduction.

"Hi Darlene, How are you doing, Dad told me you had to go to court today, and I'm very sorry you had unhappiness come into your life"

"Hi Alexis, thank you so much, you're just like your Dad said you were, sweet and kind, and hey, I got off lucky, your Dad was there with me to support me the whole way. This is important to me Alexis, so I'm sorry if it embarrasses you, but your Dad and I are TRULY just friends, Up till about 30 minutes ago I was a married lady which your Dad and I both respected, I just wanted you to know."

"And you're just like Dad said you were, direct, open and honest as well as very pretty and a great influence on my Dad." She laughs as she sees Rick re-enter the screen with a fake scowl on his face.

Darlene is blushing now as Rick resumes talking, "Pumpkin we wanted to let you know that Dar got blitzed coming out of the courtroom with the Paps and although Paula is already on it, wanted you to be prepared in case something gets by her. As she said we are good friends, very good friends and have supported each other."

"Thanks for the heads-up Dad, Darlene don't worry about it we know the drill on our end, Paula will take care of everything and if something slips by, we just smile and keep walking not even giving them a no comment. We've done it hundreds of times so don't worry about us, just take care of yourself If you can spare the time, watch over my Dad, he means well but sometimes his plans need to be reviewed for danger if you know what I mean"

Darlene is laughing hard now, "Alexis I know exactly what you mean, I'll share the Rock Climbing experience with you sometime soon," as Rick is heard, "Dar, you wouldn't dare, that was supposed to be between us."

"Pumpkin, thanks for being so understanding, and just tell Grams before she hits the liquor cabinet tonight," then Darlene pops in "Thank you so much Alexis, I have to say this has been tough but having good friends has made it so much easier:

"You're welcome Darlene, just remember don't let anything they say, or print bother you, those who know and love you know the truth, and for the rest who cares. Got to run meeting Paige Dad"

"Bye Pumpkin, I'll talk to you tomorrow."

Rick looks over at Dar, "Well?"

"Well, she's exactly as you described her, and mature beyond her years. You had to have been a fantastic Father Rick, no kid comes out like that by accident"

Rick blushes slightly, "Well I got lucky, at first it was just the two of us, she was all I had in this world, then success came and so did the phonies. That's one thing Dar, as sweet as you are you are going to need help not believing every sob story asking for money,"

"You want to toughen me up Rick?" she smiled and is surprised by his serious reply,

"No, I just want to take care of you, to make sure nothing else bad happens to you, you've had pain enough in your life."

She crosses the room and puts her arms around Rick pulling him into her and just holding on, "you sweet, sweet man, I'm here for you too you know, when the time is right, talk to me Rick, it won't upset me. I promise. Any woman would be proud to be on your arm, as a girlfriend, wife, or just friend, I know I am every time we go somewhere, and after the first few times I really didn't care about what people thought"

"You OK now? If so, I'm going to head down and shower for dinner, that is if you will do me the honor of accompanying me"

She leans back, kisses him gently on the lips, "You bet, text me when you're ready but give me 30 minutes, OK?"

"Sure, thing see you in 30 minutes" as he kisses her cheek and blushes ever so slightly.

 **Kate Beckett's Apartment**

 **6:00 AM Next Day**

Kate couldn't sleep again, and the weather wasn't cooperating either, as a cold dreary rain had been falling for hours, ruling out her morning run. She decided to turn on the morning news to see if there was going to be any let up in the rain, and as she flipped channels, she saw a picture of Rick, on TMZ. Turning the volume up, she heard the spokesperson say,

" _ **Once again, our top story over night comes from Clark County Nevada, Las Vegas to be exact where Billionaire Developer Wayne Marzano and his wife of 5 months Darlene Sipos Marzano have completed their divorce.**_

 _ **What makes this even more intriguing is the spectator, as they zoomed in on Ricks face, is New York's own Rick Castle, who has been seen with the former Mrs. Marzano all over Las Vegas the last 10 days, could it be that this was the reason for the split.**_

 _ **Lawyers for both Marzano's dispute the claim of any infidelity, but TMZ has learned that both Mr. Castle and the former Mrs. Marzano are both staying at the same posh hotel in penthouses, one floor apart, and have been constant companions at the many restaurants and clubs, even taking a helicopter tour of the Grand Canyon and Rock Climbing in Red Rock Canyon."**_

 _As they show a series of grainy photographs but clear enough to show Rick with his arm gently guiding Darlene into her door._

" _ **Additional photo's exclusive to TMZ show the two entering the former wife of Mr. Marzano's suite, shortly after exiting the courthouse through a private entrance into a waiting limo that returned them to the Cosmopolitan Hotel. Both are checked in under aaliis, and the hotel has threatened legal action if such information were disclosed. You know what they say, where there's smoke, there's two bodies rubbing together to make it or something like that, Back to you in the studio Harvey, we'll provide updates as they're available."**_

Kate had seen enough and slammed the remote down after turning the power off to the TV. A few moments later the tears began to fall, as she thought about the letter from Mike Royce, if this weren't an If Only moment for her, she would never have one.

The thud on her door announced the arrival of her morning paper and giving the delivery man time enough to clear her floor, she opened the door and retrieved the paper. Once again, the tea kettle whistled, she was drinking tea, coffee was just to bitter for her now, in more ways than one.

Retrieving her cup of tea and the paper she sat at her small dining room table, opening the paper to the entertainment section, there it was. Larger better pictures of Rick and the woman, identified as Darlene Sipos Marzano, with Rick's arm gently guiding her through what appeared to be a group of tables, perhaps at one of the restaurants the TMZ piece mentioned.

One picture had captured them looking into each other's eyes, and Kate knew then that this was not a one-night stand, or some pick up, this woman meant something to him. Another showed the smile for her that used to be, yeah Kate get used to that phrase used to be, hers.

She had half expected to see some female with half her tits hanging out leaning in and all over Rick as they kissed, when she saw Darlene, the professionalism, the way she looked at Rick, it was almost more than she could take. It was clear there was a mutual respect, if not more between the two. What hurt the most, if she were being honest, Darlene made him happy, that was apparent by the smiles on both of their faces.

There wasn't one picture of them kissing, the closest they had come was when her head had leaned against his shoulder, and when they stared lovingly into each other eyes, but no PDA, but Kate could tell, this time she had gotten her wish. The 9-year-old on a sugar rush, pain in the ass, her partner, the man she loved was gone, and from the looks of things had no reason to ever come back. another heartbreak, more tears she had to hide, but he would never see them, she still had her pride.

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

If Only

 **by Castlefan6**

Authors Note **:** Thisis my **AU version** of an alternate ending to Love and Die in LA. Some Angst, some canon but mostly AU. All things are the same till the Gantz ending, Previously notes courtesy of Dust Jackets dot com.

I don't own Castle, I use the characters for amusement purposes only

 **Chapter 7**

 **Previously**

 _Retrieving her cup of tea and the paper she sat at her small dining room table, opening the paper to the entertainment section, there it was. Larger better pictures of Rick and the woman, identified as Darlene Sipos Marzano, with Rick's arm gently guiding her through what appeared to be a group of tables, perhaps at one of the restaurants the TMZ piece mentioned._

 _One picture had captured them looking into each other's eyes, and Kate knew then that this was not a one-night stand, or some pick up, this woman meant something to him. Another showed the smile for her that used to be, yeah Kate get used to that phrase used to be, hers._

 **12** **th** **Precinct**

 **7:00 AM Same Day**

Roy Montgomery liked a routine, in fact Rick had once said you could set your watch to his activities, taking a break always at the same time, going to lunch and breaks. As always, this morning he had arrived at 6:00 AM, sifted through some reports in his inbox, read a few emails then went to get a cup of coffee from the machine Rick had gifted the department. Of all the things he had done since beginning his consulting this was perhaps the most meaningful, good coffee was everything.

The morning edition of the Times was on his visitor chair, so he decided to review it quickly as he enjoyed his coffee while it was still hot. The Entertainment Section was out of place, it had been moved up, so he would see it before he got to the Sports Section that he typically started with. He started to move the section when he saw the pictures and knew immediately, they were of Rick Castle.

The appearance of the paper in his office, the change in location of the section of the paper, these were not accidents, but someone trying to send him a message without identifying themselves. He looked out at the bullpen, but like he thought there was no sign of either Ryan or Esposito, neither were expected for at least another hour.

He opened the section and begin to read, almost word for word the words that had been broadcast earlier on TMZ but embellished with better enhanced photos of Rick entering Darlene's suite.

His first thought was "Rick, this guy is gonna kill you messing with his wife, he has the means to make you disappear under the concrete of one of his new buildings"

As he read deeper, there was a picture not shown on TV, of Rick and Wayne Marzano actually shaking hands, almost like Mr. Marzano was taking his wife's hand and placing it in Rick's, then another of Rick with his arm around the wife, as Mr. Marzano kissed her cheek, hardly a jealous third party from his years of experience in Law Enforcement.

Oh my God, Beckett. She is gonna flip when she see's this, she can deny all she wants she doesn't have feelings for the writer, but he went though a summer where she was referred to as Super Bitch, because Rick had left for the Hamptons with his ex-wife. No one in the Department would deal with her, till he finally had to send her home a few times. He can't have that again, especially this close to her screwup vigilante effort for Royce.

Roy looked up and saw Esposito and Ryan stumble in at 8:05 AM,

"Esposito, Ryan My office **NOW** " he bellowed half scaring the young Irish cop, and certainly putting the Hispanic Detective on edge.

As they stumble towards the Captain, neither were in a hurry to find out what they were about to get yelled at for, Esposito looked at Ryan and said,

"Bro, you better have kept you mouth shut about the betting pool"

Ryan didn't have time to verbally answer him with anything but a What the Frick look as they entered Montgomery's office.

"Have either of you saw this morning's Times, particularly the Entertainment Section?" Roy looks serious, not joking no good morning just right to it.

"Sir, no Sir," comes from both, almost in unison.

"I thought not, take a look at this, I guess it was on TV last night as well TMZ,"

"This is bad Cap, really bad, Beckett is going to go out of her mind," Ryan says with a deep layer of concern,

"That Bastard, I warned him about hurting her, I'll kick his ass" Espo grits out before he realizes where he is at.

"Detective you lay one hand on Castle, and you'll be back in a Patrol Car working nights in the Heights, **IF** you get to keep your badge at all, is that understood?"

"Sir, Yes Sir" Esposito gets out between gritted teeth,

"You guys don't know the whole story and it's not my story to tell, BUT I can't have Kate return next week with the same attitude she had when Castle left last summer, she's already on thin ice and a repeat of that attitude would force me to fire her.

What I need you to do, enlist the ME if she can, is go visit her, and be a friend. I can't make that an order since it would infringe on your rights, but if you want to save your friend, I would strongly suggest you go check out that lead in her building, if you get my drift."

"What lead?" Espo said, at the same time Ryan replied "Loud and Clear Captain, Thank you Sir"

" **Dismissed** " is all Roy said as the two detectives strode from his office with Ryan explaining things to Espo then smacking him on the head.

Espo finally understanding the situation, dials Lanie's extension, and on the third ring, a voice comes on "Lanie Parrish, How can I help you"

"Chica, we have a situation. Captain Montgomery just called Ryan and I into his office and showed us this morning's paper, and Lanie, it's Rick and he's with another woman in Vegas."

"What? I was over at her apartment yesterday, apparently, she had sent him a text asking him to call her, guess something got started in LA but she did her usual Running job. We need to talk with Ryan and form a plan but not over the phone."

"Captain told us to go check out a lead in Beckett's building so he's cutting us some slack, but Lanie, if she comes back acting like she did when Gina showed up last summer, Roy is going to fire her, she's pushed the limit."

"I figured as much, give me an hour, and then I'll text you when I am out of here, meet me at my place and we'll get a plan, the three of us,"

"Got it, and Chica, Thanks you're the friend everyone wants"

 **Ricks Penthouse**

 **Cosmopolitan Hotel, Las Vegas**

 **8:30 AM Local Time Same Day**

Rick had had his workout, showered, shaved and even Skyped Alexis and was feeling better about everything, especially now that Darlene had gotten the biggest burden off of her back. Alexis was concerned about her in this morning's call,

"Dad, you know you're going to have to watch out for Darlene, she's not mean enough to cope with all those idiots who are going to be bugging her now. She's just too sweet a lady, and tell her I really appreciate her openness, and honesty, about you two. She's rare, she has morals and sticks to them, so we have to help her."

"You're right Pumpkin, we do. I'm glad you understand that she is a friend, a really good friend that I can talk to about anything with, but for now that's all it is. Will it ever grow into more, it's way too early to tell, she's still in love with her husband and feeling like she failed in her marriage, and I, well I have my own baggage."

"You mean Kate, you still love her, and are trying very hard not to, I know Dad, and for what's it worth, I'm sorry, I was really pulling for you. I really thought you were on track when she got rid of that Doctor boyfriend, but I guess things weren't meant to be the way I had hoped they would be."

"You and me both kiddo, but we can't change what we don't control, and I can't force her to have feelings for me, so it's time to move on, like an adult."

"I'm really proud of you Dad, no sulking, no anger, and no booze, that's one thing I really like about you and Darlene in whatever it is you are in, she brings out the best in you, and I'm happy.

I know you're both hurting, but when I see you smile I don't worry are you drinking yourself to death and tying to hide it from me, I know you hurt, but you're dealing with it like never before. Please give Darlene a big hug for me, she lets me live without worry. I thought I'd never say this, but Daddy, stay as long as you need to heal, take care of and think of yourself for once."

Rick has tears in his eyes as he listens to his much too mature teenage daughter spell out for him what has happened,

"Hey, how'd you get so smart? Thanks Pumpkin, and that's one worry off of me, how this is effecting you."

"Well I got a text from Paula that told me some pics got through, she's still working on that and TMZ aired a piece last night she hopes to have a retraction on air by tonight. She told me she'd text you but looking at the pics and the way you looked at Darlene, the only woman who stood a chance with you now was me," as she laughed and said, "I love you Daddy"

"I love you too Pumpkin, Old Dad will be just fine, like you said, it'll take time but I've got something in the works with believe it or not Darlene's ex-husband, nothing to do with writing."

"Dad, how does Darlene feel about that, I mean she's trying to move on, how is you dealing with her ex going to make her feel?"

"Well it's complicated, especially why the two got divorced, they really do still love each other, which made me so sad, but this is something Darlene wants to do as well, and that's all I can say"

There's a knock at the Rick's door, and his response, Come on in Dar, it's open

"Well Daddy, I'll let you go, but let me say good morning to Darlene first, OK?"

"Hey Dar, Alexis wants to say good morning to you, as he pulls her into him and they share the screen,"

"Good Morning Darlene, I can see by the look on your face and the paper under your arm you saw the lies, No Worries, don't concern yourself about it, Paula is working on it now and will have it taken care of by end of day. You and Dad did nothing wrong, you know that, so does Mr. Marzano, so why concern yourself with the gossips. Relax and have a great day with Dad."

"Alexis, you just took a huge weight off my shoulders, I was so afraid you would see these and believe them, and I swear, we are friends only, and will be till we get over those who own our hearts still"

"Darlene, take your time, if you need to talk I know I'm only a teenager but if you need a woman to talk to, I'm here, Dad tries, but he's still a guy" as Darlene laughs and replies

"Thanks Honey, I may take you up on that someday, thanks for being so sweet,"

"Call me tomorrow Dad, you two have a great day, Gotta Go" as the picture fades to black.

"Well?" Rick is looking at Darlene, as she tears up,

"Well what, Rick Castle, so you were right again, she's a great kid," as she leans in and kisses his cheek, oh, "Good Morning and Thank You"

Rick barely touched her lips as he kissed, her cheek, and replied, "Good Morning, and you're welcome for what I don't know" as he smiles that sincere smile.

"For taking care of things, for taking care of me, making sure I am protected, I never had anyone do that before, so it's new, but makes me feel so special"

"Well, you are special, God knows you have done more for me than I have for you. Alexis even commented that you have changed me. All the times before I would hit the bottle or taken off to the beach and not been heard from for weeks or months, I never considered how much that hurt my little girl"

"Thank You Rick, and Thanks for not pressing our relationship to anything more than it is right now, I know I'm not ready, and I'm pretty sure you aren't either"

"You're welcome and right back at you, Totally correct of both counts, let's just enjoy our friendship and let things come as they may, if they ever do, if not, you're still my best friend."

"Agreed, but can you do one thing for me now?"

"Sure Dar, just name it"

"Take me to breakfast I'm suddenly starving" as she takes Rick's hand and heads to the door,

"Your wish, my command" Rick laughs as the door closes behind them on their way out for another day together.

TBC

Don't Hate on Rick or Darlene, just two adults supporting each other through a tough time, no jumping into bed, no I love you' s let the story develop.


	8. Chapter 8

If Only

 **by Castlefan6**

Authors Note **:** Thisis my **AU version** of an alternate ending to Love and Die in LA. Some Angst, some canon but mostly AU. All things are the same till the Gantz ending, Previously notes courtesy of Dust Jackets dot com.

I don't own Castle, I use the characters for amusement purposes only

 **A/N No comments on the Dollar Amounts for Darlene, purely made up with no thought, so go with it please.**

 **Chapter 8**

 **Previously**

" _Chica, we have a situation. Captain Montgomery just called Ryan and I into his office and showed us this morning's paper, and Lanie, it's Rick and he's with another woman in Vegas."_

" _What? I was over at her apartment yesterday, apparently, she had sent him a text asking him to call her, guess something got started in LA but she did her usual Running job. We need to talk with Ryan and form a plan but not over the phone."_

" _Captain told us to go check out a lead in Beckett's building so he's cutting us some slack, but Lanie, if she comes back acting like she did when Gina showed up last summer, Roy is going to fire her, she's pushed the limit."_

 **Outside Beckett's Door**

 **11:00 AM Local Time**

Lanie, Espo and Ryan stand outside Kate's apartment, the nerves are running high for all as they know how Kate can be if she feels she is being attacked. They all agreed, the one, the only objective of today's meeting, intervention if you wanted to call it, was to insure Kate was prepared to return to work without causing anymore self-inflicted pain that could cost her a very illustrious career with the NYPD if she were not careful.

Lanie raises her hand and cautiously knocked,

"Who is it?" Beckett calls out with a raspy voice,

"Kate, it's Lanie, Javi and Kevin we need to talk to you for a few minutes, open the door or I'm going to use my key"

"Lanes, I'm fine, you can go away, I already saw the paper."

"We're not going away till we talk to you Kate, we can do it the easy way or hard way, your choice," Kevin has suddenly become the assertive one.

They wait and a few minutes they hear the door lock turning, and then the door opens to a disheveled Kate Beckett, with a robe thrown over her night clothes.

"OK you guys are here, come on in, I can guess where this is coming from,"

"What'd you mean Kate?" Javi asks low,

"Everyone see's the pics of Castle then thinks poor Beckett is going to fall apart and do something stupid, maybe even hurt herself, so we better get over there and hold an intervention."

"Nope, not even close Kate, and I'm surprised at you trying to use that pity party routine on us, hell Javi and I almost invented it if you remember" Kevin said with a tone in his voice she had not heard before

"You see Captain Montgomery saw the pictures, called us in then we called Lanie, it's not that he's afraid you did something to hurt yourself, well yet, he's afraid you're going to return to work acting like Super Bitch, his words not mine, like you did last year when Gina walked away with Castle.

We never knew it, and it was none of our business but Cap said he had to send you home a couple of times, and if you come back acting the same way after what happened in LA it could and will probably cost you your job." Javi is staring at her, noticing her bloodshot eyes from crying, the half empty box of tissue, and the novels written by Rick scattered around the couch.

The words could and will probably cost you your job hit her like a cold shower, as she jerked back to a semblance of the confident Kate Beckett that had left the station just a few days before.

"Do you think that I acted like Super Bitch Javi? Do you think I have any reason to be upset with anyone other than myself? Don't you all know what I just threw away?" and gone was the brash, take no prisoners cop that had started the dialogue so confidently, as Kate broke down sobbing tears like the boys had never seen before, not even at Royce's death.

Lanie hugs her, "Kate have you tried anything we talked about or did you see the pictures and sentence yourself to the death chamber for any love from Castle? You guys are the worst two humans on this earth in communicating, and don't give me I tried bullshit.

Kate sending two texts and calling a few times doesn't spell out I'd go to the end of the world to prove my love for you, Girl you have to make him at least hear you, even if he doesn't believe it at first."

"Kate, we pulled all footage that we could get, favor from a buddy of mine and you know what we haven't seen, (Javi pauses) A Kiss, not one fucking kiss Kate, come on you and Demming got it on hot and heavier in the stairway that Rick has with this lady."

Whatever result Esposito was striving for he got a reaction from Kate that proved she was still a fighter, "That's none of your God Damn Business Espo, if I wanted to Fuck him in the break room, that's between me and him, and how did you know about the kiss anyway, let me guess, Castle"

"Kate, Rick never said a word, he left that night with a tear in his eye and I made the comment, hope nothing is wrong at home since he didn't waste anytime in getting out of there. LT heard what I said and told me what he, and Castle saw, so no Rick didn't spread anything and why do you always do that.

You fuck up and it's Castle's fault. You don't see eye to eye on something and you push him away, again all his fault, What the hell do you expect a guy to do and for how long Kate. To be honest, and I love you, but had it been me, I would have dropped your ass a year ago," Javi glares at her

 **OK, OK** , everyone can tell me what I didn't do right, someone tell me how to get him back, **what do I do now?**

"That depends Kate, How badly do you want him back and in what capacity, your ride along partner who is good for theory, or do you want to finally admit to yourself what we already know, you love the dude.

If you love him, then you have to decide **IF** you're willing to give up **EVERYTHING** , to get him back? If you say yes, and please think about it for a few minutes, that means everything Kate, making him the number one in your life, not second behind a case, or a memory." Ryan again surprises her with his frankness, and willing to let it go.

"OK, you all know I love him, more than I ever thought I ever could, and when he left me in LA to fly home alone, I was crushed. He was so polite, and then the few texts we've exchanged, he made it clear that he knew that I didn't feel the same as him, and he needed to move on. So, what do I do?"

"Fly to him, pretty obvious to me, he's not going to answer phone calls, and you've made so much progress in texting. Hell, you have time left on your suspension, prove to him you are in this to stay. Do what he would do had the roles been reversed, he never gave up till last week." Javi states openly.

"Kate, I swear, I haven't said a word to the guys about the texts, they pulled this from just the conversation, and they're right. Do what Rick would do, keep showing up until you know for sure the love for you is really dead." Lanie rolls her eyes

"Hey Kate, what did Rick give you for Christmas last year, wasn't it a gift certificate for flight and hotel of your choice?" Kevin asked

It came rushing back to her now, the day he was so excited like a little boy for her to open her present, and she dashed his hopes by saying "Thanks Castle, I don't take vacations," what a bitch she's been.

"Yeah, yeah it was Ryan, and don't remind me how I crushed him with what I said. Besides he thinks I used that when Josh and I went to Bermuda for a long weekend, when Josh used his points."

"Well, first thing is **NEVER** mention Dr. Vermin again, around us, or, especially Castle. That time in your life I swear I wanted to kill you, you were cruel, absolutely merciless to Rick, and through it all he kept smiling, like I said I would have dropped your ass then and there." Javi wasn't pulling any punches.

Ryan had been fiddling with his phone, "Kate, the Cosmopolitan accepts that certificate, and there is a nonstop to Las Vegas leaving tomorrow at 1:00 PM EST. With the time difference you arrive there at 2:15 PM local time, it's up to you, time to either go get what you want or learn to take nice pills when you come back to work, or you won't have a job or a love in your life."

"What's with everyone, why is everyone pushing me to go to Castle,"

"Gee, maybe it's because we care about you and you look about as happy as a Politician outside the Pearly Gates, what's it gonna be, time for you to commit girl. I'm tired of your Bull Shit" now it was Lanie's turn to zing her.

"Leave the information will you Kevin, I have to find the certificate, and do some more thinking, I'll make the reservation tonight if I can find everything."

"Kate, I agree with Lanie, it stops here, we have done all we can do in what did you call it, the Intervention. Now it's your turn, it seems like everyone of us, especially Castle has made every human attempt to get you two together, now the ball's in your court. Oh, and Kate, fuck this up, and you will be on your own, we all agreed no more enabling you to be the victim. I'm sorry but that's the way it's gotta be. Come on we're out of here" as Javi heads toward the door.

Lanie pulls her in for a tight hug, Kevin glances at her, but then in a moment the door closes, and she is left alone, with her thoughts and dreams. Kate thought to herself, maybe they're right, maybe if I did go to him it would at least show him I am serious about him, she got busy booking the flight and hotel for the next day.

 **Cosmopolitan Hotel, Las Vegas**

 **EggSlut Restaurant**

 **9:30 AM Local Time Same Day**

Rick was still laughing at Darlene's expression when she saw the name of the restaurant.

"Rick, not that I'm complaining, more curious, who in their right minds would name their restaurant with the word Slut in it, I mean that doesn't send a good message."

"You're absolutely correct, but somehow it caught on there's a slew of them now throughout the valley, I guess they wanted to be different, well, they accomplished that."

The food was served promptly, and the coffee was excellent, making Darlene forget her reaction to the name of the restaurant. After they were finished eating, Rick looked at her and said,

"Darlene, I think we need to talk, do you feel up to taking a ride up the canyon so we can relax and talk in private" as he noticed a paparazzi just as Security confiscated his camera and two burly guys were dragging him from the hotel grounds.

"That sounds serious Rick, did I do anything or say anything t*"

"Relax, I just want to run some project ideas by you, I want you to fully buy in with any involvement with Wayne, since I won't do anything that will hurt you. We need to talk but not here, OK?"

The relief rushes back into her face, "Sure, I'm up to it, let me grab a heavier coat, it's a lot colder up there than some think."

"Great, I'll do the same and meet you outside the elevators on my floor, in say 15 minutes, that give you time?

"Perfect, but you aren't getting out of walking me to my door Mr. Castle, you started something and I really like being treated like the lady."

"I'm surprised you even thought I would shirk my opportunity to escort my beautiful Lady friend to her door, I enjoy it as well. I know we're just friends, and have a long way to go, but I love the envious looks I get from other men" as Rick's deep baritone laugh booms out.

Darlene blushes, "You know I wasn't going to admit it, but I like when other women give me dirty looks when I'm on your arm, you make me feel special. You're right, we have a long way to go to get past the friend zone, but for now you're my best friend, and I hope I'm yours"

Rick looks at her with his eyes rolled up, "Don't ever doubt even for a second, of course you are" as he holds his arm out and escorts her out of the restaurant in the direction of the elevators.

 **Red Rock Canyon**

 **Park Grounds 90 minutes later**

Rick had rented a Mercedes to ride in style and comfort, and as he assisted Darlene into the car, he confessed,

"I used to get the hottest sports car, jag, Ferrari anything I could, but I realize now I'm too old to be acting like a teenage boy out on a first date"

Darlene starts to laugh, she turns her head from Rick and every time she looks at him, she laughs harder.

"Hey, a guy could get his feelings hurt like that, you know" he pretend pouts

"I'm sorry Rick, I could just see a mental picture of you through the years as a teen up to white hair and a walker being helped into a hot car cruising looking to pickup chic's, I bet you'll be the stud of the nursing home someday" as she laughs aloud again.

Rick smiles then the nursing home comment hits him and he looks deflated,

"Oh, Rick I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, I'm only 4 years behind you so it's not like you're robbing the cradle for this ride"

Rick smiles, "No you didn't hurt my feelings, it just dawned on me how much time I have spent on this earth, and since no one's tomorrows are guaranteed, I don't want to waste one more minute of what Might have Been"

They arrive at a beautiful park, the air was crisp but the sun was warm so they set up at a large picnic table, of course Rick had his connections make up a picnic basket for them, that man she thought, how could anyone be that considerate.

"Darlene, what we talk about today is just some ideas I have, and if you have any objection at anytime or feel uncomfortable with how things are going, just stop me, please"

"I will, I promise Rick, and if you're uncomfortable talking about Wayne, don't be. Yesterday was good for us both, I know he loves me, just there is someone that he loves more and even though it's not traditional, if he's happy, I'm happy for him. I got closure yesterday, so Thank You for being my rock"

"I'm glad to hear that, since Wayne and I spoke briefly, and he promised to save some time for us after the 12th, that's next Tuesday so we have time to walk through this. I heard you say you wanted to do something to help others, then I heard Wayne's suggestions, do you remember them?"

"I'm sorry, I don't I mean my head was swimming all over the place and God it was awful the reporters yelling those rude questions."

"I thought so, Wayne suggested you could use some of your new-found fortune to help the homeless US Veterans or help with the runaways and other young girls being turned out to the prostitution trade every year here in Vegas. Both fantastic causes.

I have been searching for some project I can use my connections to wealth back in New York with, and since I can write from anywhere, I planned on moving to Vegas as soon as Alexis leaves for college. I think she's going to Stanford, or Oxford, either way New York is going to be lonely for me.

I have a connection to some of the military brass, from a former life so I'm sure I can get support from them. The runaways could be as simple as providing a clean place for the girls to run to, IF we can't convince them at the bus station or airports when they arrive.

There are hundreds of young people ready to volunteer and just be present, no pressure and pass out the contact information to them IF they can't get them out of the idea, they are going to be a Movie Star and a millionaire"

"Rick, that sounds like a fantastic Idea but I have no idea of how I can help, I don't even know what the settlement from Wayne will be."

"Once again, and please forgive me for sticking my nose into your business, but Wayne uses the same firm as I do for Financial Planning, I had them, with Wayne's permission run a scenario with you using only 5% of what you will be receiving, the figures are here, and I swear, I never looked at them," as he hands her a FedEx overnight envelope addressed to her in Care of Mr. Castle.

She looks at him, without saying a word, Rick begins to worry that now he has really gone too far, so he starts to say

"Rick, if you start to apologize, I'm going to hit you, and I mean hard. I always wanted to help, there were days I struggled, and I mean bad to the point I could have been one of those girls. God if I could help just one person get their life on track, I would be happy," as her fingers opened the envelope, removed the contents, and then almost fainted. Rick rushed to her to hold her up not looking at the document.

"Darlene, take a sip of water, breath deep, OK good, now again, OK, are you OK Now?"

"Yeah, but look at this, I mean I knew Wayne was wealthy, but I never asked or cared. This shows I'm worth $25 million dollars, I can't believe that, it can't be right."

"Well, it's not correct, remember I told you I asked them to run the figures based on 5% of your worth, that would make you worth, $500 Million." This time she does faint into his arms.

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

If Only

 **by Castlefan6**

Authors Note **:** Thisis my **AU version** of an alternate ending to Love and Die in LA. Some Angst, some canon but mostly AU. All things are the same till the Gantz ending, Previously notes courtesy of Dust Jackets dot com.

I don't own Castle, I use the characters for amusement purposes only

 **Chapter 9**

 **Previously**

" _Rick, if you start to apologize, I'm going to hit you, and I mean hard. I always wanted to help, there were days I struggled, and I mean bad to the point I could have been one of those girls. God if I could help just one person get their life on track, I would be happy," as her fingers opened the envelope, removed the contents, and then almost fainted. Rick rushed to her to hold her up not looking at the document._

" _Darlene, take a sip of water, breath deep, OK good, now again, OK, are you OK Now?"_

" _Yeah, but look at this, I mean I knew Wayne was wealthy, but I never asked or cared. This shows I'm worth $25 million dollars, I can't believe that, it can't be right."_

" _Well, it's not correct, remember I told you I asked them to run the figures based on 5% of your worth, that would make you worth, $500 Million." This time she does faint into his arms._

 **Red Rock Canyon**

 **Park Grounds**

 **1:30 PM Local Time**

Rick laid Darlene out on the grass, took his jacket to put behind her head, and took out his clean hankie and wet it with a bottle of cold water from the picnic basket.

"Darlene, can you hear me, Dar, just take it easy Sweetie, breathe, that's good another deep breath," as he applied the cold compress to her forehead, till she finally came around.

"Hey are you OK? There's a first aid station just a little farther down this road, I can carry you, I don*"

"RICK, stop, it's OK, I'm OK well I think I am. I must have passed out when I read that number wrong"

"Dar, it wasn't wrong, remember Wayne is a billionaire, he's made a fortune developing half of the valley, he has earned his money, and his record of charitable donations is impressive."

"Rick, I was married to Wayne for 5 months, after dating for 18 months, I never knew how much he was worth, nor did I care. This is too much, I have to give some back to him."

"Darlene, you can't, it's in the terms of your divorce, unless you go through another court proceedings, you're stuck with being rich. Sorry to be the bearer of such terrible news" as he smiles at her. She is so sincere, so open and honest, she just wants to do the right thing and Rick smiles, knowing that fate finally got it right, one of the good people were blessed.

"Why are you smiling Rick, did I do something stupid other than faint in your arms? I mean I'm so sorry, but thank you for being there to catch me"

"No Dar, you didn't do anything stupid, I was just thinking of all of the people in the universe to be blessed with a windfall, I couldn't think of one person that deserves it more than you, now shh, I mean it.

You have so much to give, that you don't even see it, I mean look at me, my daughter loves you and hasn't even met you. Why? Because you concern yourself with making life better for others, it takes a really special person to do that, and you are the real deal"

Darlene is beet red now blushing, from embarrassment from fainting, as well as all of the beautiful words Rick has used to describe her.

"You know Rick, it takes two people to have a friendship like this, I mean my God we've know each other slightly over a week, yet I trust you with my life. That goes against everything we were taught, be reserved, be cautious, men will hurt you, guard your heart, and yes, I did get my heart broken.

Look at the results, we are now able to put plans in place to help so many young girls and those who need our service since they have served us proudly in the Armed Forces. I would take every bit of that hurt all over again if we can pull this off, and with you as my partner, my friend, my very special man, I'm sure we can do it.

Let's look at those plans so we'll be ready when Wayne is, I think he will be all in for this. Rick, in confidence, no one knows this, but his brother died homeless after serving two tours in Vietnam. Wayne is much younger, but remembers his big brother, and how he went away and never came home."

"I'm so sorry, thanks for telling me, but that's a secret that belongs hidden. I think we should dedicate the first building, to him, honoring his service, nothing more said. How does that sound?"

Darlene is in tears now, and takes the two steps to just hug Rick as she sobs,

"You big hearted sensitive man, you have so much compassion for others, I'll be here for you till we find your happiness, regardless of who, or how long it takes, I promise you that, I'll ALWAYS be here for you." She gets out between the tears.

A tear comes to Rick's eye with the word Always, as he chokes back the emotion, and kisses Darlene's head like he would Alexis, and gently rubs her back, and lets her sob, yeah if only. God life is a mess. He loves Kate, Darlene loves Wayne, Kate loves who knows, and Wayne loves Steve, it couldn't be any bigger of an If Only if he had written it in a Tragic Comedy works.

 **JFK Airport**

 **11:45 AM Same Day Local Time**

Kate did a lot of thinking after the visit from the boys and Lanie, she couldn't come up with enough reasons not to use the free flight and hotel to try to get to Rick. It was obvious that he thought of her as a Friend, and like in high school, once banished to the Friend Zone the chances of anything more developing between them diminished by the day.

She was nervous, probably because she had never done anything like this before. She always waited on Rick to make the move and he did, over and over, but this time she knew, it was up to her, or he was out of her life.

As she passed through security, then approached her gate she stopped to get a bottle of water, and something to read at the newsstand. Staring at her, almost like he did in real life there was Rick's latest Heat book proudly displayed, and even though she had two copies at home she purchased a copy, to finish on the flight.

As she checked out to pay, the clerk, went on and on about how hot he was, and she was really going to enjoy the book. Finally, Kate faked being a foreign citizen saying something in French, the girl finally shut up.

Great the last thing she needed was a Castle cheering section, she already felt like he was so much more on this earth than she. I mean millionaire best selling author to lead NYPD Homicide Detective, no comparison. Thoughts of doubt ran through her head again, what does he see in just a cop, he could have almost anyone.

Lanie had called her this morning and reinforced, well chewed her out about all the reasons Richard Castle loved her, and how she had stopped something beautiful from happening. Her words come flooding back, "Kate, he's done everything but put it in a written Sky Writer message and he'd do that if he thought you would understand. That man loves you, even Javi told you twice yesterday he would have kicked your ass to the curb, and you know how much Javi loves you.

Once again, Kate is in first class courtesy of Rick, his gift certificate was valid up to $10,000. Where the hell did, he think she was going to fly, but that was Rick, wanting everyone to have the comforts in life that sometimes Kate felt he somehow thought he didn't deserve.

The Cosmopolitan had arranged a limo and small suite once they validated the certificate and confirmed it was from Rick. She had requested that they keep her arrival quiet, since she was going to surprise him. In reality Attack would be a better word, she was going to corner him and make him hear how much she loved him, and she didn't care where or who was present.

The flight once again passed quickly as she completed the last 6 chapters, she should have picked up on changes in the writing earlier. It seemed to change from very optimistic at the beginning chapters to cautiously optimistic, to the ending was almost sad. Rook had witnessed her dating and falling in love with a new detective in her precinct, so he had volunteered for recall to the Armed Forces, to serve in the Middle East.

When Heat checked, the division Rook was assigned to had the highest rate of casualties of any branch of service. He hadn't killed Rook yet, but it would only take a few paragraphs and the relationship, both fictional and real would be totally dead. Kate thought back and he had mentioned that he might cut the contract for Heat series short, and she pretended to celebrate, even showing a fist pump, when she really never wanted to stop reading his words.

Why did she act like such an Ass? Why did she hurt him at every opportunity? God, would he even talk to her when she got there, or was this trip a waste of time? Inside a mental voice said, "Like you had so many better things to do, you're suspended idiot". No matter what Rick's texts had said, she had plenty to apologize for.

After finishing the book, left on a cliff hanger ending on purpose, she felt less optimistic than she had when she started on this journey. She took out her iPad and started a list of all the times she had been rude, hurtful, and lately actually cruel.

She had issued the blanket apology once she dumped Josh but thinking back the hurt was more on her than anyone or anything. She uttered the harsh words, she put him down, she made fun of some of his ideas, and worse she expected him to be there forever, the longer he stayed the worse she treated him.

Javi had been right, God, he should have told her to stick it up her ass years ago, yet he smiled through it all, even Los Angeles. Yes, she did know that he loved her and how it made him feel talking about Royce. No matter what she did, he had her back, until, well, until now.

The plane touched down at 2:11PM Local Time, 4 minutes early, and once again, with only a carry-on bag to retrieve for luggage she was out of the plane and on her way to, to where? Then she saw the young driver with a sign, the name Kate Heat was displayed, below the Cosmopolitan name banner on top. When someone asked for discretion, this place took it to heart, no wonder it had such high ratings.

"May I carry that for you Mam, we are just down this escalator, and out the door, ETA to your room, 15 minutes. My name is Mike, and I hope you have a pleasant stay with us at the Cosmopolitan."

After a few minutes, Kate is entering the back of a new Escalade, and on her way to the hotel. True to his word, they arrived curbside in 9 minutes,

"Thanks Mike, it looks like you really have your act together, I mean such a system I just called yesterday."

"Yes Mam, you are the friend of Mr. Rook, so please enter the VIP door just to your left, the check-in package should be ready for you, I'll have the bell captain place your bag in your suite, is there anything else we can do to make your stay enjoyable?"

"No, thank you, everything is great, and I appreciate the discretion, means a lot to me,"

"Yes Mam, we have many guests with similar requests, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas, at least at our establishment, Enjoy your stay and Good Luck" as Kate slipped him a tip of the denomination she had seen Rick do in previous situations.

"Thank You Mam, and have a great day"

Kate entered the VIP door feeling very much out of place but was immediately made at ease by the staff,

"Good afternoon Ms. Heat, Mike radioed you were in route, we have you setup in a suite on the 47th floor of the Chelsea Tower, I hope that is too your liking."

"I'm sure that will be fine. Just curious but could you tell me how close I am to Mr. Rook, or can you divulge that?"

"Well normally not, but since you are on his guest certificate, we can make an exception, he's on the 52nd floor Penthouse, same tower as you. You would need a room key to his suite to access that floor, I'm sorry."

"Oh no that's completely fine, thank you and please don't mention I am here, I am trying to surprise him"

"Understood, and Welcome to the Cosmopolitan, Enjoy your stay"

Kate made her way to the elevator, found her room, and there in a suite bigger than her apartment in New York on a dining room table was a huge fruit basket with a welcome message from Dan Tanaka, Rick's personal Concierge. As she made her way to the bedroom, fresh cut flowers and another smaller basket of luxury bath oils waited for her"

It was only 2:55 PM, she had plenty of time for a nap, then wake and plan out her approach. God if this were his lifestyle, what the hell was she waiting for, she could get used to accommodations such as this. She slipped on comfortable PJ's and was out within 10 minutes, dreaming of the man just a few floors above her now.

TBC


	10. Chapter 10

If Only

 **by Castlefan6**

Authors Note **:** Thisis my **AU version** of an alternate ending to Love and Die in LA. Some Angst, some canon but mostly AU. All things are the same till the Gantz ending, Previously notes courtesy of Dust Jackets dot com.

I don't own Castle, I use the characters for amusement purposes only

 **Chapter 10**

 **Previously**

 _Kate entered the VIP door feeling very much out of place but was immediately made at ease by the staff,_

" _Good afternoon Ms. Heat, Mike radioed you were in route, we have you setup in a suite on the 47_ _th_ _floor of the Chelsea Tower, I hope that is too your liking."_

" _I'm sure that will be fine. Just curious but could you tell me how close I am to Mr. Rook, or can you divulge that?"_

" _Well normally not, but since you are on his guest certificate, we can make an exception, he's on the 52nd floor Penthouse, same tower as you. You would need a room key to his suite to access that floor, I'm sorry."_

 _**************************************************************************/_

 **Kate's Suite**

 **Cosmopolitan Hotel Las Vegas**

 **6:00 PM Local Time**

Kate suddenly awakes and momentarily forgets where she is, then she see's the view from the window that she had not drawn the shades, neon lights were flashing coming attractions to the Miracle Mile of Planet Hollywood. Gee, she's in Vegas, so now what does she do, Rick had made it clear to her in his last text he was NOT ready to talk and would let her know when he was.

Well, little did he know that she was on a quest to prove to him, or was it herself, it could be both that she loved him and would go to any limit to show him. She just had to find an opportunity to see him, preferably alone, but even if he were with Darlene she was determined not to be denied.

She could call his room, NO, bad idea, what if Darlene answered, worse what if she interrupted them, she wasn't buying this just friends crap he had been trying to sell on his website.

Even through Paula Haas's work making TMZ air an apology and admit it was only a rumor hadn't convinced Kate, she knew how he looked at Darlene and there was something there.

The pictures of Rick, Darlene, and her now ex-husband in the courtroom painted anything but a love triangle, but Kate knew Rick perhaps better than anyone, and he felt something for this woman.

As she thought what approach she could use to find Rick for the all-important conversation, it dawned on her that although only just after 6:00 PM Local, it was already past 9:00 PM and she hadn't eaten today. Turning on the TV, customized for her, even with her name appearing on the first screen, she browsed the restaurants that were inside the hotel, and close to her tower.

She freshened up a bit, grabbed a hoodie that said Las Vegas a typical tourist would wear, donned her sunglasses then headed out to Holsteins, an upscale burger and seafood place on the 2nd floor. As she waited for the elevator to arrive, a little boy had run away from his mother and pressed the buttons, up and down. As the elevator going up stopped, there they were, Rick and Darlene, as she froze, Rick's voice came from within,

"Excuse me mam, are you going up?"

The mother of the little boy apologized, "I'm sorry, Jacob got away and pressed all the buttons, I'm so sorry"

"That's OK, at least he's having fun" as Rick flashed his genuine smile toward the young mother, he glanced at Kate who had buried her head deeper in the hoodie and was thankful she had purchased new sunglasses that he didn't recognize.

The doors closed slowly as Kate heard Darlene say, "Let's go to my place, to" then the voices faded out as the elevator started up again. Kate thought for a moment about forgetting the meal, but her stomach growled, and she proceeded with her original plan.

Holsteins was everything advertised and more, bringing tons of memories back to her. She reflected on the days where Rick and she grabbed a burger at Remy's so many miles away, and what now seemed like a lifetime of time gone by as she ate as much of her meal as she could.

His voice had shaken her, she wasn't prepared to see him this quick, and Darlene was even more beautiful than any picture, no she wasn't ready for that. To hear that sweet voice asking Rick to her place was almost more than she could take, a tear forms as she signs her bill and heads back to her suite.

 **Darlene's Penthouse**

 **Cosmopolitan Hotel 15 minutes later**

"Rick, are you OK, I mean did I say or do something to offend you, if so, I'm so sorry but please talk to me, I don't know what I did wrong,"

"Oh Dar, I'm so sorry, it's not you at all, I mean that lady and her little boy on the 47th floor, the one that pushed the buttons"

"Yeah, why did that upset you? I mean you smiled at him and like you said he was just having fun"

"Well, it wasn't them, that lady with the hoodie and sun glasses, I swear it was Kate Beckett, the one I'm trying to*"

"Rick, I know who she is, but why did you think that lady was her, she's in New York what would she be doing all the way out here, I mean isn't that very out of character for her from what you've told me?"

"Yeah it is, I don't know maybe I'm just imagining things, I don't know what the hell is going on, the only time I don't think about her is when I'm with you. I mean I just enjoy your company and I really am trying*"

"Oh Sweetie, if anyone knows about trying, I know, as she gathers him into a hug almost motherly. His head rests on her bosom as she gently strokes his hair, and she plants small kisses on his head, "I'm here for you Rick just like I promised, go ahead talk if you're ready."

Rick composes himself, and clears his throat, " I guess I'm tired, jet lag or something, and you're right, it couldn't be Kate, Hell she wouldn't come to my Loft to talk when we were in New York, she sure as hell isn't going to travel two thousand miles"

"Well a broken heart takes time to heal as well, and as tough as you want to think you are or put on the act for me, yours is broken to pieces and it's OK to feel like hell. Just remember what I said, you've been here for me through it all, and I will be for you, no matter what, you got that?"

He smiled, and kissed her cheek, "I got it, and Thank You!"

"Now let's get back to those plans so we can be a step ahead of Wayne, that is if you still feel like working on them."

"Rick, Let's compromise, we'll work on the plans for an hour or so, then you take me dancing again, I haven't had a partner that didn't step all over my feet since 6th grade" she laughed as she saw that big smile come back.

"You got it, I love dancing with you, and that band is back tonight, the one we loved the other night"

Rick and Darlene had decided it was best to take a phase approach to both projects. The young runaways were going to be the biggest challenge to reach, they had stars in their eyes, and hopes for million-dollar careers, that alone would make it easy for the Pimps once the money and dreams had faded away.

The youth group had over 500 volunteers to pass out the contact information for a hotline, would be phase one. Rick negotiated, well used Dan's contacts to negotiate with branches of the major chains for blocks of rooms, secured from outside Pimps if the youths got the courage to leave. Darlene had met and hired a social worker that she had knew in Ohio and was setting the counseling plans in motion.

They wrapped up the nights work satisfied they had a huge head start, and depending on the level of Wayne Marzano's generosity, plus Rick's contacts in New York would define what the final model would look like. Both were happy that others in need would be helped.

Rick was working with the Armed Forces Brass to get names, real names cross referenced with Police Records for drug arrests, vagrancy and all of the usual associated charges of the homeless. One stipulation for the Vet's they had to agree to a psychological exam, treatment if needed, and drug abuse abstinence.

There was property that Wayne owned an option on, that could be a perfect Whole Way house, Rick always hated the term Half Way. Again, they had gone as far as they could tonight, and Darlene wanted to get Rick out for some fun, he needed it.

She pulled him up from the couch, that hey had shared for the last few hours, not realizing just how close they had been sitting together, or how easy one or the other would put their arm around the other. It was so comfortable without having to worry, it brought them both back to the fact that they had found something neither had ever had before, a best friend.

"Come with me Mr. Castle, I need to dance, and we aren't sitting out the slow ones, I want to hold you tonight, I'm here for you."

He pulled her into him and kissed her gently on the cheek, barely grazing her lip on the way, "Yes Mam" as they walked out of the suite arm in arm.

 **Kate Beckett's Suite**

 **Same Time Frame**

If the appearance of the mystery lady had shook Rick up, it had destroyed Kate. She couldn't accept the fact that it was her actions that put him that close to such a beautiful woman, he was so close yet so far away. She barely kept her food down when she returned to the room, what the hell, Castle was paying for it, so she hit the mini bar for a couple of expensive bottles of liquor.

God Damn it Kate, there you go again, as she stopped, IT's not his fault, how many times do you have to live through this to get it, and why do you blame him? She threw herself on the bed and wept, she must have bumped the remote, since the TV lite up and of all stations it was an oldies playing sad songs. She raised her head, and listened to the beautiful sad lyrics, coming from the screen, and held the pillow and wept as the words came out of the screen;

Somewhere In My Broken Heart

Billy Dean

You made up your mind it was over  
After we had come so far.  
But I think there's enough pieces of forgiveness.  
Somewhere in broken heart.

I would not have chosen the road you have taken.  
It has left us miles apart.  
But I think I can still find the will to keep going.  
Somewhere in my broken heart.

So, fly, go ahead and fly until you find out to you are.  
I will keep my love unspoken.  
Somewhere in my broken heart.

I hope that in time you will find what you long for love that's  
Written in the stars and when you finally do.  
I think you'll see it's somewhere in my broken heart.  
Girl, I will keep my love unspoken somewhere in my broken  
Heart.

I hope that in time you will find what you long for.  
Love that's written in the stars.  
And when you finally do.  
I think you will see it's somewhere in my broken heart.

Somewhere in my broken heart.  
Somewhere in my broken heart.  
Somewhere in my broken heart.

She wondered, was this what Castle felt like, because if it were, she didn't know how he could ever smile through all she had done. He had to have a better acting pedigree than Martha Rogers, God she hurts, like a physical pain.

She still had the problem, how was she going to reach out to him, now that she was beginning to see just how devastated he had to be to leave, his Daughter, his home, his friends, and now finally she understood the pain he felt and why he couldn't stay.

She thought about calling, but quickly ruled that out, for several reasons, the paper had been right about him and Darlene spending so much time together. She wasn't ready to be rejected before she could state her case, and now lacked the confidence to do it in front of an audience as her earlier bravado stated, God this was a mess.

She pulled out her iPad where she had captured her thoughts from the flight, wait, she didn't have to text or call. She would write him a letter, and be sure it was hand delivered, giving him the option to meet her or not. If he truly had been hurt enough to end all hopes, she could go back to New York knowing she tried, God how she tried to make him understand she knew just how badly he hurt.

She could only hope that somewhere in his broken heart he could find the forgiveness, to at least meet her face to face at least once. She needed a drink, and she wasn't about to abuse the generosity of Rick anymore, so she flipped the sad song station back to the main menu. The Crystal Bar was on the Third Floor, and offered reasonably priced cocktails, and live music, just what she needed she thought.

She entered the bar and was promptly seated in a small booth facing the dance floor, and band stand. She was enjoying the music, calming her nerves as she worked on her second Vodka and Cranberry, then disaster struck.

She looked away, but there walking in were Rick and Darlene, dressed to the nines, and looking very much like a couple, in more ways than one. Holding hands, assisting her with her chair, and her kissing his cheek as she pulled him in to whisper something that brought out the real smile, not the one he had been flashing the last months with her.

The band started back up and played a song by request, an oldie but a goodie as they said, Lady in Red, and it didn't take a genius to know who requested the song or for who. Darlene took his hand and led him to the dance floor, wearing a beautiful dress, RED of course, and from Kate's view she could see, both were holding each other close, eyes closed and enjoying the feel of the other's touch.

Kate managed to get her server to bring her tab, settled it, and slipped out of the bar. As she left, she took one last glance at the couple, their eyes were still closed, slowly swaying and closer to one another as possible, without forming one body. Maybe he had found his cure for the hurt, maybe she really had waited too long and lost him for good,

TBC


	11. Chapter 11

If Only

 **by Castlefan6**

Authors Note **:** Thisis my **AU version** of an alternate ending to Love and Die in LA. Some Angst, some canon but mostly AU. All things are the same till the Gantz ending, Previously notes courtesy of Dust Jackets dot com.

I don't own Castle, I use the characters for amusement purposes only

 **Chapter 11**

 **A/N OK grab the tissues, this chapter made me tear up, and I wrote the darn thing. Remember I too, am a Caskett shipper, but as life takes time, turns and twists, so will this story.**

 **Previously**

" _Rick, Let's compromise, we'll work on the plans for an hour or so, then you take me dancing again, I haven't had a partner that didn't step all over my feet since 6_ _th_ _grade" she laughed as she saw that big smile come back._

" _You got it, I love dancing with you, and that band is back tonight, the one we loved the other night"_

 _*************************************************************************/_

 **Kate Beckett Suite**

 **Later that Night**

It was a long elevator ride back to her suite, as Kate replayed the major events through her and Rick's life since they had met. The first time he really did save her life, staying adamant about having the wrong killer in the Tisdale case, the abuse, and yes it was abuse from both her and Sorenson, then how she punished him for an entire summer of no contact for looking into her mother's case and finding three more families that needed the justice she was seeking for her own.

As she thought, she felt more and more ashamed of how she had treated him, but she couldn't figure out why she did it? He had done nothing but love her, provide for her, and do his best to keep her safe. Her thoughts go to the day he was about to leave for England, but stayed, and who could forget how she felt seeing him kiss Kyra Blaine. In all she hadn't learned a damn thing, or she would be his partner if not his wife by now.

She had ordered a bottle of Vodka and a large Cranberry juice before she left the bar, and it was waiting for her as she entered her suite. She dug into her suitcase and pulled out her writing pad, and her good pens. This was going to take a personal touch and although electronic was faster, she opted for the old-fashioned way, it somehow let her release her emotions as she wrote.

Well here goes she thought.

" _Dear Rick,_

 _I know I'm the last one you expected to hear from, probably the last you wanted to if we're both being honest. Just to be honest from the start, yeah, I know novel concept for Beckett, I am here in Vegas, at the Cosmopolitan. You gifted me the travel certificate for Christmas last year, it wasn't used as I led you to believe, but Thank You, it allowed me to fly here, and to try one last time to see you face to face. We both know there are many things I owe you an apology for, and much more I want, and need to tell you, if you will grant me one last chance to talk to you, face to face."_

 _I know of your situation, in fact I've seen you since I arrived earlier today, Darlene is lovely, and she has done something I never could, make you happy. Your smile gives you away, Rick, I'm not sure if I'm too late, and if I am, I'll leave you to her to be happy. God knows that's the least I can do to try to begin to repay your kindness._

 _Speaking of kindness, you'll never know how much it meant to me for you to accompany me to Los Angeles, and I know I made it appear like I always did but Rick, I really don't know if I could have saw it through without you by my side. God forbid, I'm not sure I wouldn't have pulled the trigger if you hadn't been there, and I know you did it because you love, well loved me at that time. You put your whole life on hold for me, to chase revenge, justice, depending on the moment for a man you knew I once loved._

 _I understand now how hard it was, and why you did it, but when you stepped away to allow me to pursue other people, it doesn't matter which one, just that I see what and why you did what you did. I'm sorry for calling you names and blaming you for not caring. You did just the opposite, you stepped aside to allow me to be happy with someone else. This is hard to write, but if Darlene is your happiness, just tell me, and you'll never hear from me again._

 _I listened to a song tonight, well it was by accident but it's lyrics could have been written with you and I sitting in the room. Part of the lyrics were;_

You made up your mind it was over  
After we had come so far.  
But I think there's enough pieces of forgiveness.  
Somewhere in my broken heart.

I would not have chosen the road you have taken.  
It has left us miles apart.  
But I think I can still find the will to keep going.  
Somewhere in my broken heart.

 _Rick, I never told you, but I hope you knew, I love you, I've loved you for a long while. I spoke to a therapist about why I treat you the way I do, the most reasonable excuse, and anything I say or write is just that an excuse, there is none that would forgive my actions towards you was a fear of being hurt if you left me, like when I lost my Mom._

 _I understand why you left the way you did, I'm sure you saw our experience in Los Angeles as an opportunity to talk about us, and I ran, like I always do. What you don't know is that I came back just as your door was closing, yes Rick, I wanted to start our relationship because you're worth any pain that may come with it, BUT I was too late, that night, but I'm hoping I'm not too late forever._

 _I should have walked to your room, and told you what you mean to me, what you have meant to me even before I met you. My Mom read your books and after she died, your books were the only connection I had to her, I read each and every one over and over and every time I did I got hope from your words and kept the connection to her open. I guess I was afraid that if I started up with you, and lost you, it would be like losing her all over again._

 _Rick, when you left me at the gate to come back to New York by myself, and shrugged off my hug, and wouldn't give me any details, I knew I had finally done it, I crossed that line where you had enough. Your text mentioned self-preservation, and I understand now, but I miss you, I miss us, I miss what we could be, and I'm so sorry for causing you the pain you endured. Please believe me, I would take every instance back if I could._

 _I know how stupid that may sound to you, sometimes I have trouble understanding it myself, but I am opening my heart and telling you how I felt, honestly and truly. You'll never know how badly I hurt when you walked away with Gina last summer, yeah, I know you invited me, and I turned you down._

 _What you don't know was I broke up with Tom to ask you if the invitation was still open, when Gina appeared. That's why everyone treated you so badly earlier this year, I'm sorry for that, you did nothing wrong. I guess they named me Super Bitch last summer, and Captain Montgomery came close to suspending me._

 _You were easy to blame, because no matter how badly I treated you, the next morning you would be back with the coffee, and smiles. I came to look at those coffees as our good morning kiss, or you saying I love you, I know stupid, but Rick, I had you and didn't have to risk my heart, so I thought._

 _When I saw the pictures of you and Kyra, I cried, I know I had absolutely no claim on you, but I hurt worse than when Sorenson moved to Boston. You were right, I did target her because I was jealous, I should have just told you the truth, but I lied like I always did._

 _You never knew I went to the bathroom and cried when you came into the station to discuss we were looking in the wrong part of the case of the Spy game, you only had one coffee, and my heart felt like it was ripped out through my shirt._

 _I know I was with Tom and had lied to you, once again hurting you more and more, but I felt you slipping away from me, and the worst part, I drove you away by lying and taking up with someone to make you jealous. Yes Rick, you were supposed to get jealous and fight for me, not give him an open lane. I wanted to hear those words so badly, that we were an item, and I know it was I who had given you every sign in the world that we were NOT and never would be, just my stupid wishes, I'm so sorry Rick, more than you'll ever know._

 _That's why I'm asking if there's enough forgiveness in your broken heart, to meet with me for a little while. I know you don't owe me anything, and honestly if you had hurt me the way I know I hurt you I'm not sure if I could stand to hear one more thing from my mouth._

 _Rick, please think about the things I have written, every word, sentence paragraph is the truth. If you love Darlene, and are happy just say so, and I will step aside. If you will, I would like to see you, to apologize face to face or say one last goodbye based on your answer,_

 _Please text me if you are willing to meet me the time and place that you choose, and I'll be there, just know I love you with all of my heart and I always will, regardless of what happens. I'll understand,_

 _Yours Always,_

 _Kate,_

 _XoXoXo_

 _Yes, I Do want to hug and kiss you and I love you, KB"_

She dabbed the tear drops that had fallen on the various pages as she wrote, place the letter in an envelope and called Dan Tanaka's phone number. When he answered she explained she had just one request, to hand deliver a letter to Rick, not just to his room but to him in person.

Dan knocked on he door about 10 minutes later, nervous, but professional, inquiring how she was enjoying her stay. She set him at ease with a huge smile and thanked him for his thoughtful welcome gifts. She asked one last favor, text her when he had delivered it to Rick, and Rick only.

Dan assured her he would take care of it personally, and quietly left her suite.

True to his word, Dan went immediately to first Darlene's Suite, not receiving an answer there, he knew where to look next. As he approached Rick's suite, he heard them behind them, Darlene laughing and carrying her heels, Rick gently guiding her with his arm around her waist.

They walked past Dan, then Rick turned,

"Dan, how the heck are you my friend, I'm sorry, we had a great time in the Crystal Lounge tonight, so almost didn't recognize you."

"No Problem Rick, I have something I promised to hand deliver to you, as he handed the envelope to him, as Darlene looked on in surprise, "Something wrong Rick?"

"It's Kate's handwriting Dar, can we go in and open this please, that lady on the 47th floor was Kate," he was almost panicked.

"Dan, can you confirm that Kate Beckett is here,"

"Rick, she arrived yesterday afternoon using a gift certificate you had purchased last year for Christmas presents. She wasn't a problem, and I didn't know your history, I'm sorry if this has caused you concern."

"No, No Dan, it's fine, please be sure she gets what she needs, please, just like any guest of mine"

The look of relief on Dan's face spread quickly. "Of course, Rick, Have a good evening" and he was gone, and at the same time a simple text had been sent to Kate, "Package Delivered, DT".

Darlene had her arm around Rick, and then took charge,

"OK Rick, We're going in and I'm going to stay with you till I know you are OK, that letter is your business, but you are my best friend, and I'm not letting anything happen to you, so come on, as she opened the door, Rick following almost in a trance.

"Rick sit, I'll get you a cold water, now relax sweetie, I'm right here, right where you need me, and I'm not going anywhere."

"Dar, Please open the letter, please?"

"Are you sure Rick?"

"I'm sure"

Darlene is very careful as she opens the letter and only sees "Dear Rick" before she hands the envelope and contents to a man who looked like he had seen a ghost,

"Don't go Dar, Please, sit here with me"

"Right here Rick, Always,"

Rick closed his eyes and took a deep breath then took the letter out,

TBC


	12. Chapter 12

If Only

 **by Castlefan6**

Authors Note **:** Thisis my **AU version** of an alternate ending to Love and Die in LA. Some Angst, some canon but mostly AU. All things are the same till the Gantz ending, Previously notes courtesy of Dust Jackets dot com.

I don't own Castle, I use the characters for amusement purposes only

 **Chapter 12**

 **A/N OK grab the tissues, Another Tear Jerker.**

 **Previously**

" _No Problem Rick, I have something I promised to hand deliver to you, as he handed the envelope to him, as Darlene looked on in surprise, "Something wrong Rick?"_

" _It's Kate's handwriting Dar, can we go in and open this please, that lady on the 47_ _th_ _floor was Kate," he was almost panicked._

" _Dan, can you confirm that Kate Beckett is here,"_

" _Rick, she arrived yesterday afternoon using a gift certificate you had purchased last year for Christmas presents. She wasn't a problem, and I didn't know your history, I'm sorry if this has caused you concern."_

 **Rick's Penthouse**

 **Immediately After Delivery of the Letter**

As Darlene turned on the lights, and retrieved a cold water, Rick was sitting in the same position as he was when she had first helped him into the room, just staring. Whatever had happened to him and Kate Beckett, had done some colossal damage to this sweet man. As she looked upon his sad face, twisted in thought as he stared out the double glass doors to the balcony, she became angry. Something she seldom did, but Darlene Sipos Marzano Sipos was boiling now.

She could see the sadness and hurt in Rick's blue eyes, and she was at a loss of what to do to help him, so she did what came, naturally. She sat on the couch next to him, pulled him into a tight hug, as she rubbed his back gently, and whispered her assurances that she was right there beside him, and would be for as long as he needed or wanted her.

She felt a sense of concern for him that she had never felt for any man before, and it hurt her to see his pain. She was worried as she began placing butterfly kisses on his temple, slightly rocking and hugging him tight for several minutes till he finally started to come out of the almost trance like state he had been in.

He turned his face to her for a moment, and although his eyes were dry now, the tear stains on his cheek, let her know just how deeply this was impacting him.

"Rick, what can I do, please tell me, I don't want to overstep, but I'm worried about you."

After a few moments of silence, she heard his voice, "Will you please stay, and read the letter with me, and before you ask me, I'm sure."

She pulled back slightly, still holding him in both arms, his eyes locked on hers, and before she knew it, she was kissing him, deeply, shocked at first, he returned the kiss with the same gentle love. It wasn't the passionate take me to bed kiss, but more like I love you and I am here for you type, to assure him he wasn't alone.

"I'm sorry Rick, I shouldn't have done that, I mean we ar*"

"Didn't you like it, because I did. I'm not sorry Darlene, we kissed, nothing more and to tell you the truth I know we're in love with others, but it felt damn good to be kissed by you"

"Rick, I don't want to start something I can't commit to, and reading a letter from the woman you're in love with, is not the time to start our next chapter"

He starts to laugh, then the laugh gets louder and harder till tears are coming out of his eyes.

"Why are you laughing so hard Rick, it wasn't that funny, was it?"

"Don't you see Dar, I love Kate, You love Wayne, Kate loves who knows besides herself, and Wayne loves Steve, if we don't laugh, we are going to have a breakdown."

Darlene had enough alcohol in her to finally see the irony, and her anger now turned to a soft laugh, but soon she was laughing as hard as Rick was, trying to picture how the hell would some poor writer capture these emotions in a story.

"Can you do me one favor before we read the letter Dar?"

"What can I do for you, just ask?"

"Will you kiss me again, just to remind me that someone does love me, even if they're not in love with me, no tongue, I promise"

She smiles, blushes then proceeds to kiss him for almost a minute and a half, no tongue but her lips were so soft on his, and he felt her confidence enter him like she was with him to face anything.

"Ready now Rick? I never said I didn't like it, maybe I liked it too much and we have to take things slow. Let's get this out of the way as she gives him one quick lip smacker kiss and rolls off to his side on the couch."

"Ready, and you're right, I'm sorry, (pause) no I'm not I liked it and we're both single and hell junior high kids do more" as the smile returned.

"Letter Rick, Now," as Darlene gives him a look he hasn't seen before and is sure he doesn't ever want to piss her off.

"Can you read it with me, or how do you want to do this?"

"It's your letter Sweetie, what works for you?"

"Sit right here, if I start to lose it, stop me, and then we'll pick it up when I recover, OK?"

"Sounds good, I'll be right beside you, just like I promised." As she looks into his eyes once again locking on them, but this time there is more confidence and strength.

He spreads the 9 pages out, smooths them from the envelope folds, and then insures they are in right page order, satisfied, he takes a deep breath, and said, "Ready"?

A nod of her head and they began to read the first page silently together.

"That was a very nice Christmas present you gave Rick,"

"Yeah, she was dating a doctor, and when they went to Bermuda, I assumed she had used the certificate, guess she held back on it"

"Rick, what does she know of our situation, and where did she learn it from, I mean everyone knows we're friends, actually best friends, but how does that get all the way back to New York. She got one part right, we do make each other smile, even laugh through some tough times"

"Remember when Alexis told you Paula had the paparazzi handled, I guess a few pics made the NY Times, so everyone now thinks we're the next Brangelina."

"Really, I thought that would have all gone away in a day or so, people actually live by those articles?"

"Yep, and that's what I meant by you need to be protected now, as soon as they get wind of your status, all kinds of crap will be getting printed"

"Rick, I know you told me you stepped aside, but the way this is written it looks like she tried the flavor of the month club to hurt you, and you kept coming back. Sweetie I'm sorry I didn't mean for that to sound so mean"

"No, you're right, and it took me a while to notice it, Alexis picked up on it and really gave her hell a few times, but I always caved. In fact we were in LA, on a rogue mission to try to solve the homicide of her former Training Officer, we did, and just for a moment I thought we were connecting but as she said in her letter, she ran, like always."

"Rick, I know we said we're not doing anything but, I have to tell you, YOU make me happy, and I hope I do you. If that ever grows into being in love I don't know. I do know that I love you and I won't stand by and let anyone hurt you like this ever again."

"And I'm supposed to be the wordsmith, I love you too Darlene, but I'd be lying to say my heart was free to give to you. No woman has ever made me happier to be with than you, and you know I will do anything it takes to keep you safe, Right?"

She leans over, cups his face and kisses his sweetly on the lips, again no tongue, that would have to wait till this mess was straightened out. If she thought Wayne and her divorce was complicated, that was child's play to this mess Rick and Kate were in. She turns her phone over and hit's play for Rick to hear the song Kate had reference, it just happened to be one of her favorites and she had it downloaded.

Rick sat, listened to the music, as the phrasing of the words, fit the melody, it was different, almost like it had been recorded 20 years earlier. The simple guitar, and Billy Dean's voice, made each lyric so poignant, a tear appeared in Rick's eye, which he quickly wiped away.

"Dar, why do you have such a beautiful song that is so sad in your library of music, if I may ask"

A small tear appears in her eye, "Because in High School I dated Tom,a sweet boy for three years, he was in a band, and totally faithful to me. All the other girls would lie and say things, but he was true to me. One day he came to my house after a meeting with the band, and he wasn't the same, he was sad. I finally got him to tell me that he was quitting the band, they were offered a record deal and would start on tour in two weeks as the opening act for a National Act.

I wouldn't let him quit the band, that was his whole life, but he wouldn't take no for an answer so I did the only thing I could, I broke up with him and he went on that tour. About a year later I heard that they were coming back to Cleveland, so I went to see them.

He had written a very sad song, similar to this song for me, "Where's the Good in Goodbye", I didn't think he knew I was there, but he mentioned me, not by name, but as his only true love that was in the audience.

They left before I could get backstage to talk to him, and Tom died two months later, and the last song he ever wrote was, "Hurt's my only memory of You". So, when I heard this song, I cried for weeks, then I faced it, and knew that I had set him free, and he flew to where he knew who he was.

Wayne was my first serious relationship since him, and if he hadn't ended it, I know sooner or later I would have. For the first time since he passed, you and your situation has helped me realize that I need to get over him, more so than Wayne. I need to set me free, like I did Tom so many years ago. Here's us years ago," as she pulls up her screensaver photo, of a much younger Darlene, standing with her hand on the chest and her head on the shoulder of a young man, dressed in a suit and tie, and every hair in place. He looked so young, but you could tell they were in love.

When she finished speaking, she turned and held Rick, tightly and sobbed, for Rick, for Kate, and for what might have been, if only. Rick held her tightly, fighting back his own tears, and thoughts of Kyra, without her mother's interference who knows where he would be, again, If Only.

A few minutes later, she looked up into his eyes and kissed him sweetly,

"Thanks Rick, I haven't been able to talk about that in over ten years, it really felt good to get it out"

"You're welcome love, I know what you mean. Kate wasn't my first although she's hurt me more than my first true love Kyra Blaine and two ex-wives."

"A Rose for Ever after" right, Rick I cried all the way through that book, it's one of my favorites."

"You Cried? It wasn't supposed to be sad?"

"No but the story of your breakup that was publicized later on was, and I cried for you both."

"I guess you really are a huge fan, that was only on the website for a week before I made them take it down"

"Rick, I want to ask you a question, you don't have to answer if it's too personal, but what was your relationship with Kate? I mean it sounds like she was getting ready to jump your bones in that Los Angeles Suite, I'm sorry that's crude and none of my business"

"Honestly, you and I have kissed 11 times, which is ten more than Kate and I have. The one kiss we did have was a ruse to get past a lookout when our partners were being tortured. We never spoke of it afterwards, and I never got that vibe she described in her letter from her when I was there. We had one moment where I thought she would open up, but she withdrew and went to her room"

Darlene looks at him, with sad eyes, "So now what Rick, do you see her, she did come all this way, or do you send her back to New York with no answers? I know how much this means to you, and really, I think I need to leave you to decide. I'll be upstairs one floor away if you need me, call me and I'll run down the steps, OK?" as a tear drops from one of her eyes.

"Hey, Best Friends for now, Right? Let me work this out, we'll see where things go for us then, OK? He takes his thumb and gently wipes Darlene's tears away. "I promise, as soon as I know we'll talk, OK? I need you Dar, I know this is going to be hard no matter what and I have to be able to lean on my best friend"

Darlene, strengthens herself as she stands, taking Rick's hands in hers, "And your best friend will be here for you, I promise. One question, then I promise I'll let you get to it"

"What is it, Darlene,

"Has it really been 11 times we kissed?" she smiles,

"Not anymore, gotta make it an even dozen" as he kisses her with the slightest bit of tongue this time and she can feel her toes begin to curl, damn that man can kiss,

"Call me, I'm good with whatever makes you happy, just do something you can live with Rick, please"

 **A/N Some of the events are based on Real Life Experience with names changed to protect the guilty. Please no bashing of Darlene and Rick who are consenting adults who have done Nothing wrong**

TBC


	13. Chapter 13

If Only

 **by Castlefan6**

Authors Note **:** Thisis my **AU version** of an alternate ending to Love and Die in LA. Some Angst, some canon but mostly AU. All things are the same till the Gantz ending, Previously notes courtesy of Dust Jackets dot com.

I don't own Castle, I use the characters for amusement purposes only

 **Chapter 13**

 **Previously**

 _Darlene looks at him, with sad eyes, "So now what Rick, do you see her, she did come all this way, or do you send her back to New York with no answers? I know how much this means to you, and really, I think I need to leave you to decide. I'll be upstairs one floor away if you need me, call me and I'll run down the steps, OK?" as a tear drops from one of her eyes._

" _Hey, Best Friends for now, Right? Let me work this out, we'll see where things go for us then, OK? He takes his thumb and gently wipes Darlene's tears away. "I promise, as soon as I know we'll talk, OK? I need you Dar, I know this is going to be hard no matter what and I have to be able to lean on my best friend"_

*********************************************************************************/

 **Rick's Suite**

 **Cosmopolitan Hotel**

 **Later that Day**

Rick had called Darlene, just to be sure she got into her suite safely and told her he thought he was going to answer Kate's letter point by point so it might take a while. She agreed it was a good approach and he could list the pros and cons of each of his decision options, to see which made the most sense. God she was smart as well as beautiful, right before he hung up her heard the crack in her voice,

"Darlene, if you want me to, I will tell her right now to go back to New York and take our chances, whatever you want, I don't want to hurt you for anything."

"It's silly Rick, it really is, just my insecurities, but I want to ask you something, please?"

"You know you can ask me anything, you're my best friend in this world"

"Well, I know you're going to see her, don't ask me how I know, it's a women thing, but please Rick, when you do, uh I well", then all rushed out in one big word "PLEASEDON'TKISSHERPLEASE "

Rick strained to make out the last word, as he mentally sounded it out,

"Darlene, did you just ask me Please don't kiss her, Please? Because if that's what you asked, I promise you, I won't. To prove it to you, you can come with me, IF I see her or you can set up a spot where you can see everything I do. I don't want to be that guy on page six for you, I want to be like your Tom if that makes sense."

"How do you do that as he hears sniffles over the phone, Just when I think I can get through a conversation with you without being more amazed at your compassion, you go and say something like that, Rick, that was the sweetest thing you've said to me, I trust you and really I have no hold on you, well at least not yet."

"You know what I like, I mean from all the things you just said?"

"What"

"The Not Yet part, because that tells me I'm not wrong to trust my heart, finally. I'm not pushing, sorry, but that made me happy Dar, so very happy. Not yet, yeah I can live with that"

He can't see but Darlene is one floor above smiling and twirling her hair, hoping that her heart is leading her the right direction as well.

"Hey, get to your letter, if you're not done by dinner, I'll come get you for a meal break, OK?"

"That's great Love, Thank You, I mean it, Thank You for being you, talk to you soon, "

Rick pulled out the letter, this time with a great deal more confidence than when it was first delivered, it was a sucker punch and brought him to his knees. It seemed like every time he was putting some space between him and Kate, she would reel him back in somehow. Well this time he was going to go about it point by point, and not in a cruel way, which wasn't him.

" _Dear Kate,_

 _As you can tell I received your letter, Dan hand delivered it per your instructions and yes it was a shock to know you came this far. I'm glad you finally found the Christmas gift useful. I want to respond to your letter, and the only way I know is open, honest and as kind as I can be. I won't lie Kate, this hurt is one that cut me in pieces, and there's a lot of healing that needs to be done, not even considering anyone else beside you and me._

 _As far as apologies, I have already told you there is nothing to forgive, it's all in the past, and I can't see one useful purpose, other than to hold it over your head, which is exactly what I don't want._

 _I'm not sure you really do know of_ _ **my**_ _situation, and not being rude, it really isn't any of_ _ **your**_ _business. Thank you for the compliment for Darlene, and agreed she's a beautiful woman, inside and out. She does make me happy, happier than I have been in years so if the smile is your indicator, kudos to you Detective, you got that one right._

 _You're welcome for the trip to Los Angeles, although I'm not sure I was as helpful as you remembered it, the important thing is that Mike got justice and you didn't do anything stupid, well more stupid that taking off in the first place. I'm sure Montgomery is getting his pound of flesh for that, and I'm sorry that you have the suspension to serve._

 _My resignation was long overdue, the incident just made it prudent to submit it now, it was nice to be vindicated and Seager get a taste of his own medicine._

 _I'm not sure what path my life is going to take now, so there is no reason to return to the 12_ _th_ _precinct, or to consulting for Police at all anymore. Once again you mentioned Darlene, and Detective, I would really appreciate it if you kept the correspondence between Kate and Rick. I don't ever remember asking for details for your suitors and their intentions, so the answer is we are happy, that's all you need to know for now._

 _I know that last comment may sound a bit rude, but excuse me, I get a letter special delivered to my suite yesterday from a few floors down to advise me of feelings you think I know you have for me. I don't know how I would have known or even suspected you had feelings for me, the closest we came to a real conversation was in the suite at the Four Seasons._

 _When I called your name the hardest blow you delivered was your comment, "Good Night Castle", after the week we had, you felt so much for me that you couldn't use my first name, as I did when I pleaded for you to turn around. I'm sorry that you opened the door too late but isn't that the story of our time together. As for being too late forever Kate, again my life and plans are in flux, BUT low on the list is a return to New York and my past life._

 _Thanks for letting me know about your Mother, and I'm sincerely grateful you found some comfort in my works. Also, thanks for explaining the deep freeze I got when I returned to the precinct, earlier this year, I have to admit, that is one of my biggest disappointments of all the time I spent there._

 _I had been told by alternate sources why even the Captain seemed angry and it was National Kick Kastle month at the NYPD, once again a LIE, your LIE, started a chain of events that I eventually paid the price for, Not your finest hour but as I said, it's in the past, gone and forgotten._

 _The Captain has also apologized in private, but the lack of professionalism, not even considering what I considered friendships was just one more determining factor to leave for the west coast once I knew your mission was over in Los Angeles._

 _Do friends treat friends the way those loyal to you treated me? Not hard to evaluate that one Kate, even for you when you have your blinders on. You mentioned the case with the Spy Game, that entire series of episodes with Demming are days I wish I had never met Kate Beckett or created her alter ego Nikki Heat._

 _You have went to great length to explain your pain, your desire, your love for me, yet all I read is words, Kate, and with my profession words are worthless, unless they are supported by fact, or a great plot line. Since life isn't fiction, that leaves us with facts, actions or deeds, and I can't remember one supporting action for your words I love you. If you wanted me to tell Demming we were an item, you would have made sure we were, other than your words "touch that and I'll shoot you", or "you can watch Castle"._

 _The beautiful thing about memories or recollections, we can shape them into how we wanted events to have occurred, rather than how they really did. As I read your letter, many of the events have different story lines than the ones you describe, but that's not important anymore. It's the past and will stay in the past._

 _You asked a question, "Will I see you to talk before you return to New York?" Well I have an answer of a Conditional Yes, with these conditions,_

 _No Hugging, Kissing, or any physical contact. You can present anything you would like for 30 minutes without interruption, then I'll take up to thirty minutes to ask any follow up questions that I may need clarified. If it sounds formal and organized, it is by design Kate. All to often we have started to talk to be interrupted by things from both sides, this time, we have the open lane as you described._

 _I'll warn you this Kate, some of the questions I will ask will be direct, to the point, and will require yes or no answers so if you still want to meet face to face under these terms, we can meet tomorrow at 1:00 PM Local Time at the Crystal Lounge, here in our tower, the same one you were at last night._

 _I've asked Dan to return this reply, just as you used him to reach me. If you want to meet Text Meet Yes nothing more to my number and I will meet you tomorrow, if you don't agree with the conditions, enjoy the remainder of your stay, and safe travels Detective,_

 _Rc"_

Rick called Darlene, there is no way he was going to let this letter go out without her seeing it and knowing where he was coming from. She was at his door 5 minutes after he called,

"Rick, this is a tough letter, are you sure you want to send it this way? I mean it's your friend, and I can see the hurt in your eyes, but do you think she will understand some of your points. Her letter was full of me, me, I, my, and this is so factual, almost like a corrective action plan."

Rick smiled, "God I hadn't heard that since Quantico, I mean when I visited my friend there" as he tried to cover a fact not yet in evidence.

Dan stopped by picked up the letter and gifted Rick and Darlene dinner for two at the new exclusive restaurant just opening on the 5th floor, called The Q including reservations in 45 minutes.

"Rick, one question, and please tell me the truth, how much influence did I have in your letter to Kate? I don't want you to blow up the bridge, you should be trying to patch."

"Truthfully, you had a great deal, you gave me the courage to demand to be treated better, I had lost sight of my self-worth. If you're asking did I answer Kate's questions thinking you and I were a done deal, No, absolutely not. They wouldn't be fair to her, you or me. You gave me the strength to be Rick again so I'm in your debt.

She reached up, pulled him down for a sweet kiss, this time the tongue was initiated by her, then she broke apart, leaving him speechless.

"Rick, we've got a reservation to make" as she flashed that beautiful smile, God this is going to be fun he thought,

 **A/N Please don't bash the letter, it was written from a man who had been played like a cheap guitar and had finally regained his manhood to answer back to some of the hurt he had been dealt. It was not meant to vindictive, cold yes, but vile no so please temper your comments if you are a Beckett or Caskett Shipper as I am.**

TBC


	14. Chapter 14

If Only

 **by Castlefan6**

Authors Note **:** Thisis my **AU version** of an alternate ending to Love and Die in LA. Some Angst, some canon but mostly AU. All things are the same till the Gantz ending, Previously notes courtesy of Dust Jackets dot com.

I don't own Castle, I use the characters for amusement purposes only

 **A/N In spite of warnings, I get the messages of hate, remember please I am a Caskett Shipper as well, BUT not every story is condensed into 48 mins of air time and all go home happy at the end, that's just not life. Hold On, it will be a ride, but better days will come, just not as soon as I am being shouted at to do.**

 **Chapter 14**

 **Previously**

" _Rick, this is a tough letter, are you sure you want to send it this way? I mean it's your friend, and I can see the hurt in your eyes, but do you think she will understand some of your points. Her letter was full of me, me, I, my, and this is so factual, almost like a corrective action plan."_

 _Rick smiled, "God I hadn't heard that since Quantico, I mean when I visited my friend there" as he tried to cover a fact not yet in evidence._

 _Dan stopped by picked up the letter and gifted Rick and Darlene dinner for two at the new exclusive restaurant just opening on the 5_ _th_ _floor, called The Q including reservations in 45 minutes._

*********************************************************************************/

 **Kate Beckett Suite**

 **47 Floor Cosmopolitan Hotel, Las Vegas**

 **8:45AM Local Time, Next Day**

Kate had just returned to her room after her visit to the gym, like everything at the Cosmo as people called it, it was top notch. She had showered and dressed for a casual day, waiting to hear from Rick, if he would answer at all.

Dan had texted her that he had delivered the letter, so she was sure he had received it last night. She was at his mercy now, and it didn't feel good having to wait, not knowing, if or when, another emotion she had put Rick through.

As she was sipping her tea, coffee just didn't taste right, even the expensive blends left her with a bitter taste, and glancing at the paper when her phone rang in the room. It startled her, and when she picked it up, it was Guest Services, verifying she was in her room, there was a delivery for her. Less than ten minutes later she heard a knock on her door, and peeking out she could see Dan.

As she opened the door, she could tell he was a bit upset, and started to think what she had done to rattle him.

"Miss Beckett, Rick has asked me to hand deliver his reply to your letter, and I must say when he saw your handwriting it came as a shock to him. You weren't forthcoming and truthful about the reason for your visit, keeping the information from Rick, and shocking one of my best friends as well as this hotel's elite guests.

You should have been honest with us, at least to let us know there was more than just a surprise visit. You placed me in a very precarious position, which made not only myself, but two other guests quite uncomfortable. I will not be part of this, whatever it is, so please enjoy the remainder of your stay, Rick has asked that I continue to be your concierge, which I agreed to do, for Rick, but I will not get involved with matters of the heart anymore. Is there anything I can do for you today Miss Beckett?"

"No, Dan, and I apologize for placing you in the middle of things. You're right, I hadn't thought it out, it was selfish of me."

"Apology accepted Miss Beckett, enjoy your remainder of your stay and please call me if I can assist in any other way," as he turned and walked quickly away.

Kate was truthful, she hadn't given it a second thought how her surprise, or pursuit of Rick could be viewed as even stalking in some states in the worst case, best case it still put a strain on those not involved with her and Rick's situation. She had set her sights on making Rick hear her, and everyone else be damned. Typical Beckett behavior she thought, and now she held the envelope.

Her hands began to tremble as she traced his bold, distinctive handwriting, Detective Kate Beckett, was on the outside of the envelope. Oh God, this didn't sound like it was going to be a good letter, his reference as Detective always meant he was putting distance between the two as individuals.

She began to open the envelope, then stopped, walked over and poured a large measure of Vodka into a drinking glass, adding only enough cranberry juice to color the liquid. After taking two healthy swigs, she began to relax just a bit, and slowly made her way to the couch with the reading light on. Her hands once again fumbled but her nail found one open space and began the slow painful process of separating envelope from what could hold her future.

Finally, the letter was free, Rick had chosen to reply to her using a personal handwritten reply but used the hotel stationary that was complimentary to his room. As she took a deep breath, she unfolded the 5 sheets of paper, and smoothed them on the small coffee table. She didn't dare look at the first page, not yet, she reached and took the last drink for courage and then sighed, "this is it, good or bad." As she read, the tears began to fall,

Her eyes darted to some lines in the first paragraph, _I'm glad you finally found the Christmas gift useful, want to respond to your letter, and the only way I know is open, honest and as kind as I can be, there's a lot of healing that needs to be done,_ only then did she allow herself to go back and read the first paragraph in it's entirety.

The wording _**of as kind as I can be**_ set her expectations that this was not the response she had been praying for, she wasn't sure what the remainder contained, but that one line stood out, it didn't fit Rick's style. He never had to mention or draw attention to his kindness, it was just him, through good and bad he was always the kindest man anyone could know.

The next paragraph once again reinforced Rick's text, that although he was hurt, there were no apologies needed, he had already forgiven her. She breathed a sigh of relief with the words, _and I can't see one useful purpose, other than to hold it over your head, which is exactly what I don't want,_ but that relief was short lived as her eyes travelled down to the next paragraph.

The first words she caught were _it really isn't any of_ _ **your**_ _business,_ how many times had she told him that, not as politely as he had but still she could hear her words come echoing back to her, and they hurt like hell. The sword twisted in her soul as she read. _She does make me happy, happier than I have been in years so if the smile is your indicator, kudos to you Detective, you got that one right._ Once again, he had referred to her as Detective, not Kate, not even Beckett, but her official tittle letting her know how he viewed her as he wrote.

Even worse, he had put on paper his profession that Darlene made him happy, and the time frame of years was not lost on her that it matched the time they had worked together.

Through tears she read the next paragraph completely downplaying his role, and how vital he had been in solving Mike's murder, not to mention keeping her from perhaps committing a crime that would definitely had ended her professional career, if not her life.

Kate knew him well enough to understand the sincerity in his line, _the important thing is that Mike got justice._ He had been with her from the beginning and knew how important Mike had been to her, hell she had been in love with the man. That had to be a very bitter pill to swallow for Rick, but he was there having her back just like always.

More tears flowed from her eyes as she continued to read about his resignation being overdue, his path in life now uncertain, and perhaps the hardest line yet, _so there is no reason to return to the 12_ _th_ _precinct, or to consulting for Police at all anymore._ Not only had he decided to leave the 12th, but also his involvement in assisting the police at any location.

This had been his zest for life, his reason to seek the truth, and inspired more of his words to flow through his books. Now those words could be forever muted, and Kate felt a huge responsibility for being a major player in that decision.

She reeled a bit when she read _Detective, I would really appreciate it if you kept the correspondence between Kate and Rick_ but thinking about it, he was right. She flaunted suitors in front of him, but not once had he asked their intentions, so what gave her the right.

She did notice that whenever she brought Darlene's name up, he was quick to defend her, even cutting Kate like a knife with some words. Once again, he had called her Detective, putting the space he desired between them, if only on paper.

She dried her eyes, and pressed on, determined to finish the letter, even if it killed her or she had cried her last tear before she completed it. The hurt he felt was reflected directly back to her as she read _When I called your name the hardest blow you delivered was your comment, "Good Night Castle", after the week we had, you felt so much for me that you couldn't use my first name, as I did when I pleaded for you to turn around. I'm sorry that you opened the door too late but isn't that the story of our time together. As for being too late forever Kate, again my life and plans are in flux, BUT low on the list is a return to New York and my past life._

Once again a flicker of hope ignited within her as she read his thanks about her Mom, but the flicker was overcome with a tidal wave as she continued on to _I had been told by alternate sources why even the Captain seemed angry and it was National Kick Kastle month at the NYPD, once again a LIE, your LIE, started a chain of events that I eventually paid the price for, Not your finest hour but as I said, it's in the past, gone and forgotten._

She was no longer crying, but sobbing almost uncontrollably now, because as awful as the words were to read, she couldn't imagine having to live through the days being treated so unfairly, and never knowing why. Had he truly put the lie and it's fallout in the past, and forgiven column, Kate knew she needed to talk to him and apologize face to face, if not for him then for herself.

She stopped for a moment, walked to the counter and refilled the vodka and cranberry drink once again, this time using the largest glass. Taking a gulp helped some, but she would have needed an IV of the solution to get through the next part. The friends not treating friends was hurtful, true, but still hurtful.

She began to read the line about the Spy Case when her eyes jumped ahead and she read, _that entire series of episodes with Demming are days I wish I had never met Kate Beckett or created her alter ego Nikki Heat._ How could he write that, or even think it, then the memory of the mocking, taunting and public affection display came rushing back to her and she almost lost her breath, the pain was so deep.

How could she ever had done what she did, no wonder he pulled away, but it took him almost 9 more months to finally reach the breaking point, proving that he had her back in the toughest of times. His text summed up his reasons the best, it truly was a self-preservation move, she could see she was killing him slowly and painfully with her actions.

She was almost too emotional to continue but she saw there was only one final page left, pushing on she read the remainder of the letter, including the final two paragraphs, _I'll warn you this Kate, some of the questions I will ask will be direct, to the point, and will require yes or no answers so if you still want to meet face to face under these terms, we can meet tomorrow at 1:00 PM Local Time at the Crystal Lounge, here in our tower, the same one you were at last night._

 _I've asked Dan to return this reply, just as you used him to reach me._ _ **If you want to meet Text Meet Yes**_ _nothing more to my number and I will meet you tomorrow, if you don't agree with the conditions, enjoy the remainder of your stay, and safe travels Detective,_

 _Rc"_

She pulled her phone out before she could second guess or blame him for anything and sent the text as instructed, "Meet Yes" and hit priority send on her features option. Less than 5 minutes later she received a short reply, " **Meeting Confirmed, Tomorrow 1:00 PM Crystal Lounge Rc"**

It was going to be a long day today, and an even longer night. 1:00 PM tomorrow couldn't come fast enough in some ways, yet in others she wished she could slow time down, because if he really said goodbye tomorrow, she wasn't sure how she would go on,

TBC

 _ **Once again, this was emotional to write, as I'm sure it will be to read, please hold the bashing of Kate, Rick, Darlene or me till you allow the story to play out.**_


	15. Chapter 15

If Only

 **by Castlefan6**

Authors Note **:** Thisis my **AU version** of an alternate ending to Love and Die in LA. Some Angst, some canon but mostly AU. All things are the same till the Gantz ending, Previously notes courtesy of Dust Jackets dot com.

I don't own Castle, I use the characters for amusement purposes only

 **Chapter 15**

 **A/N Remember this is tougher for me to write than for you to read and I am not promising a happy ending, just the possibility of joy, so please hang on. Hate or Reviews that bash ANY character will be deleted.**

 **Previously**

 _I've asked Dan to return this reply, just as you used him to reach me._ _ **If you want to meet Text Meet Yes**_ _nothing more to my number and I will meet you tomorrow, if you don't agree with the conditions, enjoy the remainder of your stay, and safe travels Detective,_

 _Rc"_

She pulled her phone out before she could second guess or blame him for anything and sent the text as instructed, "Meet Yes" and hit priority send on her features option. Less than 5 minutes later she received a short reply, " **Meeting Confirmed, Tomorrow 1:00 PM Crystal Lounge Rc"**

 *************************************************************************************/**

 **The Q Restaurant, Cosmopolitan Hotel**

 **Previous Night, 9:00 PM**

Rick and Darlene were one of the 50 guests invited for the inaugural opening of the 5 Star restaurant, The Q. The waiting list for reservations was a preverbal who's who in Tinseltown. Several A List Actors and professional athletes didn't even score a ticket, so Darlene was even more Awe stricken with Rick's status with the hotel.

"Wow Rick, If anyone back in Ohio had ever told me I would be dating the world famous Author Richard Castle and scoring tickets to a grand opening preview for the latest 5 star restaurant that Tom Hanks, Julia Roberts, Beyoncé, and several professional athletes couldn't get, I would have checked them for drugs."

Rick smiled at her as they walked to their table with flash bulbs going off all around. She looked at him, stopped for a moment, and as he turned, took her free arm, placed behind his head and pulled him in for a deep romantic kiss. The cameras went absolutely crazy with this PDA, and Rick held the kiss for the longest of time, finally coming up for air, and locking eyes for a long time, before stumbling to his seat next to Darlene, rather than across.

"Dar, you know the press is going to go crazy with those photos tonight and tomorrow, I'm sorry I'll call Paula an*

"You'll do no such thing, I want everyone in the world to know, that we are dating, and with dating comes kissing, so they can live with it. Someone reminded me he liked it and he was right, kids in junior high have more sexual activity than we have."

"Darlene, are you sure Hon, I mean I'm used to this, but I don't want your name dragged through a rumor mill of lies"

"Then call Paula, and tell her to put out a statement, that Richard Castle and Darlene Sipos are now an official couple, so all official information about them will be coordinated through her office." She smiles and looks into his eyes with a look that has him melting, "That is if you want to, like I said, I'm proud to be seen on your arm Rick, and I want to serve notice that any woman is going to have to fight me to take you."

He leans in, turns her head and kisses her sweetly and gently, "Would my Lady excuse me while I make a very important call?"

"Of course, I will, Please hurry back to me, I'll miss you"

Rick stood, took a few steps from the table then returned with Paula on Speaker Phone

"Hey Paula, it's Rick and Darlene, look there's gonna be a ton of pictures hitting the airwaves soon, s*

"OH God Ricky, don't you ever learn, I'll get right on it, where are they being taken at?"

"Well if you would let me finish, Darlene and I want to issue an official statement that we are a couple and are announcing it tonight at the preview of The Q restaurant here in Vegas, can you get a statement out before these vultures print any of their crap."

"Darlene are you sure you want to be associated with this crazy man," Paula laughs, and Darlene doesn't hesitate,

"Absolutely, please release the statement."

"Let me go and I'm on it, talk soon kids, Enjoy!"

"What made you change your mind, I mean we're best friends, but you wanted to give me time to get another out of my system, what changed," as he held her hands and looked deep into her eyes, seeing nothing but love and comfort there.

"Well remember when I left you to write the letter, and you called just to make sure I arrived at my suite which is one floor directly above you, I knew how much you cared then, enough to look after me even if I was only one floor away. It's been me since we came to Vegas, and when I rushed that question out, asking you not to kiss her, your answer told me everything I needed to know, that was yesterday, and this is today."

The smile on Rick's face could have lit up a city block, as he pulled her into a quick sweet kiss. They were forehead upon forehead lost in each other's eyes when they finally heard the waiter and then tried to behave themselves during the meal. Just like a couple of High School kids out on a date, they shared dishes, kisses, stories, kisses, looks and kisses. It anyone had doubts that this was the new powerhouse couple before tonight, they removed all doubts.

 **Kate Beckett's Suite**

 **Cosmopolitan Hotel, 11:00 PM Local Time**

Kate had almost recovered from the Rick's response to her letter, she even managed to fall asleep for a few hours, but woke on the couch with a pounding headache. It had to be the cranberry juice because the vodka was out of this world. She popped a couple of aspirins flipped on the TV and grabbed the novel by any author but Rick as her backup book from the flight out, what the hell was it's title, who cared she didn't read it that much anyway.

Turning her attention to TV, she once again saw the TMZ logo come up and thought this could be interesting, let's see what lies they are spewing tonight. As the camera pans in she turns the volume up higher and hears,

" _ **Tonight, we are coming to you live from outside the long awaited The Q Restaurants grand opening, being celebrated by a select few of our finest celebrities. We can tell you many didn't score the coveted invites but one who did was New York Author and creator of Desert Storm and Nikki Heat Series, Richard Castle and his date, the former wife of Las Vegas developer of the year, Wayne Marzano.**_

 _ **We have some film clips from earlier this evening as the new powerhouse couple made their entrance, as they cut to the film of Rick escorting Darlene across the path, nothing wrong with that Kate thinks, then the display of Public Affection or PDA, initiated seemingly from Darlene but Rick didn't struggle or resist. The display is caught and shown from multiple camera angles, and then as the film dies down, the reporter is asked by the host,**_

" _ **Tell me this is the real deal tonight, we don't want another shit storm by Paula Haas, Castle's publicist and business manager. "**_

 _ **Quite the contrary Harvey, I am quoting from a press release just released jointly by Mr. Castle and Miss Sipos publicist, Paula Haas,**_

" _ **It's with great pleasure we announce the formal coupling of two of the beautiful people in the world. Rick Castle is off the market ladies, his heart now captured by the beautiful Miss Darlene Sipos, who made this statement though our office"**_

" _ **Many things have been said and printed about Rick and me during the last several weeks, but tonight, you are getting the story straight. Rick and I are officially a couple, meaning hands off ladies, all of you, I don't share," Darlene laughs a bit, then continues**_

" _ **Seriously this is new to Rick and I both, we have things to work out but it's a heck of a lot more fun to be with each other when we do, than when we are apart" Please direct any further questions to Paula, and note the only OFFICIAL news will come from her, especially to my friend at TMZ, take a lesson and contact Paula before you air anything.**_

 _ **The reporter is a bit embarrassed by airing the unedited tape but recovers well, and says,**_

" _ **Proving that we at TMZ take accountability for our actions even when it would be easier not to, Good Luck to the new couple."**_

Kate rushes to her bathroom and looses her dinner, He hadn't promised anything but a meeting and now it was clear it was going to be her chance to say Goodbye, not take me back or let's finally start our relationship Rick, it was over and Darlene had done what several others had tried and failed, captured his love, and his heart.

Well, she had told him if Darlene made him happy to tell her and she would step aside, looks like tomorrow was her chance to say goodbye and bow out gracefully. He was happy, no one knew that better than Kate, and as much as she wanted to hate Darlene, she couldn't. She knew now that coming to Vegas was the right thing to do, she would at least get the closure that she would have missed had she remained in New York.

She arranged her flights back to New York for the last flight out, 11:00 PM Local time, arriving at JFK at 6:05 AM EST the next morning. The time after meeting with Rick would allow her to re-think her life, her goals, and the sacrifices she had made in this quest for justice or was it vengeance for her Mother.

She would need to re-evaluate cost versus reward, had she given up too much already? What price can you put on your happiness, or better still how can you treat it so callously that you throw it away in a quest that would only bring additional heartache to all you come in contact with.

She had lost Rick, and with him her chance for her one and done, her hope for happiness and the saddest part of all, she had done it all herself. Darlene hadn't had to lift a finger to win his love, just show up and give what she wouldn't, herself.

She found the sad music station that had originally played the song Somewhere in My Broken Heart and tuned to it, as she lay down on the bed, she knew it would be futile but she had no choice, it was still hours till 1:00 PM and her meeting, well her farewell to Rick. The sad songs, replaying Mike Royce's letter in her head, she had read it so many times she knew it word for word, the additional memories that flashed through her mind, and her feeling of hopelessness somehow lulled her to sleep, with Mike's words "If Only" echoing through her head over and over almost on a loop.

Through the night, Kate wept, and mourned, tomorrow couldn't come fast enough.

TBC


	16. Chapter 16

If Only

 **by Castlefan6**

Authors Note **:** Thisis my **AU version** of an alternate ending to Love and Die in LA. Some Angst, some canon but mostly AU. All things are the same till the Gantz ending, Previously notes courtesy of Dust Jackets dot com.

I don't own Castle, I use the characters for amusement purposes only

 **Chapter 16**

 **Previously**

 _Well, she had told him if Darlene made him happy to tell her and she would step aside, looks like tomorrow was her chance to say goodbye and bow out gracefully. He was happy, no one knew that better than Kate, and as much as she wanted to hate Darlene, she couldn't. She knew now that coming to Vegas was the right thing to do, she would at least get the closure that she would have missed had she remained in New York._

 _She arranged her flights back to New York for the last flight out, 11:00 PM Local time, arriving at JFK at 6:05 AM EST the next morning. The time after meeting with Rick would allow her to re-think her life, her goals, and the sacrifices she had made in this quest for justice or was it vengeance for her Mother._

*****************************************************************************/

 **NYPD 12** **th** **Precinct**

 **6:00 AM Next Day**

True to form Roy Montgomery arrived at the station precisely at 6:00 AM and started his normal routine, when he spotted the NY Times laying in his guest chair again. Someone on night shift wanted to make him aware of things happening, but didn't want to "get involved"

Just as the last instance the sports section had been moved down, and the Entertainment section placed in it's position. It took less than a second for Roy to recognize that Rick was deep in the throngs of a kiss, and it wasn't with Detective Beckett. He had heard, unofficially of course, that she had flown to Las Vegas to try to make things right with Rick, but apparently things weren't going so well. He decided this would require coffee, and perhaps a booster, depending on how bad the article was.

After making not one, but two cups of coffee, and transferring them into his travel size cup, he returned to his office, but noticed someone in the bullpen, as he got closer it was two someones, Ryan and Esposito. They were never in this early unless they were working over from the previous night.

"What the hell are you two doing here so early? Something going on I should know about Detectives?"

"Sir, no Sir, we just ah I mean we I*"

"What my partner is trying to say sir is we were talking about a case and came up with a possible lead and wanted to jump right on it early this morning" Ryan says with as much conviction as he can muster as Esposito looks on with WTF look.

"You know, I still haven't figured out which of you two are the worse liars, you want to help Beckett, get your coffee and get your asses into my office."

"Yes Sir" as they move swiftly away from the Captain, and towards the break room.

"Do you think he knows anything about Beckett?" Javi asked

"Were you born that stupid or did you take lessons Javi, of course he knows, what he doesn't know is that Officer Riley is putting the copy of the Times on his chair when he sees something not going well for Beckett and Castle."

"Well I pity your ass if he does find out he's been doing it with you paying him off in food you bring in. I love her like a Sister but sometimes I just shake my head and wonder if it wouldn't be better for both to just go their ways and get over each other, all I see is a bunch of pain"

They return to Captain Montgomery's office, who by now has finished the article, including the press release from Paula. Beckett is due back from suspension in 3 days, so the timing couldn't be worse. Roy is sincerely worried he may have to take the final course of action, if she returns like Beckett of old, he'll have no choice.

"I thought I asked you two to go to her as a friend and talk to her, to get her to get some kind of agreement worked out with Castle. I wanted him back here, but more than that I don't want Beckett to come back guns blazing leaving me no choice but to fire her, what happened with your meeting?"

Kevin took the lead and explained how they included Lanie and Kate had first resisted what she called an Intervention, but after some tough love, especially by Javi supported by Lanie and finally him, she came around. She understood the concern, not for her personal life, well they were concerned about that as well, but the largest issue was no one wanted to see the team change dynamics, especially through Kate getting fired for something she could control.

He then explained about the Christmas gift from Rick, and the last text to Lanie was she was on her way to Vegas to apologize and try to make things right, hopefully she wasn't too late. Well apparently,, that hadn't gone quite like she hoped, as they all looked down at the picture of Darlene and Rick in a lip lock and the caption underneath read, "Marriage Pending, ?"

The article went on to embellish the release Paula and Darlene had given with some speculation, how the newest power couple would be residing in Las Vegas as soon as Rick completed some obligations in New York, no word of engagement, just as the press release deemed it Coupling, meaning they were off the market without a promise or vision of marriage, YET.

"Has anyone spoke to Kate since she's been out there, I mean did she even get an opportunity to meet with him?"

Javi responded, "I got a call early this morning from Lanie, apparently, she watched TMZ last night after she pulled a double shift, saw the announcement, and called Kate. It's not good Cap, Lanie said she could barely talk but is flying home tonight leaving there at 11:00 PM Local time, getting in here tomorrow at 6:15 AM. She told Lanie that she didn't want the guys coming, but she needed her, so for now we are left on the sidelines to support however we can."

"Well I knew this was going to happen sooner or later, and Espo, no matter how much you think it's all on Rick, it's not. He took it as long as he could, guess something happened in LA that made him rethink his position, and his chase of Kate. Knowing Rick, as much as he loves New York, Alexis and his Mother, it had to be something really bad for him to walk away,

I don't want to know the details, that's none of my business, what I do want is the message to get to Kate loud and clear, that I am, as she is, being watched just waiting for her to screwup and they are gunning for her. She HAS to be the model cop and leader when she returns, or the brass will fire her. Mayor Weldon is close to Rick, and he's already told Commissioner Boyle, no more fuckups or she's gone, regardless of how good a cop she is."

"Sir, do you think they would really fire Beckett? She has the highest closure rate in*" Kevin asks timidly and is cutoff by Captain Montgomery.

"Ryan, her team including you and Espo and Castle have the highest closure rate in the city, and Yes, after some of her past escapades they have very little tolerance left, and will fire her, perhaps even demote me in rank, not worried about that, but it's a possibility."

Espo stepped up, "Captain what can we do, just tell us, both of them are family, God knows losing Castle is going to hurt us all, but we can't lose Kate too, it just can't happen."

"I agree Espo, get with Lanie and see what all she said and how she really was, maybe we can meet her at the airport tomorrow to let her know that she's got us, and she needs to get through this for the good of the team as well as herself."

"Great Idea Captain, I'm sure she won't be expecting us, and as long as we don't push too hard, I think it will help, maybe we can just have breakfast there and then let her open up to whom ever she chooses if she does," Ryan contemplates

"Check with Lanie and see what she thinks, keep me posted", as he waves his arms to usher the boys out as his phone rings.

Javi takes that assignment and after a quick visit with Lanie they all agree that breakfast with Kate, then let her go would be the best approach, after all, it would be up to her to control her temper so all they could do would be to show support. They arrange to be at the airport at 5:45 AM and wait for her at the gate using authorization from Captain Montgomery to use their Police Identifications.

 **Darlene's Suite**

 **Cosmopolitan Hotel 6:00 AM Local Time**

Darlene is awake, looking over at the man who had just rocked her world not once but several times. His eyes were closed, breathing very steady, so she laid her head on his chest, hearing the steady sound of his heart thrilled her when she recalled one comment in the height of their inaugural voyage to blissful territory, he had told her that his heart beat for her.

This man was so full of love, she knew he loved her, and she was now confident that in time Kate would become a memory to him, just like Tom was to her, the main thing was not to push it, let it happen.

They had not planned on spending the night together last night, but when he walked her to her door, she couldn't wait any longer, so she initiated the love making. It didn't take much to overcome the "Are you sure Dar, I mean I can wait if you aren't ready," as he lips crushed that argument and began a night she would never forget.

As she lay there, she felt an arm raise and pull her closer to him, she lifted her head and looked into those eyes of blue, then kissed him gently saying "Good Morning to my man"

"Good morning to my Lady", as he returned her kiss with one as sweet and long.

Rick/Dar they both started to speak at once, "You go ahead Rick, tell me what's on your mind, and remember you can tell me anything."

"I was just going to ask you if you were sorry, or are you still just as happy as we were last night"

His answer comes in the form of a beautiful blonde gently climbing on him and kissing him with passion he never remembered before, "Answer your question Rick?"

"Sure does, what were you going to ask me Dar?" She smiles and gently nibbles his neck, "the same thing, are you still happy now that the deed has been done, was I what you expected and am I what you want."

Her answer comes with another round, where this time Rick focused solely on her satisfaction and wouldn't give in till, he was sure she had traveled to places no man had taken her before. Then the grand finale was a joint effort and each seeing stars and bright lights at the same time.

She lay in his arms, spent, exhausted and oh so satisfied as he whispered, "Did that answer your question Love? Yes, I am still happy, even happier than I was, you are far more than I ever dreamed or expected, and you are all that I want, God you're beautiful"

She had doubts before they made love to which woman Ricks mind would be loving, would it be her or Kate, her answer came the first time they made love. He whispered to her, my eyes are open because when I make love to you for the first time, and every time, you're going to know it's you, no one else, just you, and he did, God did he ever.

They spent the remainder of the morning getting ready, it took three trips to the shower, to finally get clean enough for Rick to discover his clothes were all in his suite. He threw his clothes on from the night before to make the trip down one flight of stairs, with Darlene holding his hand. He was dressed and groomed and ready for the day, then it dawned on him today was meeting day.

Darlene sensed the change in him immediately, "Rick, what time are you seeing her? Remember why you walked away, and you never cheated on her, this is not cheating on her. I know it makes you sad, but you deserve to be happy, and right now I am just over the moon that it is with me. I'm here for you, and I will be till you no longer want me, or I no longer breathe."

"How do you do that? God, I have to be really careful around you or I'll be in trouble all the time" Rick flashes that genuine smile.

"Well, let me catch you ogling some other woman and yes you'll be in trouble, I know it's early but no matter what we call this, we are a couple. I'm true to you, this I swear, I know others have hurt you, I want to take that away and replace all those bad memories with ones that we are making to keep us both happy."

Rick pulls her into him in a hug, "Pretty special that lady of mine, reads me like one of my books, and makes me feel I can accomplish anything with her."

"Speaking of that we have a meeting with Wayne on the 13th at 10:00 AM to discuss the property and our plans for the projects. I'm really glad we got that work done already, I just need to hold you as long as I can before you go to her. I know it's over but Rick" *

"Darlene, you have nothing to worry about, I promise, but again if you want to come or pick a spot to watch I am fine with that. I owe her one last face to face to clear the air, whatever she wants to talk about, and then for me to let her know that I forgive her and wish her happiness.

The only way we can be happy is to part with the old in a way that is respectful to our values, so Thanks for being understanding, but no worrying. I'm coming home to you, promise." As he kisses her gently.

"I'm sorry and I trust you with my heart, so no I don't need to come, or watch. I'll be waiting here to support you when you get back because this is going to be hurtful to everyone, it's just life, it sucks but nothing you can do to change it"

"I know Dar, and I wish I could end things without any pain, but as you say it's life and hurt is part of it, I have to leave in 40 minutes so can you come here and just hold me till then, I love to feel your arms wrapped around me."

She is in his lap in two steps, arms wrapped around his neck and her head on his shoulder, "Is this OK Rick?"

"No, it's perfect"

TBC

Tough chapters I know next up is the talk then Kate's return to NYPD. I may slow the pace down, it seems the faster I post the more undesirables send hate so not sure if I will keep up this pace or slow it way down.


	17. Chapter 17

If Only

 **by Castlefan6**

Authors Note **:** Thisis my **AU version** of an alternate ending to Love and Die in LA. Some Angst, some canon but mostly AU. All things are the same till the Gantz ending, Previously notes courtesy of Dust Jackets dot com.

I don't own Castle, I use the characters for amusement purposes only

 **Chapter 17**

 **Previously**

Darlene sensed the change in him immediately, "Rick, what time are you seeing her? Remember why you walked away, and you never cheated on her, this is not cheating on her. I know it makes you sad, but you deserve to be happy, and right now I am just over the moon that it is with me. I'm here for you, and I will be till you no longer want me, or I no longer breathe."

"How do you do that? God, I have to be really careful around you or I'll be in trouble all the time" Rick flashes that genuine smile.

******************************************************************************/

 **Crystal Lounge**

 **Cosmopolitan Hotel, Las Vegas**

 **12:55 PM**

Kate had struggled through her morning, applying enough makeup to conceal the bags under her eyes, she hoped, he used to notice everything, but that was before. He probably didn't even care now, so she had worked on some note cards to keep her on track, given the structure of this meeting. She thought she would be the first to arrive but when she stepped up to the podium, a young man asked Miss Beckett?

She nodded her head, and he replied, "Please follow me" as he led her to a private room where Rick was waiting. He looked good, he had lost about 15 pounds, and toned up, and something else was different, he wasn't so edgy, but seemed relaxed and confident. He had acted like a cat on a hot tin roof the last few cases they worked.

As she approached, he stood, and motioned for her sit across from him, the young man pulled her chair out and assisted her, then asked politely, "Can I get you anything to drink Mam?"

"Hot tea with honey please, lemon on the side"

"Yes mam, it will be right out to you." He started to ask Rick, and stopped as Rick waved him off, and placed his hand over his glass.

The silence between the two of them was heartbreaking, former partners who had talked about everything and anything all that remained now was silence. The tea arrived and was placed in front of Kate, who acknowledged with a Thank You.

She cleared her voice, knowing that Rick is not going to say anything until she did, after all, she could have cancelled this meeting, but there were things she wanted to say, and in her heart she knew he didn't want the relationship to end badly.

"You look good Rick, looks like you've been working out."

"Thanks and yes I have but I don't think you flew 2,000 miles to compliment me on my workouts, what do you want to say Kate, just let it go, like I said I won't interrupt for 30 minutes, the floor is yours."

"OK, you're the master of words so here goes. I know I have written you I'm sorry for all the things that happened, and as you pointed out in your response, the ownership was mine, for those I ask you to forgive me. Saying I'm sorry as much as I have in the last few weeks, just cheapens how truly bad I feel.

I read your responses, every word, and as hurtful as they were, I couldn't rebut them because they were true. I don't think I ever even thanked you for the Christmas present, I do remember I told you I don't take vacations Castle and tossed the certificate in my drawer. That was childish, and hurtful, please forgive me.

The trip out here, Dan and this hotel have really helped me get through the suspension rather than sit at home and deal with the current events with you and Darlene. I think she's a very lucky woman, and I won't lie, I know that should surprise you, I still wish it were me. I understand why it's not, but one question I have to know before I go, is why did you choose last night to become an official couple?"

Rick sits in silence, writes the question down on a pad, and looks up at her to continue, he was serious about this format.

"When I was called in front of Roy and the Chief of D's from LA and found they had forced you to resign my heart fell into my stomach. I know I had said more terrible things to you and told you to go home, but the truth is, when they told me that you were gone, I wept. Rick you're the best partner I have ever had, and even though any chance of a personal life with you is destroyed, would you consider coming back as my partner? I need you, and so does the team.

You totally dismissed all the hard work, connections, and ideas you had, without you I would never had caught Gantz and Royce's murder would probably have gone unsolved. I want to tell you how hard it was to walk away from you in that room that night, and my calling you Castle rather than Rick didn't enter my mind that it would hurt you so badly, I'm sorry for that, but I've even more sorry that I didn't knock on your door and just have my way with you, the way I had dreamed it for years.

The next morning you had shoved it off, or so I thought, and I just let it go away, let all the bad just go away, don't deal with them, just ignore them as I always did. I knew something was bothering you, but I had no idea you were so hurt, so much in fact you left me to come home alone. I was sincere when I told you I missed you, I missed us, and what we could, well could have been now.

I know you're happy, and I'm happy for you both, really (she had expected some reaction from Rick, but he sat stoic in the same position as he had started) although I have to go back to New York and do what you have done. I need to evaluate my life choices and see what changes I need to make to make me happy, well as happy as I can be now.

As you pointed out, I didn't send you one message, one sign that there was hope or interest on my part in developing what I wanted with you, I loved you but I was afraid, and now my worst fear has come true, I've lost you because I was too blind to see, to suborn to listen, and to cold to let my heart tell me, how did you put it, The heart wants what the heart wants, well I'm too late for that

You also said that my letter was full of empty words, and once again, you're correct, because I know if I had given you one chance to climb those walls around my heart, it would be me by your side, but if only can only go so far.

Mike Royce wrote me a letter, the one that Lanie gave me at the crime scene, I wish to God I had read it to you or with you now, even Mike knew of your love for me, and just like I know you, he saw past the charade and called me on it.

I emailed a copy to you, read it or delete it, your choice but I wanted you to know that I thought I had showed you in some ways, but looking back, I see now they were more to hurt you or make you jealous than to show you I loved you, for that I will forever be sorry,

You mentioned one line that truly broke me, I have to ask, did you really mean what you said about the time and cases with Demming that you wished you had never met me or created Nikki Heat? I knew I hurt you, but Rick, you have to believe me, I never intended to or even knew you felt as bad as you did, Please forgive me.

Rick, You'll never know just how important a man you are to me, I can never explain it, and God knows I sure as hell can't show it, but for the first time in years, I found a reason to put on makeup, to style my hair a little better, to actually start to learn to love again. I fucked it up royally with the Assholes that I played games with, but you did teach me something I will forever be grateful for. That the heart does want what the heart wants.

Today I can tell you I wish you and Darlene the best of luck, I'm pulling for you both, because I want one thing to come from this conversation, I want you to be happy, even though now I know it won't be with me. You'll always be my partner, no matter where you or I go, and I'll always have your back. Should someday you find yourself needing a friend, just know I will always be there for you. If I could undo the last 32 months, and start fresh, I promise you, you would have no doubt of how I feel, but **** If Only", as a tear forms and she looks away,

Rick sits for a few minutes, very quiet, he hasn't moved since they sat down.

"Kate, I know this isn't easy for you, well it's worse on this end, because I have been on your side for the last three years, waiting on you to throw me a scrap of love to hold on to, a glimmer of hope, and every time it was dashed with someone you viewed as better for you than me. It hurts, and it's the last thing I wanted to do, but life and love suck sometime and there's nothing you can do about it. Just know that I have forgiven you and all the others of everything that has hurt me, and I ask the same of you, Please forgive me as well.

Each morning I would bring you a coffee just to see a smile, be it ever so brief on your face, and you were right, they were our kisses and I love you' s but I never knew they were rescinded, I only thought it was my idea. The Christmas present you mentioned, what hurt more than your flippant response and not saying Thank You, I don't think you even knew the value of the voucher till you used it to come here, was the fact you deliberately led me to believe you and Josh had used it to do the deed the entire week in Bermuda.

That was a low point for me, I had just financed the trip for the woman I loved and her on again off again, Super Surgeon, Motorcycle Riding Cowboy to go fuck their brains out for a week in luxury, what a loser no matter how you looked at it. I realized then that I needed to get some of my pride back, but you would call, and I would cave, every time, almost like you had me under your spell.

You asked a question about WHY last night was the night that Darlene and I announced our coupling, the honest answer is, I told her she would know when it was the right time for her, I admitted to her from day one that you owned my heart and she needed to give me time to get over you, if she couldn't do that then there was nothing for us.

Well, the more time we spent together, the less I thought of you, and last night she said was the first time I felt fully committed to her, so she wanted to move on it. This isn't easy to talk about, and like I said, I never asked about Sorenson, Demming, or Josh, mainly because I didn't have to. You never knew how many times I was the butt of a put down, a joke, or a crude remark, and I swore I would never flaunt something in your face. I have no desire to hurt you Kate, truth is, yes I still love you, but it's gets less and less each day."

Kate turns her head, but Rick knows she is crying, as he hands her his handkerchief, then pauses for a moment, and begins again,

You asked would I consider coming back even though our personal life is over, and the short answer is no, I have moved on to another project we'll be announcing soon. Nikki Heat will get one more book, I bought out my contract, so you won't have to be embarrassed anymore.

As for my contributions to the investigation in Los Angeles, it could best be described with I know a Guy, which eventually led you to Mike's killer. I am glad I was there to keep you, or at least make you think twice about pulling the trigger, that's not what Mike would have wanted as your TO you were taught better.

You mentioned re-evaluating your life and goals, I know I have gotten calls from the mayor, Roy and Commissioner Boyle about how stable you are to return to the force, watch your self and keep your cool, even though I'm not there to take it out on, get a copy of a book jacket and take it out on my picture, you have made some enemies with the brass and you need to watch your ass, big time.

Thanks for the wishes with Darlene, I'm not sure where it will go, but for today she knows my baggage and wants to be with me anyway, I wish you the same happiness as well with who ever you find to share your life with.

I think I will just file your email with the letter from Mike, that chapter in the book has closed for us, and no use in trying to go back and re-write it.

 **You** asked the question, and I'm sorry the answer I must give will hurt you. **Yes, I did wish I had never laid eyes on you or created this "extraordinary" female Detective, because of the hurt YOU allowed to happen Kate.**

If Tom were your guy, I could have lived with that, but to flaunt his super knowledge of criminal justice system and telling me I could watch as you two got your groove on in the interrogation room was more than degrading.

He's not a real cop, Nancy Drew, and several other barbs were thrown not only by Tom, but Espo as well, and I kept waiting for my partner to show up, to keep the work environment professional if nothing else, (long pause as Rick collects himself) she never did. What was worse, she joined in, so yes Detective it was at that time that I truly and honestly had wished I never heard of or met the magnificent Kate Beckett.

It was insulting and embarrassed me in front of many of the Detectives who came by and privately apologized for your crudeness. Detective, I was your partner, if not your friend. You reached an all-time low in your ability to totally disregard the feelings of others during those cases, and your PDA, initiated by you in the stairwell hurt more than you'll ever know.

I never knew about you breaking up with Tom, I'm sure that went over well with him, and I didn't replace you with Gina, there was no you when you refused and lied to me. It was a desperate measure by me, a desperate man trying to get your attention. Once again failing and upon returning treated like shit by everyone because I hurt you, if that wasn't the pot calling the kettle black.

Gina went with me, to meet her boyfriend who owns a beach house three streets away and checked in on my progress during her two weeks' vacation. She was in the city and back at Black Pawn before the month was over. She actually saw you and Lanie out at one of the clubs, and I cut her off during a conversation, I didn't nor do I want to now know about that time period, I blocked it out, in order to forgive you, so it's over and done.

I told you to be prepared for direct questions, Are You?"

Kate looks up through Red Eyes and whispers Ask Away.

"Why were the others good enough Kate, and to you all I wanted to do was notch you on my bed post? Why and how didn't I prove my worth to you?"

Kate never paused, never stumbled, "You did every day, it was me who was the coward to take a chance."

"Lies Kate, Why was **I** always the receiver of or the one reaping the fall out from a lie you told"

"Truthfully, the only answer I can give you was you were the only one I cared enough about that could hurt me, so I lied to keep you from trying, Stupid even my therapist said so, but for now that's the best answer I can give"

"Last question Kate, and please think about this one real hard, I know your tell for lying and we have had enough of those to last us both a lifetime. Ready?"

She nodded her head, not looking up to show Rick her tears,

"If I told you that Darlene and I were not a couple, and the only way you and I could be one would be for you to quit the force and your Mom's investigation, Would You?"

She looked up through tears in her eyes and whispered, "I can't Rick, I just can't."

Rick paused, let her compose herself, and then said, "That's the real reason Darlene and I are a couple, she gave up everything to be with me, sight unseen, and you are still hanging on to a quest that is going to get you killed, or you'll wind up a lonely old lady someday all by yourself, think about that Kate.

Your answer was what I thought it would be, Darlene asked me last night if I wanted to wait, and I told her you would never put anything or anyone ahead of the quest. I was right, so with that, I think we've come to the end of the discussion,

Anything else you want to say?"

She couldn't get any words to come out, so she just shook her head no,

"Well like I said, my future is in flux, plans being worked on every day, so I'm not sure when or if I'll see you again. I hope you have a safe trip home, and say goodbye to your friends for me, they truly weren't mine when push came to shove."

"Take care of yourself Rick, can I give you a hug goodbye?

"You take care of yourself as well Kate, I think we're good with this" as he stuck out his hand to shake hers

"Will I see you in New York Rick"?

"I'm not hiding Kate, but there's no reason to come to the precinct, nor do I care to see "my friends" there, so tell them all goodbye for me, it was an experience,"

"Goodbye Detective"

"Goodbye Rick"

Both turned to leave but as Kate turned back to get her purse and turned back again, Rick had disappeared, taking a private elevator leaving Kate alone. As she walked to the elevator bays she looked up and realized, If Only was now just part of her history, everyone tried to tell her, but she would have to re-group and go on. Time marches on,

TBC

Perhaps the most difficult chapter I have ever had to write, so if you're still with me, Thank You, there's a lot more of the story to tell. To the reviewers mentioning about non Caskett, the story isn't done, save those remarks till I mark it complete, Please


	18. Chapter 18

If Only

 **by Castlefan6**

Authors Note **:** Thisis my **AU version** of an alternate ending to Love and Die in LA. Some Angst, some canon but mostly AU. All things are the same till the Gantz ending, Previously notes courtesy of Dust Jackets dot com.

I don't own Castle, I use the characters for amusement purposes only

 **Chapter 18**

 **Previously**

" _If I told you that Darlene and I were not a couple, and the only way you and I could be one would be for you to quit the force and your Mom's investigation, Would You?"_

 _She looked up through tears in her eyes and whispered, "I can't Rick, I just can't."_

 _Rick paused, let her compose herself, and then said, "That's the real reason Darlene and I are a couple, she gave up everything to be with me, sight unseen, and you are still hanging on to a quest that is going to get you killed, or you'll wind up a lonely old lady someday all by yourself, think about that Kate._

**************************************************************************************/

 **Rick's Penthouse**

 **2:15 PM Same Day**

Darlene is waiting for him as he opens the door, sitting quietly on the sofa with his drink, slippers, and soft music playing in the background. He crosses the room, kisses her sweetly, and whispers, "It's Done"

"Rick, if you would rather be alone, I will understand, I know each of us deal with these matters of the heart differently, so please just let me know where you need me to be"

He looks up with tears in his eyes, and pats the sofa next to him, "I need you here, beside me and I don't need to be alone. I feel sad for Kate, even though she hurt me, I know most of it was because she just didn't stop to think. She's really a great person Darlene, I mean*"

Darlene gently puts her finger to his lips, "Shhhh, you don't have to justify to me anything Sweetie, I know she's a wonderful person, or you would never had fallen in love with her if she weren't."

A sad smile comes across his face, "You're something you know that, I mean here I sit going on and on about a woman that you know I was in love with, and you comfort me, not throw a jealous fit."

"That comes later, and you're in love with her still, just takes time for our memories to replace those. Now after you have time to get her out of your system, I'm typically not the jealous type, if you love me, it will show in everything we do but I don't share Love, or Physical intimacy with anyone." As she kissed him sweetly.

 **Kate Beckett Suite**

 **2:25 PM**

Kate had known it was coming but to hear the words, still broke her heart. She had just about cried herself out of tears when she realized she was still holding the handkerchief that Rick had handed her. She gently raised it to her nose, and yes there was the smell, Rick's cologne scent she longed for so many days in the precinct. She carefully folded the hankie, and placed it in a plastic baggie, sealing it from outside elements. Deep in her heart she knew this was as close as she was going to ever get to the man she loved again.

She had spent the night packing, and re-packing just to give her something to pass the time, so she was ready for a late checkout at 9:00 PM tonight, oh God seven hours plus to go. She flipped on the TV and once again the station playing sad songs came on, damn the hotel, didn't they know she was heartbroken.

She was just about to flip the channel on the remote when a song came on that caught her attention. It was a remake of an old song from the 60's when Motown was in its heyday that her parents had played when she was a kid, What Becomes of the Broken Hearted, only this time it was performed by a group from closer to her generation. As she listened, the words hurt, but also gave her a resolve,

What Becomes Of The Brokenhearted

Jimmy Ruffin

As I walk this land with broken dreams  
I have visions of many things  
But happiness is just an illusion  
Filled with sadness and confusion  
What becomes of the broken-hearted  
Who had love that's now departed?  
I know I've got to find  
Some kind of peace of mind  
Maybe

The roots of love grow all around  
But for me they come a-tumblin' down  
Every day heartaches grow a little stronger  
I can't stand this pain much longer

I walk in shadows searching for light  
Cold and alone, no comfort in sight  
Hoping and praying for someone to care  
Always moving and goin' nowhere

What becomes of the broken-hearted  
Who had love that's now departed?  
I know I've got to find  
Some kind of peace of mind  
Help me

I'm searching, though I don't succeed  
But someone look, there's a growing need  
Oh, he is lost, there's no place for beginning  
All that's left is an unhappy ending

What becomes of the broken-hearted  
Who had love that's now departed?  
I know I've got to find  
Some kind of peace of mind

I'll be searching everywhere  
Just to find someone to care  
I'll be looking every day, I know I'm gonna find a way

Nothing's gonna stop me now  
I'll find a way somehow  
And I'll be searching everywhere  
I know I gotta find a way  
I'll be looking

She remembered as a kid, her Mom would play this song, mostly when her father wasn't home and the one time her Dad heard it, he questioned her Mom.

 **FLASHBACK Katie Becket Age 13**

" _Still haven't gotten over him after all these years huh Jo. I'm sorry you had to settle for the consolation prize, but I loved you even when I knew you loved him." As he sadly walked away._

 _Kate had stopped in the hallway, she had never heard anything but blissful romance from her parents, and to hear this, well it just wasn't her parents. She hurried back to her room and stayed quiet till her Mom came up to check on her._

" _Mom, why do you play that song about the broken heart, the one that makes Dad so sad?" she asked innocently._

 _Johanna, replied, "Sweetie, I don't play it to hurt your father, I just play it somedays to remember my early life, when things were different, and I felt so free. I'm sorry you heard that, but there was a boy that I liked very much, but it didn't work out. I met your father, fell in love and then we had you, so who could ask for more?_

 _Kate, looked into her Mom's sad eyes, and sad, "But you never stopped loving him, did you Mom?"_

 _Her Mom looked at her, "Katie, you never forget your first true love, even years later. It doesn't mean I love your Father any less, it's just that special part of my life, well it was shared with someone before I met him."_

" _Sounds like you were Dad's first love, so I'm sad that you couldn't find each other before you fell in love for the first time."_

" _Sweetie, that's a beautiful thought, but life doesn't let you choose your moments, you have to take it day by day and when you find someone who loves you as much as your Father loves me, you hang on to him, never let him go. Men like your father don't come around often, so never waste the opportunity to love someone who loves you,"_

" _OK Mom, I think I have a few years for that,"_

 _Johanna laughed, "Quite a few years if your Dad has his way, you're his little girl and always will be, Good Night Katie"_

 **PRESENT DAY**

Kate smiled and a tear came to her eye, recalling that day, one of the beautiful moments she had shared with her Mom. Too bad she hadn't remembered her advice earlier, but now all she could do was wish them well, and start to rebuild her life, one day at a time.

He cell phone rang, and as she suspected it was Lanie,

"Hey Lanie, how are things in New York," she answered

"We're all fine, the big question everyone wants to know is, how are you? Did you get a chance to talk to Rick? Tell me he's coming back, and things are going to be like they were before, please"

"Let's take those questions one at a time, first off, I am fine, well not really but I'm better than I thought I would be. I had some time to cry last night after TMZ, so pretty much cried out now. Next question, yes Rick and I talked, in fact we just finished our talk about an hour or so ago, and no Lanie, he's not coming back, and things will never be like they were, I'm sorry."

"Kate, I'm worried about you, it's not like you to*"

"To sound rational, and resolved to move on and wish them well? You were expecting the vindictive bitch side of me plotting to foil their relationship whatever way I could?

I don't blame you I had those thoughts but Lanie, he is happy, truly happy so how can you love someone and want to hurt what they love, he would never do that to me.

I know he loves me, he's just falling in love with Darlene more and more each day. I haven't met her, but I've seen her up close a few times, and she is more beautiful than the pictures portray.

The big thing was Rick was calm, confident and very polite in our talk, he could have really laid the guilt on me to make me feel worse than I do, but he didn't. In fact, he wouldn't allow me to go there either. He made it a point to ask my forgiveness for his wrongs, so it wasn't like the lamb led to slaughter, and the things he said, needed to be said. They were hurtful sometimes, but always the truth."

"Well he didn't say goodbye to the Boys, Captain or me, What's with that? Rick was always polite even on days where, well you know what I mean."

"Yeah, I do Lanes, remember when he left for the Hamptons with Gina last year, and all you hated him for it, well it was my lie that caused that. It's a long story, but Rick was hurt, especially at the Captain, and you three, who he labeled as "My Friends, loyal to me" who really let him have it when he came back. Hell, Ryan took a shot at him, claiming it was an accident, but I was there. I think he was angry at Rick and wanted to scare the hell out of him.

He was treated badly and the sad part, Gina went to see her boyfriend that owned a house three streets away, Rick just didn't want to lose face by walking out of the precinct alone after I had agreed to go with Tom, I fucked up big time Lanie, so we really do need to apologize to Rick, I mean all of us.

His words were, tell your friends goodbye for me, I have had enough of their friendship towards me, and Lanie think about what he did for all of you, never even had to ask he just did it,"

Kate hears sniffling on the phone,

"Lanes, are you OK? Why are you crying?"

"You're right Kate, Rick took care of us all and we treated his absolutely awful, others may not have known of your lie, but I did, and I was one if not the worst. I'm so ashamed, I wish I could say I'm sorry, better still I wish I could take it back."

"Well, that ship sailed for us all, he doesn't even want to talk about the days at the precinct, the hardest part I had to hear was when he described the time Demming was with us. He told me he wished he had never heard of Kate Beckett or ever created the alter ego character Nikki Heat, so I have to live with that. Everything he said was true, Lanes I hurt him so much, I never even thought, but he insists he has forgiven us all, and moved on like we should do."

"Kate, I have to tell you, you're handling this better than I thought you would, I'm proud of you girl. Your entire Precinct family is meeting your plane tomorrow for breakfast then the Captain and the boys are heading out, they just want to make sure you're OK"

"Thanks Lanes, maybe on the outside, but on the inside, I want to die, I know I have to move on, and do what Rick did for almost three years, live with the hurt that I caused. Maybe someday I can find someone who I won't totally mess up a loving relationship with.

It's not necessary, but I appreciate the support, just tell the guys, I don't want to talk about Castle, and they are not to say one bad thing about the man, I'll kick their ass since I'm still on my time till Monday."

"Will do Kate, we'll see you tomorrow morning, and Kate, I'm sorry for what that's worth."

"I know Lanes, it's on me, thanks for trying to get me to see the truth, IF only I wasn't so stupid and stubborn, I'll see your guys tomorrow, Thanks for checking up on me, Bye"

Just as she hangs up the phone there is a knock on the door ***

 **Kate Beckett Suite**

 **4:55 PM**

Kate peers out the security lens, and can't believe her eyes, as she opens the door, there stands Darlene, just as pretty as she has been all the times, she's seen her.

"Hi Kate, I know you may not know me", *

"Hi Darlene, I know who you are, would you like to come in"

"I wanted to speak to you woman to woman for a few minutes if I may, if this is too upsetting, I can leave, I don't want to cause you any more pain."

Kate shows her into the living room area and asks her to sit,

"Can I get you something to drink,"

"No I'm fine but thank you very much, I know this is awkward, well it sure as hell is for me, but I wanted you to know that I didn't steal Rick from you, but now that we're together I do love him, and will do anything to protect him.

I'm sorry you are hurting, I've been there, and Rick is feeling absolutely devastated that you are hurt."

"He's that way, Darlene, he takes on the weight of the world, trying to fix everything for everyone, if that's a character flaw, then it's a good one till he puts too much pressure on himself.

I know you didn't steal him, and seriously, when we talked, I could see his old smile the real one, not the fake press smile, meaning you make him happy."

"Thanks Kate, I know he loves you, probably always will, and I won't ever try to take that part of his heart, it's yours and will be forever. I just wanted to tell you, I do love him, more than anyone I've ever known, and I'll do all I can to make him happy and keep him safe.

Part of that is I want you both to feel comfortable if you see each other, there's no reason we can't all be in the same room if the occasion arises, I mean you've been part of his family and **I** don't want to be the reason that ends."

Kate is shocked, at the compassion and empathy of this woman, "Darlene that is very kind of you but I'm not sure Rick feels the same way, I mean I hurt him so badly, how could he ever forgive me for that?"

"You said it yourself Kate, he takes on the world trying to make everyone happy, that still includes you. I know that it's not traditional for two women who love the same man to get along, but I would like to be friendly if not friends.

We share a common interest, we both want what is best for Rick. He has forgiven you, when he told me I thought the same thing you are thinking, now, yeah right, but somehow, some way that man has so much compassion for others he can't hold ill will, no matter if he tried, he's just too kind."

"Darlene, I agree, I don't ever want to cause one moment of hurt for Rick again, God knows I've caused a lifetime already, I do want what makes him happy. That's you, you make him happy and if he had to love another woman, I'm glad it was you."

Darlene blushes, "Thanks Kate, We still don't know where this is going, I mean we love each other but there is so much to figure out, we're just going to take it slow as a couple and let it develop from there."

"You're too kind Darlene, you skirted the real issue, you are giving him time to put his heart back together, the one I stomped all over, and for that I thank you, especially allowing him to hold a piece of me in his heart, God knows why he would want to, but Thank You.

You know when I first saw you, I thought it was your beauty that Rick was drawn to, but I see now, it's your compassion and empathy, yours matches his."

"Actually Kate, I made the move on Rick, I saw him hurting, and I just wanted to take him in my arms and make it go away. I couldn't since I was still married to Wayne, but Rick stood by me as a friend through the divorce, and shielded me from the press, even when it cost him.

I really thought when he saw you in your hoodie and sun glasses, he was getting ready to go back to you, he truly loved you. When he stayed by my side, as just a friend, then I knew that we really didn't need to look at a calendar to figure out if we had been together long enough to be called a couple."

"Well, if we're honest, I came here to get him no matter what I had to do, when I saw him with you, I knew it was a lost cause, I know him better than anyone, he loves and hurts deeply, please take care of him, I know I don't ha*"

"Kate, it's OK, you still love him, I know it's tough, but I promise you, I will never hurt him if I can humanly avoid it.

I'm sorry to have intruded in your day, but I thought this talk was important, thanks for inviting me in."

"Darlene, thank you for not treating me like the diseased piece of flesh he just had removed, and for being so considerate, I'm shocked, but in a good way, and even though I hurt, it hurts a little less knowing he is happy, thank you"

"Well safe travels and please stay safe on your job Kate, I know Rick is worried you'll go back unfocused and get hurt, I don't know if he could take that. We both know he would blame himself so for us all, PLEASE take care of yourself," she stood shook Kate's hand and was out the door.

Kate closed the door, turned and leaned against it for support, and this time cried for Rick, not herself. All the tears she had shed were over her loss, Darlene had been so sweet, it made her realize that Rick was the victim here, that he didn't deserve the pain she caused.

Maybe, just Maybe he left her with a life lesson that would get her through the long days ahead, He still loved her in some small way. It was enough, well enough for now till she could love him enough to truly let him go, God why did Darlene have to be so perfect, she didn't stand a chance with him after her, but she would be a better person for next time, if there ever was one with someone new.

She took her luggage and headed to the airport to start the next chapter of her life, for the first time in a long time truly alone again, naturally.

TBC

Again, tough to write, but there's more story to tell. No one goes through life without tears, even fictional characters.


	19. Chapter 19

If Only

 **by Castlefan6**

Authors Note **:** Thisis my **AU version** of an alternate ending to Love and Die in LA. Some Angst, some canon but mostly AU. All things are the same till the Gantz ending, Previously notes courtesy of Dust Jackets dot com.

I don't own Castle, I use the characters for amusement purposes only

 **A/N WARNING CHARACTER DEATH, SKIP THIS CHAPTER IF THAT UPSETS YOU**

 **Chapter 19**

 **Previously**

" _Thanks Kate, I know he loves you, probably always will, and I won't ever try to take that part of his heart, it's yours and will be forever. I just wanted to tell you, I do love him, more than anyone I've ever known, and I'll do all I can to make him happy and keep him safe._

 _Part of that is I want you both to feel comfortable if you see each other, there's no reason we can't all be in the same room if the occasion arises, I mean you've been part of his family and_ _ **I**_ _don't want to be the reason that ends."_

 _Kate is shocked, at the compassion and empathy of this woman, "Darlene that is very kind of you but I'm not sure Rick feels the same way, I mean I hurt him so badly, how could he ever forgive me for that?"_

*************************************************************************/

 **JFK AirPort**

 **6:10 AM Next Day**

Kate's plane touched down a few minutes early and at the gate to greet her were her boys, Captain Montgomery and Lanie as promised. She had managed to grab a few hours of relatively peaceful sleep on the flight back. The talk with Darlene had really eased her mind, a great deal, if she had to lose him at least it was to a beautiful sensitive lady who seemed to worship him.

As she stepped off the plane and up the entrance, she could hear Lanie scream her name as soon as she got to the gate door. Soon she was embraced by the ME, then hugs from Ryan, Espo and even the Captain.

"It's good to have you home Beckett, how are you doing?" Captain Montgomery asked,

"Not as good as I want, but better than yesterday Sir, each day gets a little better, Thanks for asking Sir."

Roy was surprised with the open and honest answer and her assessment of her condition.

"I mean it was a bit of a shock and an eye opener, but once we talked, I could see as clear as day how Rick felt, and how we all failed him, no one more than me. Talking to him helped, don't get me wrong it hurt like hell, but he was polite, honest and very forgiving, This could have been a blood bath had he chose to go that route."

"It's good to have you back Kate, we're all sorry things didn't go as we had hoped, but we're proud of your attitude coming back home. You ready for some breakfast?" Leave it to Javi to temper a tender moment with food.

Kevin embraced her in a hug, "We're sorry for the tough love before you left, just wish he had worked out better for you"

"Hey guys stop, if you hadn't come to the apartment I would have sat home, and came up with all kinds of reasons to hate Rick and Darlene, come to work and spout off and lose my job so Thanks for caring enough to do this, I do appreciate you."

 **Rick and Darlene's House**

 **Henderson NV**

 **5 Months Later**

Rick and Darlene had decided to move in together once they had returned from a family visit to New York two weeks after Kate left Vegas. Alexis loved Darlene, and Martha was impressed that the young lady was so open and honest. What ever she was doing Rick looked better than he had in years.

Rick had completed the last Heat Book in record time, and agreed to a modified ending, Gina didn't want to end the series completely so he ended it as Rook as MIA and Heat had called off her wedding, blaming herself for him joining and now maybe gone forever. It was an ending that could easily be resurrected should Rick choose.

It was a bittersweet moment for Kate Beckett, who followed Rick and Darlene from afar when she received the pre-production copies from Black Pawn publishing. At least he didn't kill us was her thought, although she hadn't had any contact with him since she left.

Alexis had decided to attend Oxford, she was graduating in just two weeks, her present would be a family tour of Europe with, Rick, Darlene, Martha and Alexis. They would make a series of stops with the last leaving Alexis for school as the other three returned home. Martha had taken over the loft, free to redecorate everything but Rick's office and bedroom, which was to stay the same.

The project for both Darlene and Rick had taken off, Wayne had agreed to build units that Rick and Darlene designed for 100 homeless Veterans. Simple floor plan but a dent in the homeless as the larger problem of treating and avoiding the Veterans from hitting that bottom that so many had already done, most not surviving.

Wayne donated the land, and buildings as a dedication to his late brother, and in thanks for Darlene keeping his secret. The first units would be ready shortly after they returned from Europe. Rick had made great headway working with LVPD to identify the real names of some of the Street People, and the social services department working with a private clinic, funded by Rick to perform evaluations and arrive at treatment plans.

Wayne had actually appeared before the State Senate and got additional funding for the Veterans program, as well as additional funding to prevent the runaways taking up in Vegas. There was an immediate decline in the number of pimps who left for less regulated areas, reducing street crimes by over 15% in the first quarter.

Darlene and Rick had both been busy and were looking forward to a month of just relaxing with the family. They had grown closer, but still nothing more than coupling was announced.

"Hey Rick, I packed you up for the three weeks except for any formal clothes you want to take,"

"Thanks Sweetie, you know if we need it, we'll buy it, no sense in taking a bunch of clothes we never use,"

"You don't have to twist my arm to buy clothes Mr., I'm right there with you.

Well let's get going, I don't want to miss our flight to New York, and our promise to Alexis, it's been over a month since we've seen her,"

"You actually miss her don't you Dar, I mean for real"

"Of course Rick, I love her, she's been here for me since day one, and she's going to be lonely no matter what she thinks, I want her to be able to call me if you're not around, she needs someone to love her when she's that far from home. I'm glad she felt comfortable enough to call me about your Mother's doctor visit."

Rick looks at Darlene with a tear in his eye, "You're the ONLY one that has ever loved my kid as much as I do, Thank You, that makes me love you even more."

 **New York City**

 **Castle Loft 7 hours later**

Everything looked different, and Rick didn't remember it being this cold in May, as they made their way to the loft, and up the elevator. Darlene rang the bell as Rick stooped down behind her, and Alexis opened the door and started jumping up and down crying and hugging Darlene, then she noticed her Dad, and it was all over, tears and hugs, till she finally got out, "I didn't think you were coming till next week."

"We wanted to surprise you Alexis hope you don't mind. I need someone to go shopping with me for our trip in two weeks,"

"Alexis hugged her tighter, I missed you too Dar and you know we could shop everyday now that you are here"

Soon Martha comes down the stairs, "Oh my word, Richard what's wrong?"

Alexis and Darlene are laughing as Rick looks perplexed, "What do you mean Mother, can't I come back to see my daughter and Mother"

Then he sees what Martha is trying to hide, she has plans out for remodeling his office, the architect comes out of the library face to face with a very pissed off Rick Castle.

"You're fired, and put a note on the files, no building permits are to be issued to this address, or I'll have everyone of your jobs stopped," he then hands the phone to the Architect,

"Mr. Mayor, no sir, we weren't aware of that, yes sir, right away sir." He hangs up and returns the phone to Rick who is glaring at a subdued Martha and makes a hasty exit out of the loft.

"Richard, I was just getting some ideas" but stops midsentence as she see's Rick hold up one hand to signify Stop Talking.

He walks over to Darlene, whispers something to her, kisses her quickly, then leaves the loft"

"Oh boy I did it now didn't I."

"I told you Grams you had two rooms on your do not touch list, was that so hard, but NO you had to start with the one room that means something to Dad. I'm surprised he didn't scream at you."

"Darlene Darling, do you know where my Son went,"

"I'm not sure you want to hear it from me Martha, he was pretty pissed"

"Please if you know, please tell me"

"Martha, he'll be home and he'll tell you in his own time but if I were you, I would start packing"

Martha's face turns a shade of Ash, scared now for one of the few times since she had moved back into her Son's life.

Three hours later, Rick returned, and called out "Mother, I need to talk to you, now."

Martha came from the stairs very meekly, "what is it Richard?

"Down here Mother"

As she came to the table, she saw two pamphlets for Retirement Centers, and Rick said "Pick One, if you don't then I will. Also, your charge cards are reduced limits so start watching what you're spending, everything is included in both of these so you really shouldn't need that much anyway.

"I'm **not** going to one of those places Richard, I mean **My Word"**

Yes, you are, the locks to the loft have been changed and only Darlene, Alexis and I have the new Fobs, so don't leave or you won't be able to get back in. I can't be two thousand miles away worried every day about what you're doing to the loft, those days are over so pick your new home the moving trucks are coming tomorrow."

" **WHAT**? You're throwing me out?"

"No I'm doing what I should have done years ago, putting my foot down, this is my home, my rules you always think you can do as you please so now you will do so somewhere else."

Martha turns and returns to her room,

"Dad, I know that was tough, but the doctor says she shouldn't live alone, she's forgetting everything and almost started a fire when she forgot she turned the oven on"

"Thanks pumpkin she'll go a lot easier if she is pissed at me, I can take that rather than seeing her hurt herself or someone in the building"

"Great Acting job Alexis, I'm sure she didn't know you called us, Honey you did the right thing" Darlene hugs the young lady

 **Castle Loft**

 **7:00 AM Next Morning**

As Rick promised the moving trucks were at his loft, packing and moving Martha's household to move to Pinehill Retirement Center, located about 30 minutes from the Loft. It was the one that Rick had preferred since it had a complete hospital with a Trauma Unit within 5 miles of the facility. The early diagnosis for Martha had been Alzheimer early stage one but would get progressively worse at a rapid pace.

Martha had gone from I'm not moving to get me the hell out of here within 2 hours and was giving Rick the silent treatment.

"Mother, do you need for us to pick you up anything for our trip to Europe?" Rick asked,

Silence, till finally Martha replied "Alexis can you tell your Father that I changed my mind, I won't be going with you, I'm sorry Dear"

Rick looks sadly at Darlene who comes over puts her arm around him, "You had to do it this way Sweetie, she needs the care, and please don't beat yourself up, please, I love you" as she kisses him.

Rick steps into his office out of sight, and lets his tears flow, all his life it had been just him and his Mother, but they all knew they had to be as dramatic as Martha was to get her to go, she would never have accepted the doctor's diagnosis. He's sitting at his desk with the lights off, when Alexis sneaks in, sits in her Dad's lap, and hugs his neck.

"The doctor said she has about 3 months before she won't remember anything Daddy, we had to get her into that facility, and this is the only way she would go. I'm so sorry she's mad at you, she knows you love her,"

Darlene pokes her head in, "Rick, they're ready to pull out, if you want to try to talk to your Mother again."

Rick wipes his eyes, and walks out, kissing Darlene briefly and over to where Martha's room was, now all empty, and bare.

"Mother, where are you? I'm sorry I had to do this, but*"

"Oh, save it Richard, let me get on my way to MY house, and you won't be getting a key, two can play your game, Mr. Bigshot.

"As you say Mother, We'll be over to visit once you are setup"

"Please call first, I may be busy,"

"Grams can Darlene and I come visit, Dad may have a meeting,"

"That would be fine Alexis, let him run off to his precious precinct to play cops, I'll see you and Gina in a few hours"

When the ambulance transporting Martha was out of sight, Rick let his tears flow, "she's going fast Alexis, she thinks I'm going to the 12th and I'm so sorry Darlene she called you my ex-wife's name."

"Rick, I know that wasn't meant to hurt me, are **YOU OK** , that had to be tough, but you know she is in a facility now that we can fly up or even have a health check done by the authorities to ease yours and Alexis minds."

"The timing sucks, but I guess it's better that we get her into treatment here, rather than risk something happening on the trip."

The three of them stand in a group hug, tears flowing but each getting comfort from the other, the light that burned so bright in Martha Rogers Career was beginning to dim, Rick was conflicted on one hand never wanting to lose his mother, and the other hoped that she could pass before she forgot everyone, and everything, that's what she would want.

 **Castle's Loft**

 **11:30 PM Three Days Later**

They were sitting on the couch after getting home from seeing Martha, who finally spoke to Rick, and told him she forgave him. She had become fond of he new surroundings, they had more men than women she smiled, when the call came in. Martha had been transferred to Pinehill Trauma Center, and by the time Rick, Alexis and Darlene reached the hospital she had taken her final bow. A legend had reached the end of the road.

Rick was trying to stay strong, for his two ladies when Alexis reached up kissed him, and said,

"Daddy go ahead and cry, Darlene and I have got you, and we're right here."

That was all he needed to finally let it all out, and let her go, she's free now and she escaped the months of in and out that this cruel disease does to so many, She went out as she lived, on her terms.

TBC

A few more tough chapters then we should be seeing some light, Again thanks for those who are sticking with this, there has been plenty of hate come this way


	20. Chapter 20

If Only

 **by Castlefan6**

Authors Note **:** Thisis my **AU version** of an alternate ending to Love and Die in LA. Some Angst, some canon but mostly AU. All things are the same till the Gantz ending, Previously notes courtesy of Dust Jackets dot com.

I don't own Castle, I use the characters for amusement purposes only

 **A/N WARNING CHARACTER DEATH, SKIP THIS CHAPTER IF THAT UPSETS YOU**

 **Chapter 20**

 **Previously**

 _They were sitting on the couch after getting home from seeing Martha, who finally spoke to Rick, and told him she forgave him. She had become fond of her new surroundings, they had more men than women she smiled, when the call came in. Martha had been transferred to Pinehill Trauma Center, and by the time Rick, Alexis and Darlene reached the hospital she had taken her final bow. A legend had reached the end of the road._

***********************************************************************************/

 **Castle's Loft**

 **1:30 AM Next Morning**

Three very tired and emotional people sat around the dining room table, changing plans from a month-long tour of Europe, to making final arrangements for the Grand Dame of the family. Darlene was taking charge, asking about who to call, contact numbers, contacting Paula Haas, letting her handle the publicity and notification to the Broadway Executives Martha had worked with over these years.

"Rick, you need to call Kate, she can't hear about this on the news or read it in the paper. She's family and Martha loved her, so when you're ready Sweetie, steal away and please let her know."

Rick and Alexis both looked up at her though bloodshot eyes, and for a moment, she thought she had really stepped on it, till Alexis just pulled her into a hug, crying gently,

"You're right Dar, Grams would have wanted that."

Rick smiled at her sadly, "I'll text her to call me when she gets the message, I have no idea of the hours she has worked, but you're right.

We'll hold off with the public notification until we're sure all the close friends have been notified. As for family, this is it, I have no way of knowing who my father is, if he's alive, or even if he would care so this is all the family we have."

" _Kate, sorry to reconnect under these conditions, please call me or Darlene when you get this, Mother passed away last evening and we didn't want you to hear it on the news first,_

 _Always,_

 _Rick"_

"Dad, I'm not sure this is the time, but I wanted to let you know, I've changed my mind, I can't go to Oxford. I'm going to Columbia, and if it's OK with you I'd like to keep the Loft, that way I'm near to you all if I need you."

Darlene looks at Rick, who had privately been going through a meltdown leaving his little girl that far from home, and smiles.

"Are you sure Pumpkin, I mean nothing pleases me more to be only a few hours away from you, but is it what **You** want? I know Oxford is a long distance away, but only a few are accepted each year. I want you to do what you are happy with."

"Thanks Dad, I did think about it and really I want to stay home, my home New York, more now than ever. I can visit Grams whenever I want, and make sure flowers are there for her on those special days, the way you would do if you were here. You and Darlene are living your life in Nevada, and you need to continue the work you started."

Just as she finished Rick's cell phone rang,

"Oh, Rick I'm so sorry, I just got your text, we were on a case late and I fell asleep for a few hours. How are you, Alexis and Darlene holding up?"

"I'll put you on speaker they can tell you, OK?"

"Sure, Darlene, Lexi how are you doing, Can I do anything now, or just let me know what you need"

"Thanks Kate, Darlene and I will probably have to shop for a black dress, so other than that the arrangements have all been pre-planned Grams was picky about that so we made her do it before Dad mo" as she stumbled on the word moved, she recovered and continued "left for his new project."

"If you want, I can come over and pick you up tomorrow, I know your cars aren't here and I really don't want you two at the mercy of Cabs"

Darlene looked at Rick, who sat with tears in his eyes staring at the stairs he had seen Martha make her grand appearance from so often, "Kate why don't you come over and we can use the Car service, that way you won't have to use your police credentials to park and get into trouble"

Kate seemed a little surprised, "Sure Darlene, what time would be good for you, would 10:00 AM Work?"

Alexis nods and Darlene responded, "That works, and Kate, Thank You, you know Martha always loved you and wanted you to be her daughter she never had. You're designated for the family car for the proceedings, if you don't mind"

Kate fought back the tears, and answered "It would be an honor, I loved her as well, she was as close to my Mom on this earth that I had. I'll see you in a few hours, and I'm truly so sorry, she'll be missed by many," as the line disconnects.

Rick waited till 5:00 AM then called Paula to give her the details, and ask her to release a press statement, and contact the appropriate people on Broadway. Martha had been using Paula as her publicist for the last few years since she worked less and less.

Darlene and Alexis had lied down, Rick just sat in his office chair, and turned on the TV for noise, he must have dozed off, and woke up to the morning news just coming on air at 6:00 AM.

" _ **Sad news for our Theater Fans this morning, Paula Haas, Agent and Publicist for Rick Castle as well as his Mother Martha Rogers has released the following,**_

" _ **It is with heavy hearts we announce the passing of our beloved Mother, Grams, Friend, and Actress, Ms. Martha Rogers last night at Pinehill Trauma Center. Ms. Rogers had spent the entire day earlier with her Son, Granddaughter and personal family friend and was in good spirts. She became ill late last evening and was rushed to Pinehill Trauma where she passed peacefully at 11:07 PM. Services are private and pending, Donations to the Academy of Performing Arts is suggested in lieu of flowers. The family requests your understanding and privacy during this time. Thank You"**_

 _ **Well there you have it, one of Broadway's greats, and one of the sweetest people you would want to meet, is gone. Our thoughts and prayers are with her son Richard Castle and Granddaughter Alexis Castle this morning. She will be missed.**_

 _ **One further note, Oscar Spertures, Managing director of the Association of Broadway Playwrights announced that all lights on Broadway will dim for three minutes at 9:00 PM, each night for the next three nights, signifying her last curtain call.**_

Rick looked up to find Darlene with a cup of coffee and two aspirins, as she made her way to him.

"Hey there, you get any sleep at all" she asked as she slipped into his lap.

"I fell asleep for about an hour how about you and Alexis, sleep any at all."

"Not much, I listened to Alexis cry for about 25 minutes then I went in to comfort her, she pulled me into bed and finally fell asleep about 30 minutes later."

"I don't know what this family would have done without you, Thank You"

"Rick, I did it because I love you, and that made loving your family easy. Martha was a hoot, she once told me to take care of your heart, the original owner had voided her warranty and then walked away. I asked her what she had meant by that later, and got her typical response, "Now you're a bright young lady, you'll figure it out, just take care of my son"

"Now I know, she always wanted you to get together with Kate, and when I showed up she responded as lovingly as she could, her heart belonged to Kate as well, but to her credit, she made me feel welcomed and loved. I wanted you to know I did care about her, even in the short time I was with her."

"Darlene, I mean yes she loved Kate, but she was also furious with her multiple times, but she always told me to follow my heart, to follow my heart and I couldn't go wrong, even if it might be hard at first, it would be worth it."

"So, is that what happened to us, you followed your heart, and it led you to me, the mess I was in, and all the trouble I caused you at first?" she smiled as she recalled at how loving and patient Rick had been with her through it all. First the divorce, then the financial planning, the protection of her privacy, and even when they had bought their house.

He insisted they establish an escrow account that would buy the other's half of the house out in the unlikely event of something happening to their relationship. If one wanted to end it all they had to do was sign the account and quick claim deed over to the other and go on with their individual lives.

"Yeah, I followed my heart, and I made out pretty darn good."

"Rick, Kate will be here in about an hour, I really want you to talk to her now that you've had some time and distance between you. I know you still love her, and That's OK, I knew it going in. Just like you told Alexis, you have to do what's right for you, and if the spark is still there, well just be careful and please let's talk before anything happens, that's all I ask."

Rick looks shocked, but relieved at the same time,

"Dar is there someone lurking in your past that I should know about, I know you love me, but also neither of us have ever said we're In Love"

"Remember when we went to that little club about a month ago, out in the valley, and I told you the band sounded familiar, but I had never seen them before? Well the last song they did that night, was the song that Tom wrote, there was no way they would be able to do that song unless someone knew Tom and was very close."

"Was that the night you cried all the way home and I thought I had done something, and you kept telling me it was just memories catching up with you."

"Yes, Rick that was the night, I didn't do anything, but I did research the band, I didn't tell you, but Tom's brother Jimmy Barnes was also in the band. The research showed it was active during the time I knew him, then they disbanded and last year Jimmy reformed the band with two more original members.

That was the band we heard that night, and Jimmy was the lead singer, he sounded so much like Tommy that I wanted to run away. I'm sorry, this is a hell of a time to tell you this, but we've always been truthful with each other, and I can't hide this from you."

Rick looked very calm and collected as he asked, "Darlene, do you have feelings for this man, Jimmy Barnes? Like you said I knew going in you had someone in your past that, like Kate would forever be a part of my life, so would this person?"

Darlene begins to cry, which gave Rick the answer he needed.

"Hey, it's all right, remember Best Friends Forever first, then we became lovers, I don't ever want to lose that friendship."

"I dated Jimmy first, and then we broke up, so I went with Tommy and he loved me, truly loved me but I really never got over Jimmy, and I guess he knew it.

The last song he wrote, Hurt's my only Memory of You was after we broke up, I guess he thought that I had gotten back with his brother, when I hadn't.

After Tommy died, we all lost contact, but I never forgot either of them, so if you ask, I guess my first true love was and is Jimmy Barnes."

"Do you know how to get in touch with him? If you do, Go, chase your heart and remember that the heart wants what the heart wants and if you follow it you won't go wrong. Truth is, I miss New York, and my part of the project can be run remotely, with occasional visits, so I was searching for a way to tell you, What a hell of a time huh?"

"Well you always said Martha had impeccable timing, even now."

Rick, after the services I think it's best if you stay here in New York, I'll take care of the buyout and all of the arrangements, I know you'll be happier here, and for all that it's worth, I do Love You, it's jus*"

"I know, I'm not in love with you either, no matter how much I tried, I'm sorry"

 **Castle's Loft**

 **9:55 AM Same Day**

Kate arrived a few minutes early, with eyes that apparently had been crying, and greeted each one beginning with Alexis,

"Oh Baby, I'm so sorry, I know how much you loved your Grams, I'm here if you need anything"

"Thanks Kate, I do appreciate that and for all the times I was a brat, and treated you badly I'm truly sorry, I should have kept my mouth shut and let you and my Dad work things out, I never meant to hurt you, but I'm sure I did."

Kate pulls back from her ever so slightly, "Alexis I forgave you a long time ago, you were just protecting the man we both loved, just in different ways"

"Darlene, thank you for including me, it was very sweet of you to do so, I hope I'm not stepping on any toes by being here."

"No way Kate, you're very welcome and I need to talk to you one on one when you and Rick have a few minutes alone, it's not bad so no worries" she whispered in her ear.

Kate looked shocked but just nodded as she moved to Rick, as she embraced him, he began to sob, she knew he never wanted Alexis to see him like that so she led him to his office, Darlene nodding in approval and closed the door.

She held him as he cried, stroking his back and whispering, Oh Babe it's all right, I'm right here, I'm here for you, over and over. Almost twenty minutes later she felt him pull back from her embrace slightly,

"Kate, I'm sorry to go to pieces on you, I know you have other things to do, but thank you for coming, Mother would have loved to have seen you walk through the door."

Kate smiled a sad smile, "Yeah, I never knew what a cheer leader I had till after you moved, Martha and I had lunch every Wednesday, she wanted to know I was OK."

"You and Mother had lunch every week? Did Alexis know?"

"Yes, some weeks she would join us, she only mentioned the work you were doing and the great results you were getting there. Why didn't you tell anyone that your group was nominated for the city's Humanitarian of the Year award? She was so very proud of that Rick."

"Well it wasn't me, I mean only me it's a whole team, so the credit goes to the team Mother keeping a secret like that from us, somethings still amaze me"

"She didn't keep it a secret from everyone Rick, she told Darlene when she talked some weeks, we all talked to each other on skype or speaker phones"

"Wait, Mother talked to all of you every week, you and Darlene and Alexis talked, and I never knew about it?"

"Hey, I thought Darlene would tell you Rick, I mean I didn't think it was my place, I didn't want to upset your relationship"

"We don't have a relationship Kate, we are two people who care about each other greatly, but are still in love with others, I know that's screwed up and could be on a TV Talk show, but it's the truth. In fact, I'm moving back to New York in a few weeks, and she's staying in Nevada,"

"You're splitting up Rick? Why, she loves you and you love her"

"Yes, she does, and yes I do but Kate, neither of us are In Love with the other, I'm still in love with the only woman who truly stole my heart, and she just reconnected to her first love."

Kate looked timidly at Rick with a question on her face,

"Yes Kate, I never got over you and I'm still in love with you. I have no right to say that, I don't even know if you have someone you love"

"You're right Rick, I'm sorry but there is someone I love," Rick looks like the world has fell on him, then Kate pulls him in and kisses him deeply, "It's you Jackass, it's always been you and always will be,"

"What? Kate are you sure, I mean, I have to talk to Darlene, but I "

"It's OK Rick, Darlene wanted to talk to me I guess I know why now, and also why she put me in the family unit for the services"

They open the office door, and Darlene pulls them both into an embrace,

"Do me one favor, DON'T mess this up, you're getting another chance, so don't blow it. "

"Darlene, we need to tell Alexis,"

"Tell me what, that you and Kate are madly in love and finally got your head out of where the sun doesn't shine? I know Dad, I've known since I was 14 you loved her more than life and if Kate will admit it, she loved you too,"

"Guilty as charged, I have loved you since the second case we worked together" Kate timidly replied, if only I had shown you

"Darlene and I are cool, in fact she invited me out to spend some time when it get's really cold here and I'm on break from Columbia"

Darlene and Kate take a stroll into Rick's office and 35 minutes they both come out smiling,

"Everything OK?"

"Everything's more than OK Rick, I just wish Martha could be here to see this" just as Kate finished speaking the lights went out in Martha's room, the fuse had blown or had it.

All they could do was laugh, Martha truly was a force to be reckoned with, but her love and devotion for the family was always first and foremost.

TBC

Perhaps one or two more chapters should finish this off. Death either bring out the best or the worst in families, I chose the best and moments of truth.


	21. Chapter 21

If Only

 **by Castlefan6**

Authors Note **:** Thisis my **AU version** of an alternate ending to Love and Die in LA. Some Angst, some canon but mostly AU. All things are the same till the Gantz ending, Previously notes courtesy of Dust Jackets dot com.

I don't own Castle, I use the characters for amusement purposes only

 **A/N WARNING CHARACTER DEATH, SKIP THIS CHAPTER IF THAT UPSETS YOU**

 **Chapter 20**

 **Previously**

Darlene and Kate take a stroll into Rick's office and 35 minutes they both come out smiling,

"Everything OK?"

"Everything's more than OK Rick, I just wish Martha could be here to see this" just as Kate finished speaking the lights went out in Martha's room, the fuse had blown or had it.

All they could do was laugh, Martha truly was a fore to be reckoned with, but her love and devotion for the family was always first and foremost.

 **Castle's Loft**

 **Two Days Later 11:00 AM**

Rick, Kate, Darlene and Alexis are sitting at the dining room table, waiting to leave for the funeral. The previous 48 hours had brought about some physical changes, but they were inconspicuous to the observer. The first big change was that Darlene had moved to one Guest Room, and Kate the other, flanking Alexis room. The three ladies had shopped, talked, cried, and tried to support Rick as much as they could.

Rick had been busy following up on the details, all carefully planned by Martha. Her wake read like a Broadway play manuscript with notes like Catering Staff enters now, keep liquor away from Chet, he is a fool when he get's high, Richard pay attention no more than 15 minutes for your beautiful words Son, I love them but others are still alive and have a life to get to.

Rick smiled as he read his mother's details, which was the one memory he would always keep in his heart, she owned any stage she played, regardless of what the playbill or call sheet order said. When hurricane Martha was there, she owned that stage.

Finally, the car arrived, and as they began to take their seats Kate sat apart from Rick, allowing space for Darlene, but was quickly reminded by a whisper in her ear when Darlene waited then took the seat Kate had been in and Kate moved next to Rick. Kate held Rick's hand, in support as they proceeded to Saint Michael Orthodox Church to say their final goodbye and allow her fans one last glimpse of the lady who was so colorful in life and work.

The service started with Father Francis, asking for a moment of silence rather than a prayer per Martha's wishes,

He then spoke for a brief time about the qualities of life, and how we all should seize the opportunity for happiness, and never settle. Kate held Ricks hand discreetly, and gave it a slight squeeze,

"According to Martha's wishes we will now hear a few words, and I'm sorry Rick she wanted me to repeat Few words from her son Rick Castle" smiles and gentle laughter filled the sanctuary, of people who were fans of Martha to a complete section from the 12th precinct honor guard and many officers and detectives Rick recognized, including Captain Montgomery, the boys, and Lanie.

Rick reached inside his jacket pocket for his notes and received a kiss on the cheek from Alexis, as Kate squeezed his hand one more time and Darlene smiled.

He reached the podium in a few strides and took a moment to collect himself as he saw the flowers adorning the casket below, it hit him, Mother is gone.

"Friends, Fans, Patrons of the arts, We the family of Martha Rogers wish to thank you for your support during this time of grief, it means more than you know.

A reading from the book of _Ecclesiastes_

 _To everything there is a season, a time for every  
matter under heaven; a time to be born,  
and a time to die; a time to plant,  
_ _and a time to pluck up what is planted;_ _  
_ _a time to weep, and a time to laugh,_ _  
_ _a time to mourn, and a time to dance;_ _  
a time to keep, and a time to cast away._

 _-Ecclesiastes_

We are gathered here today in the memory of my mother, Martha Rogers, to acknowledge and share both our joy in the gift that her life was to us, and the pain that her passing brings. In sharing the joy Mother would have wanted you to focus on that, and in her words would say, "I've had a hell of a ride, so no tears for me".

Martha was 76 years young and would cringe if she knew I gave her true age, Sorry Mom, when she died on Monday, May 6th. It's always hard to say goodbye. We wish that we had more time, even though for the last 6 years she lived with my daughter Alexis and I and on some days well (he pauses and a slight chuckle goes through the church) even so perhaps during the time we had we could had spent more of it together. We are thankful that that so much of her life was not lost to her illness, and that she had the stamina of a woman half her age. We take great comfort in knowing she is at peace and that her struggles are at an end, and if she were here, she would add I did it my way Kid, as smiles come over the faces of the audience. But even though she is gone, she has left the legacy of her love and perseverance. The ways she touched our lives will remain, and I ask you to keep those memories alive by sharing them with me and with one another.

One of the most important things in Mother's life was family. She was a single Mother at a time when it wasn't socially acceptable, and she paid the price both personally and professionally. Many times, her roles would be cut, once her personal situation was discovered, and as a youngster, I will admit I added several layers of pain to her life. Her response was to love me even more and set out with new resolve for a better role, that's the drive that defined her and the confidence she passed on to my daughter and me.

She acted in hundreds of roles, and it wasn't until I was an adult I understood why she was so passionate about each part she was portraying, be it the lead, or the crazy granny who was killed offstage, somewhat autobiographical was the joke in our house, (as chuckles spread again) It was because these roles were her escape from the ugliness of life, the slams, the shameful words, the worries about finances, and later worries if I would do something stupid, well stupid enough to hurt me. For about 120 minutes when she was on stage, she was away from all of those things, and she transformed before your eyes into the character on the paper she was acting from. She was free, and she let her talents soar.

She was a perfectionist when it came to the theater, you can ask my poor daughter Alexis how many times she ran lines with her as I found any excuse to leave, sorry Mom, sorry Alexis, but the truth of the matter it was during these times she instilled her value system for hard work into my daughter. As I became a published writer, I could always count on one critic to keep me level headed, Mother would not stand for any Ego, her words, "God loaned you that talent, and he can give it to someone else in a heartbeat if you get too pompous and arrogant." I even have the Director's Cut sheet she prepared for this, her wake, and one passage reads, "Keep it short Richard, you're important to me, to others, not so much" (as the congregation broke out in laughter)

We were not members of any specific church, yet Mother found time to take me to Sunday Schools, Mass, and even some Middle Eastern Religious festivals, instilling in me that God is within us all, just in different forms. Of all the great works that she has performed she asked this passage be read,

"Don't cry because it's over, Smile because it happened", - Dr. Seuss

This is a wonderful legacy. This is a wonderful example to follow. Keep focused on what is truly important, not only when your life is easy, but when it is difficult too.

And in closing, I am honoring Mother's wish to keep this timely, we want to thank each of you for attending. A reception will be held in the social hall across the street, immediately after Reverend has concluded the service'

Thank You All," then looking toward heaven, Rick smiles kisses his fingers points to the ceiling and mouths, Thank You Mother and steps down from the stage.

He was greeted by Kate who held him as he gently wept, then composed himself and sat down. Alexis wiped her eyes and mouthed "I love you Daddy" and Darlene smiled and blew him a kiss from her fingers,

"What a moving and wonderful tribute from a son to his Mother, I'm sure she would be proud of you Rick, and as we close our service today, let us remember that life is never a straight paved freeway for any of us, when you're trying to get up that mountain, remember Martha and all the obstacles she overcame, that would be the greatest way to honor her and her memory. May we have a moment of silence please,"

After about two minutes of silence, "This concludes the service for Martha Rogers as Rick has mentioned the family is hosting a reception across the street, Thank you All and Go in Peace"

The family filed by the casket on the way out and Rick lingered a moment, Kate on his arm as they filed past, he could almost hear Martha saying, "Well it took you long enough Richard, I told you to kiss that girl when you were both young, not when I was dead" and he gently smiled as he escorted Kate out of the church followed by the remainder of the mourners. Rick hadn't realized but the cathedral was packed to the limit and they had set up speakers for those gathered outside the church who could not get seats.

As soon as they were outside the church, Alexis brought them all into a group hug,

"Great Job Dad, Grams would have been proud of you"

"Thanks Pumpkin, that was the hardest speech I have ever had to write or deliver"

"I'm proud of you too Rick, I know that was so hard for you, as she hung on to his hand," Kate whispered

"Kate can you do me a favor", Darlene asked,

"Sure, if I'm able Darlene, what is it"

"Let go of yourself and just love Rick, don't worry about me, I love him, You are **IN LOVE** with him, so your time starts now, OK?"

Kate takes two steps and hugs Darlene and whispers something to her,

"I know you will, like someone told me, if we weren't meant to be, at least I'm glad someone who is loves him as much or more than me is going to be with him"

"Rick, this is your time to reconnect, I'm going back to the loft and start making arrangements for the changes, call me if you, any of you need anything, I love you all"

He holds her for a moment, "Best Friends Forever, Right?"

"Right" she says and gently kisses him good bye

TBC


	22. Chapter 22

If Only

 **by Castlefan6**

Authors Note **:** Thisis my **AU version** of an alternate ending to Love and Die in LA. Some Angst, some canon but mostly AU. All things are the same till the Gantz ending, Previously notes courtesy of Dust Jackets dot com.

I don't own Castle, I use the characters for amusement purposes only

 **Chapter 22**

 **Previously**

 _Kate takes two steps and hugs Darlene and whispers something to her,_

" _I know you will, like someone told me, if we weren't meant to be, at least I'm glad someone who loves him as much or more than me is going to be with him"_

" _Rick, this is your time to reconnect, I'm going back to the loft and start making arrangements for the changes, call me if you, any of you need anything, I love you all"_

 _He holds her for a moment, "Best Friends Forever, Right?"_

" _Right" she says and gently kisses him good bye_

********************************************************************************/

 **Outside Saint Michaels**

 **25 Minutes Later**

Rick, Kate, and Alexis were asked to step into a private room as the Honor Guard from the NYPD prepared to salute Martha on her final trek to the Hearse waiting in front of the church. Police lines had been formed to keep the crowd back and allow the procession to proceed.

There would be no gravesite services, in order to keep the privacy of the family's final resting place, so this would be the only opportunity for NYPD to honor Martha Rogers and in some manner thank her son, Rick Castle for all he had done for them.

The Pall Bearers accompanied the casket, followed by Father Francis, and Rick walking with one arm wrapped around Alexis, on the other side his arm wrapped around Kate holding her close.

As they proceeded to the open doors of the church, the Honor Guard came to attention, and proceeded to honor Martha with 21 gun salute, the guards all snapped to attention as the procession passed through their raised swords, a crisp salute offered to honor all this wonderful woman had given, It was a very touching moment for Rick, as he looked up to see LT, a huge patrolman standing so tall, erect with tears running down his cheeks. Rick gave him a sad smile as they passed.

The arrangements would be for Kate, Rick, Alexis and Darlene to attend a private ceremony as Martha was placed in the family Mausoleum, later that afternoon. Martha was insistent that the party come first, then hours later conclude the service. Her note to Rick, "I'm dead Richard, but there's always time for a good party, enjoy it, and know that I'd be there if I could."

Once the Hearse was on it's way, the family stood in a line to thank all those who attended and invite them once again to the reception across the street. It seemed almost natural and like they had done it a thousand times before, Kate standing by his side, her arm never leaving his back, or holding his hand. It seemed she needed the physical contact as much as he did.

After what seemed forever, they had finally thanked the last of the attendee's and proceeded across the street to the hall and reception. It was truly a celebration, not a sob fest, for a life well lived, one who taught her family that age was merely a number, and for her granddaughter, seize the moment, life owes you nothing, you make your breaks.

Rick had broken away from all of the guests, after whispering in Kate's ear and getting a nod, smile and quick kiss on his cheek. As he slipped out to a private space, he pressed the familiar number on speed dial,

"Hey, it's me, I just wanted to check to see if you made it back to the loft, well more than that I need to know if you're OK. I mean this all happened so fast, we really didn't get a chance to talk about it."

"Rick, you're the sweetest man I have ever met, thanks for checking and yes, I'm safe. I talked to the bank and the attorney so the paperwork will be ready to sign when ever you're ready. I took your advice, I called Jimmy and it seems he knew it was me that night as well, but he wasn't going to say anything to break up a happy couple as he put it."

"Darlene, I wish th*"

"Stop Rick, we're best friends first, last, and always and that's enough. Without you coming into my life I have no idea where I would be. I knew you loved Kate, I just didn't know how deeply. I'm glad actually, the way I see this, I got to spend 6 months of my life, and don't repeat this, with some of the best sex I ever had, with my best friend. That led us both to the person we were supposed to be with all along, but let human emotions almost spoil it"

"Yeah, you're right, I'm just so happy that we can still be Best Friends, oh by the way, Why didn't you ever tell me you talked to Mother, Kate, and Alexis every week?"

She laughed, "And feed the enemy, only kidding, Rick, I didn't want to bring up old wounds, when we got together you would hurt as you relived the whole experience all over again, I didn't want to do that to you. I did drop hints that Kate was doing fine, even had Alexis do some of the work, we just didn't want you to hurt again."

"You're something else you know that, Thank You for the compassion, Love and all you have done for me, Kate and my family, I can never repay you."

"Sure, you can, but it's going to be tough, I hope you can do it, I mean nothing in the works but IF the time comes, "

"What are you asking Dar,"

"Rick, Jimmy and I are going to start seeing each other again, and unless he's changed or grown an extra limb, I'm not waiting years. If he doesn't ask, I am going to so when and if we get married, I want you to walk me down the aisle if it's OK with Kate. Rick don't you and Kate wait too long either, I know let the dust settle, then make up for lost time, she truly loves you, more than anything."

"You're right, and when or if that day comes, I'm sure Kate will not only be there but support you as well, we want you to be happy, all of us. You're stuck with us now, part of this family. Speaking of that Kate wanted to know if we can pick you up for the private graveside service in a few hours, I mean you don*"

"Rick, I wouldn't miss it, text me when you're on the way. Now get back to the party and follow Martha's orders, you never know what powers she may have," as she laughs "Oh and Rick, Kiss Kate, don't hold back she's waited so long."

"Tough orders Boss, but I think I can handle it, he laughs, Text you soon, Bye"

Rick returned to the hall, and noticed Kate had been eyeing the door, and sighed in relief when she saw him.

"Babe, how did it go, you look a little worried?"

"Can we talk, there's a private spot right outside here"

Kate stands up and takes his hand, "Sure Rick, whatever it is please, let's work this out together, OK?"

As they entered the small room, Rick turns to look at Kate, took her hands in his, looked deep into those eyes that he had missed so much, not saying a word. He could see the worry come across her face, then he kissed her, Long Deep and Passionately.

She was startled at first, then she returned the kiss, pouring her love and devotion into her lips and her tongue demanded entry to Rick's mouth. Finally, after both were totally out of air she pulled back.

"Babe, what was that, I mean I loved it, it was everything and more I have been dreaming about for years, but what made you choose now, is everything OK with Darlene?"

Rick smiled, "Yeah, everything is fine with Darlene, that was her order for me to kiss you, she said to start loving you the way you deserve and stop holding back. She's contacted her first love, and asked if I would give her away should they get married, if you're OK with that"

Kate was shocked, "married, Rick, isn't that fast, I mean, well I guess not she did date him for three years and unless he's changed tremendously, true love never dies, and of course I'm OK with it, she's our Best Friend now."

"Kate, she also told me not to fall asleep at the wheel this time, how much longer do we need to know there is no one in this world I want to spend my life with than you, but I want you to take a few weeks. We'll proceed at your speed, just know I'm not running this time, I'm here till you kick me to the curb"

Kate breaks down in tears, kisses him again, with even more passion if it were possible, "Thank You Babe, I do love you with all my heart, but you're right, I do need just a little time, I mean one day I am crying myself to sleep over you, then next I'm by your side. I promise it won't be long, OK?"

"More than OK Kate, I love you, always have, always will and when you're ready we'll move ahead."

They return to the party, if the members of the 12th precinct noticed anything different between them, they were smart enough not to say anything.

Alexis had been monitoring her Dad, watching for signs that the death of Grams wasn't being hidden deep in his soul, a tactic he was so good at doing. What she saw when they returned was two people absolutely glowing in love. She smiled and looked upwards, guess her Grams really did know how to handle her Dad.

The party broke up about an hour later, with Rick thanking every member of the 12th who had come, even talking briefly with Espo and Ryan, hugging and kissing Lanie on the cheek and speaking privately with Captain Montgomery for a few minutes.

Rick texted Darlene they were on their way, and she was in the lobby when the town car pulled up. A short drive to the cemetery, after some evasive driving by Rick's security team to insure privacy, they arrived at the huge building marked Rogers on the outside.

A few moments later the Hearse arrived and for the last time, Alexis, Kate, Darlene and Rick bid their farewell to Martha Rogers, Actress, Mother, Grandmother, and architect of love to reunite the two people she loved so very much. As her coffin was loaded into the vault, a soft version of My Way played, which brought a smile to everyone's face. Yes, she lived her life to the end, doing things her way,

"Rest in peaceful sleep Martha, Thank You for showing me that loving someone and being in love were totally different, we did it, they're back together again" Darlene whispered not knowing that she had been heard by Alexis, Kate and Rick.

Rick smiled, even 2,000 miles separation couldn't stop Mother from having her say, but as always, She had been right all along.

TBC


	23. Chapter 23

If Only

 **by Castlefan6**

Authors Note **:** Thisis my **AU version** of an alternate ending to Love and Die in LA. Some Angst, some canon but mostly AU. All things are the same till the Gantz ending, Previously notes courtesy of Dust Jackets dot com.

I don't own Castle, I use the characters for amusement purposes only

 **Chapter 23**

 **Previously**

"Rest in peaceful sleep Martha, Thank You for showing me that loving someone and being in love were totally different, we did it, they're back together again" Darlene whispered not knowing that she had been heard by Alexis, Kate and Rick.

Rick smiled, even 2,000 miles separation couldn't stop Mother from having her say, but as always, She had been right all along.

 ************************************************************************************/**

 **6 Weeks Later**

 **Castle's Loft**

After the death of Martha, and Rick's in process return to New York, Kate had become a fixture at the loft. She spent some nights, mostly when Rick was commuting to Nevada to wrap things up with the project and Darlene but kept her apartment. Alexis had accepted her in a way she never would have imagined, and they often spent nights just having girl talks.

It was during one of those evenings when Alexis broached the subject of why her Dad had never come home from Los Angeles.

"Kate, you don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to, but the one question I had I could never figure out, was why Dad even went to Las Vegas in the first place. He had called the night before, and sounded so hopeful, then the next day the call came he wasn't coming home and the charade of a new character."

"Alexis, I'm going to tell you what happened as I remembered it, now remember Honey, there is always two sides to a story, and your Dad may have a different memory of those days.

When we began the investigation, I was still numb from Mike's death, almost like it was a bad dream I was trying to wake up from. I loved him, I was 21 years old, a Rookie Cop, scared out of my mind most shifts and I mistook Mike's concern for my safety as his love.

It was very embarrassing, when he had to tell me, that for starters, I was too young, and also that he was my TO, and no matter what, even if he wanted it, which he didn't, nothing could ever happen. He also taught me to keep the job and the heart in separate locations, or I would wind up getting killed, or allowing one of my team to perish because I was concerned with affairs of the heart.

You Dad and I were sitting on the sofa in the living room area at the Four Seasons, and for the very first time we were having a heart to heart, actually opening our hearts to each other. He knew that I loved Mike, and the events but never brought it up, but let me talk about the times Mike and I had shared. He looked into my eyes, and Alexis, I swear, I almost passed out, I felt a jolt of love like I had never felt before.

He told me that I was a puzzle he thought he would never figure out, and again our eyes locked and I felt that same jolt, he scared the hell out of me, I wasn't supposed to love him as much as I felt, but I did.

I screwed it up big time, I turned that magical moment into 7 months of Hell for me, thinking If Only. I ran to my room and by the time I opened the door, your dad's was closing, and I didn't have the courage to walk across and pull him into my arms."

"Kate, you don't have to tell me if this upsets you noticing a tear in her eye that Kate hadn't realized was there, I mean the main thing is that you're here now, and that's what counts."

"Alexis, that's sweet Hun, but I'm telling you this so that if you ever feel for a man the way I felt for your father, Don't let him get away baby, you may not be as lucky as I am to get a second chance. I thank God Darlene was and is the woman she is. It hurts to think about the time when I wasn't first in his life, hell I wasn't in his life at all, but all that's changed now, and I never knew what a big part your Grams played.

You know he asked one question when I flew to Vegas to try to get him back" as Alexis looks bewildered,

"Kate, I never knew that you went all the way out there to try to get my Dad back, oh now I really feel like an Ass for the things I said to you,"

Kate reaches one arm over the young girl, so mature in many ways, but still that little girl in others, and pulled her in close.

"Lexi, I flew out there with the totally wrong attitude, I went thinking how dare he do this to me, never knowing or realizing just how sensitive, and how easily he hurt. We, mostly me, but others as well really did a number on him at the precinct.

I wanted to make him jealous, but totally screwed that up. And then to put the cherry on top of that mess, I lied and of course he caught me, embarrassed and angry at myself, I took it out on him. I have never felt so hopeless as I did the day Gina walked out of the station with her arm around him to spend the summer at the Hamptons, I cried for weeks."

"What, when, He knew better than do reconnect with Gina, I'll*"

"Whoa, Sweetie, he explained, apparently Gina has a boyfriend in the Hamptons, and he didn't want everyone to think he was going there alone when I was supposed to be with Demming, so it was all for show. I have to tell you it woke me up, well at least for a little while."

"What happened then, the Motorcycle Boy Doctor?"

"Yeah, another move to show him I could get someone too, stupid on my part, and all it did was slow down the opportunity for us to be together. Finally I ended it, your Father never brought it up, not once and I was a coward and never told him about it. I used to pretend the guys I went out with was Rick, Stupid I know."

"Damn Kate, I never knew you had it so bad, you had the hots for my Dad, ohhh I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that", as she blushed.

Kate laughed and pulled her even tighter, "Don't be sorry, I did, and I do, I love your Dad more than I love life itself, it took almost losing him to make me wake up. Mike Royce left me a letter when he knew he wasn't going to make it out alive and told me to stop fighting it, don't look back someday and wonder If Only."

"Kate, you know he loves you, and he worries about you, Hell I worry about you, let's face it your job is dangerous and to be honest I don't think my Dad could take it if anything ever happened to you.

I know I have begun to appreciate more things in my life since Grams passed, I know she had a long life, but still none of us know how much time we have."

"What are you saying Lexi, are you asking me to give up being a cop, stop chasing my Mother's killer, and let others do their job?"

"I'm sorry Kate, that's not a fair ask, I know how I would be if someone would have done something to my Dad, I shouldn't have asked"

"No Lexi, you should, you should be able to ask me anything anytime you want, and since you didn't ask, I'll tell you this, I've applied for the Captains position, Roy is really retiring next month and I passed the exam 4 months ago. Although I'm still a cop, I won't be in the field, and it'll be much safer what do you think about that?"

Kate is smothered in a tight hug, and for the first time, she see's Alexis weep, with just the two of them,

"Oh Baby, it's OK, I love you and your Dad and I'm doing everything to stay safe for you, I want to come home to you both, every night. Your Dad hasn't asked me yet, but I'm ready to give him my answer when he's ready to ask."

"Kate, it'll be soon, I've heard him practicing his speech a dozen times, he just wanted to give you enough space and time, but like I said, no one's tomorrows are promised, and I would love to call you Mom soon, would that be OK, I mean maybe you don't wa*"

Kate's tears stream out of her eyes as she holds her tight, "Lexi those are the sweetest words I've heard, I never knew you felt that way. I didn't want to barge into your world and turn it upside down, but nothing would make me happier than to be your Mom."

 **10 Minutes Later**

Alexis is crying, Kate is crying, sitting on the couch hugging when Rick walked in, surprising them when he caught and earlier flight home.

"Is something the matter, Alexis, Kate, please tell me what's wrong"

They both look over as he rushes to them, Alexis pulls him into the hug, as Kate finds his lips and kisses him with all the love in her heart.

"Please tell me what's the matter, whatever it is I'm sure we can fix it, together"

Finally, Alexis gains enough composure to speak,

"Daddy, nothing is wrong, in fact this is the best it's been in a long time. I asked Kate to be my Mom, and she said she would love it, so these are happy tears, not sad."

Rick looks at Alexis, as she comes to him hugging him and again sobbing like she did when she was a little girl, except this time her new Mom was right there rubbing her back as her Dad held her and both were saying they loved her softly.

They spent the evening just talking, Kate could not go without either touching him or being held, and Alexis was the doting daughter, bringing Kate water, tea and finally kissed her on the cheek,

"Mom, I'm going to give you and Dad some privacy. I love you both" as she kissed her Dad on the cheek and went up the stairs.

"Wow, I didn't see that one coming Kate, I mean if*"

Her lips were kissing his passionately, begging to be loved, and holding him so tight, till they finally had to break away.

"I didn't see it coming either, but I was so honored it brought me to tears, then Lexi started crying then you came in, and there's nothing that is going to stop me from being her Mom, if that's what she wants.

Rick when we were in Vegas you asked me one question that I gave you an answer I've regretted since the words were out of my mouth. I took the Captains exam 4 months ago, I passed, and Roy is actually retiring next month so I'm taking over the 12th, it's not officially announced yet, but it's a done deal.

I gave the files about my Mom to Jordan Shaw, and if that's not enough I'll quit the force, and never look back. What ever I have to do to never lose you again Rick, just tell me. I love you so much I could never take it if I screw up again."

Rick looks flabbergasted, shocked, and then finally says, "wait right here", as he hurried to his bedroom and pulled out the 4-carat diamond engagement ring, he had bought the day Kate walked back into his life.

"Kate, are you sure I'm not rushing this, because like you, I could take anything, well almost anything except losing you, I'll wait as long as you need,"

"Babe, Shut up and ask me the question" as her eyes had those sparkles in them,

"Kate, I had this speech all worked, out, oh the hell with it as he dropped to one knee and took her hand, "Kate, my life began the day I met you, through all of the trials, and troubles I held on to the hope that someday you might be mine, today I ask for more, I ask that all your some days, today's, and tomorrows will be spent with me, Katherine Houghton Beckett, Will you Marry Me"

"YES, YES I will marry you Richard Edgar Alexander Rogers Castle"

Then the shouting got even louder as Alexis is jumping up and down screaming Yes, Yes Yes, Finally.

One group hug and Alexis excused herself "with well you guys have some planning to do to make me legal", and laughed as she ran up the stairs

Rick looked deep into Kate's eyes, it was true there was planning to do, but tonight the only planning either had on their minds was 90 feet away, his bedroom. She didn't say a word, but took his hand, led him to the bed, closing the door behind them, and gently slipped one side of her top off, exposing her bare shoulder. That's all it took before Rick took over, and man did he ever.

TBC


	24. Chapter 24

If Only

 **by Castlefan6**

Authors Note **:** Thisis my **AU version** of an alternate ending to Love and Die in LA. Some Angst, some canon but mostly AU. All things are the same till the Gantz ending, Previously notes courtesy of Dust Jackets dot com.

I don't own Castle, I use the characters for amusement purposes only

 **Chapter 24**

 **Previously**

" _Oh Baby, it's OK, I love you and your Dad and I'm doing everything to stay safe for you, I want to come home to you both, every night. Your Dad hasn't asked me yet, but I'm ready to give him my answer when he's ready to ask."_

" _Kate, it'll be soon, I've heard him practicing his speech a dozen times, he just wanted to give you enough space and time, but like I said, no one's tomorrows are promised, and I would love to call you Mom soon, would that be OK, I mean maybe you don't wa*"_

*******************************************************************************/

 **Castle's Loft**

 **6:30 AM Next Morning**

Kate awoke to see the gentle rise and fall of Rick's chest, she propped herself up on one elbow, admiring the diamond ring that is now adorning her left ring finger, and just watched her man sleep. It had been more than she ever dreamed, Rick was kind, gentle, slowly building excitement but God he knew how to make love to a woman.

She had never had a partner that was as concerned about her happiness, her joy, and her climax as much as Rick. In one session, God how many were there she thinks, he drew her anticipation out so long she, Kate Beckett was actually begging him to join. That had never happened before, and as they made love, she realized it was that.

This wasn't sex to relieve the human hunger for gratification, this was two people joining their bodies together in an act of love, now she understood the difference. She gently laid her head on his chest after kissing his cheek ever so softly. His response was to reach for her and hold her tighter, his heartbeat sounded so sweet as she knew she would never be without him again. This was her place, next to him and she would be here till one or both were gone from this earth.

"Someone told me staring is creepy" comes a sleepy voice from Rick

"Well someone was wrong; besides, it's getting caught staring that's creepy. I can't help you never caught me staring at you."

"I did, but I didn't want to risk saying something and you stopping it, so I kept quiet, as hard as that is for you to believe."

He pulls her almost effortlessly with one arm on top of him and kisses her sweetly. As she locked eyes with him, that same jolt of love hit her again, and she smiled.

"What is it, Babe. What's got you smiling so sweet? I mean whatever it is I want to keep doing it" he whispered almost so low she couldn't hear him.

"When I look into your eyes, and then you return the look, and lock on, I get a jolt, almost like a shock from static electricity run through me, and at first it scared the hell out of me. Now I hope that jolt is there the rest of our lives, I know it's you sending your love to me visually."

Rick smiles, "you feel a jolt, really? I thought it was me and I was just imagining it, but they say love is electrifying and one thing is for sure, I do love you Kate, with all my heart."

"Babe, you've proved that over and over and I'm so sorry I was such an idiot tha*"

Rick's lips on her squashes any more words, as he kisses her in a way that wasn't the hot, I have to have you as a few hours ago, rather like I worship you and will take care of you, just trust me type of kiss.

"No more of that, we were both idiots, and enough said. The important thing is that we're here, my little girl asked you to be her Mom before I could ask you to marry me, now what does that say about our family."

A single tear comes to Kate's eye, it just dawned on her, she has a family, a husband, well he will be soon, and a daughter that she loves and loves her. A few months ago, she had a career, a quest to chase the elusive dragon, and a lonely apartment. Today she has a family and will soon be working to solve not only one murder but many as she takes command of the 12th precinct.

"Hey, none of that Babe, nothing to cry about, I mean unless they're happy tears"

"They are Rick, I just realized I have a family, a home, and a career that will let me continue to work on justice, BUT insure I come home to the two people I love more than anything in this world, that is if you're OK with me still working on the force."

There's a long moment of silence, and Kate worried that perhaps she would need to keep her promise and resign, then Rick spoke gently as he held her close,

"I never wanted you to choose between me and your Mom's case, I just needed to know that if you had to you would. You shocked me when you told me you turned the files over to Jordan, and Kate, all I ask is that you keep me working with you should you ever decide to pursue a lead. We're always better together."

This time it's Kate's turn to kiss him deeply and whisper, "I love you Richard Castle, and I have chased the shadow long enough. I want to be your wife, Alexis mother, and if you want, the mother of your future children" as she smiles her evil smile at him.

Rick is wide awake now, pulling her so tight, then looking into her eyes,

"Kate, just to be clear did I hear what I think I heard, you want to be the mother of my future children? Babe nothing on this earth would make me happier, I love kids, and you would be such an awesome mother, look at Alexis, she took you as hers regardless of what I was doing."

"You heard right Rick, I only have one request, I really do want to be married first, the sooner the better so we can start the rest of our lives together, I've wasted so much time we can never get back."

"I understand and agree, How big a wedding would you like, what ever you want is yours just say the word."

"Actually Babe, I would like it small and intimate, Lexi as my Maid of Honor, Dad walking me down the aisle and just our friends for a reception. I always loved the Hamptons would your home be large enough to host the event?"

Rick looks perplexed for a moment, "Kate, this is your first wedding and last, as long as I'm alive, don't you want a little more pizazz than the Hamptons which love is not mine, but **OURS.** It's plenty big enough I just don't want you to settle on something that you won't be happy with later."

"Mr. Castle, I don't want a big lavish event, I have come to grips that marrying someone famous will push my comfort level for privacy. I always wanted a small wedding where we wouldn't get lost from each other, because it became a job greeting and making sure everyone felt important. This is OUR day, and that's all I want to focus on."

"Kate, whatever you want, but I want you to see our home there first, before you choose. When can you take a few days off, and if you like Alexis can come with us to make it a real family trip."

"Actually, I'm off for the next three days, if we can get a shower, ALONE, I'm sore in places I forgot I had" as she playfully swiped at him, then reached up and kissed him, "We can see if Lexi has plans, and maybe do it today."

Twenty-five minutes later and two strong smacks on Rick's backside when he tried to invade her shower Kate is dressed allowing her hair to air dry as she walks into the kitchen to see her daughter smiling at her.

"Good Morning Mom, hope it was as good down here as it was upstairs," and starts to laugh,

Kate turns beet red and begins to stammer her words,

"Gotcah Mom, Dad had his office and bedroom soundproofed when I was little, he would listen to the monitor and he didn't want any noise to block him from hearing my cries."

"Ohhhh You're so gonna pay for that, Lexi, just wait" as she starts to laugh, and Alexis comes to hug her laughing. Kate didn't notice at first but there was a cup that said Mom on it with that Alexis had made her coffee, just the way she loved it, just like her Dad would do.

When Alexis brought it from behind her back, Kate read the words, and begin to tear up,

"Alexis, when did you have time to find a mug, I mean, Thank You this is the most precious gift," as she pulled her close.

"I've had it since you stayed here Mom, I was hoping that you and Dad would see what the entire world could see, and I could give it to you then. I just held on to it, and the hopes that someday you both would wake up."

Rick had started out of the bedroom, but stopped when he heard Alexis and Kate kidding, when Alexis presented her with her favorite coffee in a Mom mug, Rick had to wipe a tear away before entering the room.

"Good Morning Pumpkin, Good Morning Again, Mrs. Castle to be," his smile would have lit up half of New York. "Did everyone sleep well, and pumpkin I heard that trick you pulled on Kate, so she owes you one" as the whole family laughs.

"Alexis could I ask you a question Sweetie, I mean you can say no if you don't want to, but I wanted to ask you first. Your Dad and I were talking this morning, and I think I would like to have the wedding at the Hamptons House, since I've only seen pictures your Dad wants to take me there. If you have flexible plans, we'd love to spend a long weekend, just family. If you have plans, we understand"

"Mom I'm in, I was just going to the library and shopping with Lindsey, but she'll understand, but I thought you wanted to ask me something"

"Well, I'm in need of a Maid of Honor, and nothing would please me more than to have my Daughter standing at the altar with me as her Dad and I become one."

Alexis has a look of terror, then shock, then pure joy, "You really mean it, you aren't pranking me, this isn't getting me back for earlier is it, because if you're serious, I would love to be with the two people I love more than anything in the world on their special day, so Yes, and Mom, I love you" as she teared up and fell into Kate's arms.

"No Pranks kiddo, so it's set, I have my Maid of Honor who will help me plan out the rest, Thank You Lexi, this makes the wedding even more special to me," as she hugs the young girl who has become like her own in such a short time.

 **Hamptons Beach House**

 **4 Hours Later**

Kate had been to the Hamptons before, with her parents, and a few other occasions but never to this part, the Gulf side of the Bay. She was amazed at how beautiful the homes were, and how big they seemed from the road. She had held Rick's hand all the way up, never letting go, even when they stopped to get Coffee and refreshments, her arm snaked around his back and his hers.

Finally, Rick slowed down, and begin to turn into a long drive with gates about 200 feet ahead. Rick stopped and said,

"Well pumpkin, do you want to tell Kate the gate code, it might be hard for her to remember", and smiles.

"Dad, you are such a tease, it's four, one, three, one, nine, and has been since you changed it when Kate stayed with us."

Kate sits almost in awe, "Rick, that's my badge number, why, I mean we hadn't"

"I know but every time I came here, I punched in the gate code and you were with me, and there's been no women here since we met. I'll be honest and say before then yes I was a CAD"

"You were an idiot Dad, let's face it, I mean I'm glad you found Mom, before you wound up like Grams, all the gold diggers you were with."

"Pumpkin, you do know that many of those were arranged just for the press, and they walked in the front door, and when the press left, they left via the back courtesy of Gina and Paula,"

"Hey, it doesn't matter anymore, I'll be the only woman other than you Lexi spending time here from now on, Right Babe?"

"Absolutely and since this will be half yours soon, you can do anything you wish to change it EXCEPT for my office, the only room I call squatters rights to", as he laughs, so happy that Kate chose to defuse the past, much better than he could have.

Kate is totally speechless as she views the magnificent home, the view, he was right the view from his patio, there was none better. As they walk from the 3-car attached garage, Kate notices an Explorer about 3 years old, a 1956 Thunderbird obviously being restored but a lot of work into bringing it back to life had been completed.

She is two steps out of the garage then whirls around and goes back, there it is a Harley Davidson Soft Tail identical to hers, sitting there, with a helmet resting on it's handlebars.

"Babe, I didn't know you rode, you never said a word", then she thought every time he would bring up something similar to Josh, she would shut him down. "Oh Babe, I'm so sorry, I never gave you the chance to tell me anything," a tear comes to her eye.

"Hey, no more of that, like you said the past is gone, we are starting new, no holding on to things that would only hurt you or me. I really did forgive you Kate when we talked in Vegas, I wasn't lying so forgive yourself, please," as he wipes away her tears.

Kate observed during the tour of the home, each room revealing more and more just how sensitive Rick really was. He had one room almost as a shrine to Alexis with pictures on the walls ascending from a tiny little redhead reaching up to hold on to his pinky finger, to her class pictures he must have just added. Placed strategically throughout the room were toys that had been meaningful to her, him or both including the infamous Monkey Bunkey.

Alexis hugged Kate around the waist, "He is very sensitive Mom, he tries not to show it, but he is. I never knew how lucky I was to have him as a Dad until I went to visit my Mother the first time. I was supposed to stay two weeks but the second day she never came home from a date. I called Dad, and he had his security team fly out and fly me back home, I haven't been back since."

"Oh, Lexi I'm so sorry baby, I can't understand how anyone could do that,"

"Yeah, Grams told me you were more of a Mom to me that Meredith ever was,"

"Well, I'm your Mom now and no one is going to hurt you, your Dad or your Grandpa Jim ever again."

The rest of the day was spent visiting shops, restaurants, and just letting Kate get a feel for her new home in the Hampton. Tomorrow she and Alexis were having a Mom Daughter breakfast, just the two of them, then they were going to start planning the events and evaluating the location to insure it would accommodate the wedding.

After dinner that Rick had brought in, he built a fire in the fire pit on the beach. The three sat on a blanket, the ladies on each side of him, and just enjoyed the company. Alexis excused herself after a short while, and whispered in Kate's ear,

"These rooms haven't been sound proofed, yet," then giggled kissed Kate on the cheek, turned to her Dad hugged him and kissed him and said, Good Night Dad, Mom, don't stay out too long and catch cold"

It was magical, how two people could feel the love each other had for the other, without anything more than hugs, gentle kisses and just looking into each other's eyes.

"Rick, this is the place, this is where I want to marry you, make love to you, make babies with you and live our lives till we get too old to walk the path from the house here. I love you and I can't wait to be your wife"

A good old fashioned make out session ended when they both began to feel the chill; the once roaring fire was down to embers as Rick picked Kate up Wedding Style and carried her to the house. Her arms wrapped tightly around his neck, her head on his shoulder, and her heart in his hand, this was what all the love songs meant, she had found her one and done.

A/N Alexis in Canon was my least favorite character, BUT the writers missed a huge opportunity to blend the three into a family by not following up on the time Alexis interned for Kate. There were so many opportunities to bring two or three of them together, yet they chose an apprenticeship with Lanie and the season that doesn't exist to me as the head of Rick's PI Firm working with a Tok, they never connected as a family at least **in my opinion.**

TBC


	25. Chapter 25

If Only

 **by Castlefan6**

Authors Note **:** Thisis my **AU version** of an alternate ending to Love and Die in LA. Some Angst, some canon but mostly AU. All things are the same till the Gantz ending, Previously notes courtesy of Dust Jackets dot com.

I don't own Castle, I use the characters for amusement purposes only

 **Chapter 25**

 **Previously**

 _It was magical, how two people could feel the love each other had for the other, without anything more than hugs, gentle kisses and just looking into each other's eyes._

" _Rick, this is the place, this is where I want to marry you, make love to you, make babies with you and live our lives till we get too old to walk the path from the house here. I love you and I can't wait to be your wife"_

 _A good old fashioned make out session ended when they both began to feel the chill; the once roaring fire was down to embers as Rick picked Kate up Wedding Style and carried her to the house. Her arms wrapped tightly around his neck, her head on his shoulder, and her heart in his hand, this was what all the love songs meant, she had found her one and done._

********************************************************************************/

 **JFK Airport**

 **6 Weeks Later**

Kate was accompanying Rick on the final trip to conclude the project he had started in Vegas with Darlene, everyone knew Rick was coming but Kate's visit was to be a surprise. This would be the last get away for the happy couple as single people, their wedding was 3 weeks away, and God Bless Alexis, she had been a God Send attending to details that would surely had slipped past both Rick and her. She had done such a great job, Rick actually let the Wedding Planner go, handing complete control to his daughter.

As they boarded the plane, each were lost in their thoughts about the last time they had flown together, Rick had been in First Class, and then upgraded Kate after she endured the middle seat for about 5 minutes. Kate seemed to realize what Rick was thinking about,

"Babe, I'm here, I'm yours, and those are only memories, I'm ready to make our own," as she kissed him gently.

He looked at her and smiled, "You always catch me and know exactly what I'm thinking, I'm ready to make new ones too Babe, I love you."

The flight went much smoother and didn't seem half as long when she was sitting by her husband to be, she leaned against him and just snuggled into his arm, as he drew her close. No words needed to be said, as each basked in the love from the other. The flight attendants only asked once, and then left the two alone in their own world.

Lost in her eyes, every time he looked at her, he couldn't believe he was the lucky man to capture the heart of this beautiful lady. She was already the Mom to his daughter who loved her more than the person who actually gave birth to her. If he thought back Martha was right about her, she hurt so much because her heart was capable of so much love.

Kate was lost in her own thoughts with those looks, she thanked the God above for Darlene, for Martha, and for the second chance that had been given her. The old songs all said when you find true love hang on and never let go, well that's what she was doing now. She couldn't think of her life before him, and truth be told she didn't want to. He was her life, her love, her all.

Kate had expected a car service or limo to meet them at the airport, but she heard a voice that sounded so familiar yelling her name.

"Kate, Kate, over here", then she caught sight of Darlene waving and yelling with a smile the size of Texas, with a tall gentlemen right behind her.

"Rick, did you know about this? Kate turns and smiles at her man, you were able to keep it a secret this long, I'm impressed" as she kissed him then ran to hug Darlene.

The two ladies stood hugging each other and laughing, crying and then hugging some more,

"Kate I can't tell you how happy we are to see you, and let me see, Oh WoW, Rick you did good" as she holds her ring finger. "Alexis sent us the Save the Date card, it was a special one from her, asking us if there were any way we could come to please do so, we'll be there."

Another round of hugs as Jim and Rick look at each other,

"Hi Rick, I'm Jim or Jimmy Barnes depending on which era of my life you hear about" he smiled.

"Glad to meet you Jim, or would you prefer Jimmy? I know I don't mind Richard, but I always hated being called Ricky, just me I guess."

"I got use to it a long time ago, so most call me Jimmy,"

The ladies have regrouped, and Jimmy smiled and said Hi Kate, I'm Jimmy and I 'm with Darlene,"

Kate took his hand shook it then gently hugged him, "I feel I know you, we have talked about you so much,"

"Did you check bags Rick?" Darlene asked

"Yeah, we didn't want to mess around with the carry-on routine,"

Kate then notices a driver standing nearby,

"Earl there's two bags marked Castle and Beckett can you get those for us please, Thank You." Darlene says sweetly

"Sure, thing Mam, if you would care to have a drink or coffee, I'll text you when I'm pulling the car around"

"That's so sweet thank you Earl"

Rick and Kate order a beer, while Darlene has a Soda and Jim drinks a black coffee, as they begin to catch up.

"I hope you don't mind Kate, I cancelled your reservations, Jimmy and I have plenty of room, a whole side of the house for you and Rick so we can wrap this up and let you guys get back to what's important."

"Darlene, ?"

"Yes Kate?

"Level with us, where's the ring?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know I'm a Detective, Duhh, your finger has a ring imprint"

Jimmy starts laughing and says "that's twenty bucks Darlene, told you she would spot it"

Darlene takes a chain from around her neck and places a beautiful diamond back on her finger,

"I didn't want to crowd your and Rick's day, Jimmy asked last Friday and it's all new to me."

Another round of hugs and squeals from the ladies

"Darlene I'm so happy for you both, God you both look happy"

"We are, like us all we're getting another chance at this and we're determined not to mess it up."

Kate looks up at Rick, and says, Yeah, "We are the luckiest 4 people on this earth, Congratulations"

The driver pulls up in limo and they talk all the way to Henderson, Rick not familiar with where they are going, finally remembers the new exclusive development Wayne was starting each street would have no more than 4 huge houses, no more than 4 streets to a community.

"New home Jim, this looks great, there really is enough room for two houses"

"Yeah we like it, Wayne built it, and it's kind of nice we can take a shortcut and be at the Vets complex in 15 minutes if needed, and Rick Thank You for all your support in this, it means a lot to us all."

The next 4 days are a whirlwind of meetings, permits, and sign offs and finally, the Grand Opening of the Vets **Next Step Homes** is ready. There were speeches, and many tributes perhaps the most moving was from a Drug Counselor who shared his story how he had been homeless, and through Rick's clinic had gotten off the drugs, and turned his life around. He was scheduled to graduate with his BA in Nursing and was volunteering 10 hours a week at the Veterans Hospital to pay it forward. His heartfelt story brought them all to tears.

He then asked everyone to stand as he called Darlene and Rick to the stage and asked the Mayor to come out, where they were presented with the Humanitarian Award of the year. Darlene couldn't speak so Rick fought through his emotions thanking each and everyone involved in the project. He also challenged them to act when they saw something, change starts with just one person.

"There's a lot of people Darlene and I must thank but three stand out more off the top of my head, Jimmy, Kate and Wayne I see you hiding back there, please join us. These two are our fiancés who have allowed us to do this labor of love.

Wayne will never tell you, but he has donated almost a million dollars of supplies, land and labor, without him we would not be here. Today we open, dedicate and name the first phase as the Todd Marzano Buildings, to honor Wayne's brother who served so gallantly, thank you all for your service,"

Wayne crosses the stage to applause, and shakes Rick's hand, hugs Darlene and Kate and shakes Jim's hand as he whispered," take care of her, she never stopped loving you". Jim nodded, and gripped his hand firmly acknowledging he would do so.

There was a reception for the grand opening with light snacks and beverages, all non-alcoholic and then the day was over before they knew it. As they are riding back to Jim and Darlene's home, Kate is snuggled into Rick, so very proud that he cared to stop, help and make a difference in so many lives. Jim must be reading her thoughts,

"Kate, if you're thinking what I think you are, I agree, we're very lucky to be marrying such kind compassionate people. Neither one had to do this, or work so hard, but I'm so darn proud of them both, and if I'm right that look on your face confirms you feel the same way"

"OK Mind Reader, you're spot on," as Kate smiled, "I am especially proud of them since they started this when they were absolute emotional wrecks, through no fault of yours, but I sure had a hand in making a mess. They fought through it and look at the beautiful result. I know both have changed my life, I don't know where any of us would be if they hadn't met on that flight that day."

"Well Kate, you'll never know just how much you influenced us both, we talked for hours about you, and Jimmy, don't get a big head but you were a hot topic as well, you see you can run from anything but a memory, so make sure they're good."

Jim smiled apparently, he and Darlene had discussed how the whole situation came about, and nothing mattered now but the right people were together.

"Well when you guys fly in for the wedding, please let Alexis know your details and we'll either be there or have made arrangements, OK?"

"You know we will Rick, I can't believe it, three weeks. Rick you know you promised so Jimmy and I are planning ours now, probably in 3 or 4 months and I'll need you to walk me down the aisle, and Kate to be my Matron of Honor, that is if she will"

"Darlene, it would be an honor, but are you sure you want me?"

In her usual direct self, "Now Kate would I have asked you if I didn't, then she softened, who else but my best friend would I ask."

"Then Yes, we'll be here as soon as you set the date, let us know and we'll block anything we have going on. I'm sure Alexis will come, not sure if she'll have a guest or not," as Rick grimaces, "Yes babe, I know she's our little girl but she's of age now, she's a young lady now."

The rest of the evening was spent just relaxing and talking about possible ideas for Darlene's wedding, Kate sharing some things she would have done different. Rick and Kate had the limo set for a 5:00 AM departure to be home mid-day so this was the last chance to see Darlene and Jim till the wedding.

Jim asked they all join hands and then said a short prayer, asking for safe travels for Rick and Kate, and thanking God for good friends, and the path that led them to their true loves. It was a touching moment for them, concerning the history in the room. Kate and Darlene hugged, cried and hugged some more, then Kate stepped back as Darlene and Jim said goodbye to Rick. We'll see you in three weeks, be good to each other and thanks for your hospitality,

Kate had never been happier in her life, she never even thought about the time Darlene was with Rick, that was a lifetime ago, and through Darlene she was blessed to be marrying the love of her life. The flight home again, was made so much shorter when you shared it with the love of your life.

She was so proud of all the good two people could initiate that made life changes to so many. She thought perhaps when we're settled, we could start a program in New York.

"Babe what do you think about me starting something like this for New York once we get established, I mean I don't want to go to the precinct, now that you're not in the field. I'll come take you to lunch every day, but I think I would like to do something like this once we are home."

"Well as long as I could work with you, I really don't know how much longer I want to be away from you and Lexi, or how soon the little ones may be on their way. I could work from home,"

"That's a deal Mrs. Castle, well soon to be"

It was sealed with a kiss at 33,000 feet over Ohio, home state of the hairdresser that helped make this day possible, yes there is a God,

TBC

Perhaps one, two chapters till we call this complete. Thanks to those who stuck it out with me.


	26. Chapter 26

If Only

 **by Castlefan6**

Authors Note **:** Thisis my **AU version** of an alternate ending to Love and Die in LA. Some Angst, some canon but mostly AU. All things are the same till the Gantz ending, Previously notes courtesy of Dust Jackets dot com.

I don't own Castle, I use the characters for amusement purposes only

 **Chapter 26**

 **Previously**

"Darlene, ?"

"Yes Kate? Level with us, where's the ring?"

"What do you mean?"

"Detective, Duhh, your finger has a ring imprint"

Jimmy starts laughing and says "that's twenty bucks Darlene, told you she would spot it"

Darlene takes a chain from around her neck and places a beautiful diamond back on her finger,

"I didn't want to crowd you and Rick's day, Jimmy asked last Friday and it's all new to me."

Another round of hugs and squeals from the ladies

 **Three Weeks Later,**

 **Wedding Day – 1 day 5:30 AM**

 **Hamptons Beach Home**

Kate couldn't believe it; the three weeks had flown by and as she looked out the patio of the Hamptons home in 24 hours or so she would be marrying the man of her dreams. She's lost in her thoughts when her daughter slips in beside her on the glider,

"Hey Mom, everything OK? The limo picked up Darlene and Jimmy and they are at the wedding suite at the Hampton Inn, with the driver standing by to bring them here. Their fight was delayed so I just made alternate arrangements for housing for them,"

Kate looked up with tears in her eyes, and pulls her close to her

"I really don't know what I would do without you, Alexis you have been a God Send to me and your Dad handling this for us, I love you, but I want you to know I appreciate the hard work you have done. Sweetie you've made this a wedding full of love and family."

"Mom, you and Dad turning the full wedding planning over to me, in place of that Wedding Planner with so many big events in her experience, gave me the confidence that you had in me.

Thank You for allowing me to pay back some of the Love I've been given through the years. Dad loves you more than anything in the world, and you make him happy, happier than he's ever been. You complete us both Mom, you didn't know it, but you were the missing piece to make this family complete."

Kate's tears spill down her face as she holds her daughter a little tighter,

"OH Lexi, you, your Dad, and your Grams have made me the happiest woman in the world, I never want to forget that. For years I thought I was chasing happiness, but now I see if your Dad hadn't been, well your Dad, I would still be on that journey to lonely life if I survived. Thanks for being patient with me, and your Dad, I know we frustrated the hell out of you often." As a teary smile breaks through.

"Grams used to say, Patience Kiddo, keep leading the jackasses to the feed trough, they'll eventually figure out what to do." As both break out in laughter,

"Well your Grams was right, as usual. If only I hadn't been so stubborn, *"

"Mom, you weren't the only one, and if I recall I had some attitude adjustments that were needed pretty badly at sometimes, I'm glad Grams was as tough as she was. She knew you were the one, that's why she loved you so much. She left me a note, and told me if you ever married Dad I was to give you these, as your something old and blue," as she opened a box of beautiful sapphire ear rings, with a matching necklace.

"They're not pierced so if you want, just wear the necklace, but she was insistent you received these."

"They're beautiful Lexi, are you sure, I mean these belong to you, you are blood*"

"Grams said you would say something like that so there's a note under the holder in the box, it's from Grams to you. I'm going to go see about some things but Mom, I'm happy you're going to be Dad's wife, we love you." She kissed Kate's cheek and set off with her clipboard by her side.

Kate struggled with trembling hands, to finally pull up the lining of the box, and there in her stationary, was the note folded with Katherine, on it.

Kate took a moment to remember the sweet lady that she loved, almost like her mother, then began to read the note.

" _Dearest Katherine,_

 _If you're reading this, two things have happened, you've agreed to marry my son and I'm gone from this earth, but with you all in spirit. I wanted you to know that Richard has loved you since he first met you, a Mother knows her children, and he changed when he met you, my boyish little man grew up. Thank you for all you have done for this family, Alexis has wanted you to be her Mom since you stayed with us, you have done more for her than her well I'll stop there._

 _Please do me one favor, always remember to put each other first in everything, and never stop dating. If you do that Alexis will have some little siblings as she has always wanted. You may think your Mother and I are gone, but we're not, we're the wind blowing through the pines, we're the clouds floating in the sky, and the wave crashing the beach. Live life Darling, we'll be here to back you up, as you used to say have your Six, I think, anyway._

 _Have a wonderful wedding, and always remember that it's the first day of forever for you both. Wishing you both happiness, know you both are loved still,_

 _Martha"_

Kate smiled through tears at Martha's referral to having your six, she was still with them. As she looked up the sun broke through the clouds, a gentle wind blew through her hair, and she had goosebumps run over her arm, and she knew her Moms were there for her.

 **7:30 AM**

Kate thought Rick had been asleep but in reality, he had witnessed Alexis and her on the glider and her reading the note. He knew from the box, what it was, and also just how much Martha had valued that set. Rick had a surprise of his own, he had enlisted the help of his future father in law, but together they were able to put together a montage of pictures from little Katie's days in the tub, to the day she graduated from the Academy and the badge pinning ceremony.

There was a break in the timeline, obviously the tough times Jim had suffered, so Rick had music overlaid with her parents favorite song, then the pictures resumed all the way up to her saying yes, he had captured that on the security cam and had it cleaned up and edited.

There had been enough footage of home movies for Tori to capture her Mom's voice and she then used technology to simulate a wedding day message to her, one Jim wrote.

Rick really hoped it would make her happy not sad but he wanted to give it to her today so she wouldn't cry all day tomorrow, her wedding day.

Jim and Darlene's limo pulled up just as he had finished the final edits, and place the thumb drive securely in his pocket, he'd pick the time to show her when it was right. Squeals come from the house as both Alexis and Kate made a beeline to the car.

"Darlene, I'm so glad you made it, I'm sorry I had to change arrangements but I thought that would give you more privacy coming in late, and you could arrive when you woke."

Darlene pulled her into a hug, on Alexis, it's so good to see you, My Gosh, you've grown so much, and the arrangements were perfect. This is Jimmy Barnes, my fiancé, Jimmy this is Alexis, Kate and Rick's daughter."

It wasn't lost on anyone that Darlene had made it known she was Kate's daughter, she knew just how much love the two had for each other.

The day flew by, since it was only going to be Alexis as Maid of Honor, and Mayor Bob Weldon as Best Man, the rehearsals were over and done in less than 45 minutes. By 4:00 PM all the guests from the city had arrived, Captain Montgomery and his wife, Kevin and Jenny, Javi and Lanie, and Maddie and her guest. Alexis had set two empty chairs facing the altar, one to represent each Mom, and rather than present a rose to the parent, Rick and Kate would lay the rose on the empty chair and return to the altar, yes Alexis had even thought of that.

Alexis checked in on Kate who was with Darlene, Maddie, Lanie and Evelyn Montgomery taking advantage of the in-home massage service.

"Mom, you OK, do you need anything?"

"Just one thing Sweetie,"

"What do you need Mom, I'll get it right to you?"

"Baby I need you to relax, you have worked yourself to death, it's perfect, I couldn't have dreamed it any more perfect than you've made it. Would you join us now that massage table is yours"

Alexis walked over kissed Kate on the cheek, "Sure Mom, be right back."

 **Hamptons Beach House,**

 **6:30 PM**

Rick had chosen to have catered meal brought in, and after it was complete, he asked Kate to come with him as the rest followed. Jim was on her side as they walked into the theater room, and all filled in behind.

"Kate, I hope you like this, I'm giving it to you today because I don't want all our wedding pictures with you crying, people will get the wrong idea" as the crowd laughs.

Jim sits in a chair on one side, Rick on the other side. Can we have the lights please, then he presses the small remote, the pictures begin to appear floating on one at a time to form the montage,

"Dad, I should kill you, my baby pictures in the nude," she laughs with tears in her eyes,

As she continues to watch her eyes tear as Mike Royce pins her shield on her, and salutes, then the music of her parents as musical notes float across the screen, then the picture of her Mom just three weeks before she was murdered sitting on the couch,

The tears are pooling but not falling yet, then she hears a voice she hasn't heard for years,

" _Katie, you know I'm with you in Spirit, and if these words are messed up, blame your Dad, I didn't get a vote in what I was saying, then her beautiful laugh echoed out. We want you to know how proud we are of you, your decision, and the woman you are. Always chase happiness over anything my Darling Daughter, you're in good hands now, just be there for your family, it's time to live your life, and remember, I'm always only a breath away, we love you, don't we Jim, as Jim's voice could be heard Yes Dear"_

Laughter gently spreads, as Kate, looks at Rick then her Dad,

"How did you do that, it really is Mom's voice and Dad's standard answer yes dear" as she turns to hug him.

Rick see's that the gift is priceless and not hurtful as Kate turns to him, "I love you more than you'll ever know, Mom would have loved you, and Rick, this gift if priceless. How did you do that, Mom never recorded anything."

Rick smiled and gave his answer, "I know a guy,"

Kate smacks him and then kisses him forgetting there was anyone else around finally when they broke for air, there was applause coming from their friends.

At 9:00 Rick and the Gentlemen guests were headed to the hotel, to allow the women to finish the preparations, in reality a chance to gossip more about them. The next morning Alexis had arranged a light breakfast for the ladies at the Beach House, and Rick for the men at the hotel. The ceremony began at 11:00 AM, and Alexis was firm, "be here no later than 10:30 AM, don't make me look for you", as they all laughed but knew she was serious.

 **Hamptons Beach House**

 **Wedding Day 10:30 AM**

The car carrying Rick and all of the male guest who had stayed at the hotel arrived right on schedule. Rick and Uncle Bob were ushered to a side room, by the pool, as Alexis came in to check on them both, looking lovely and far more mature than the 16 years of age she was,

"Alexis, your beautiful pumpkin, and Thank You for all of your hard work to make this day special, it means so much more than you know,"

"Thanks, I know Daddy, Mom deserves happiness, and that's what she's going to get starting today, Uncle Bob let me straighten your tie and we'll be ready to start in just a few minutes, listen for your cue OK Daddy?"

"I will Sweetheart, Love you"

"Love you too," and she was off,

As Rick and Bob double check, yes Rick had his vows, Bob had the rings, what was the cue again, oh yes, the song From This Moment by Shania Twain.

Across the house on the other side, Kate and Alexis were going through a similar check list, as Kate was a little nervous,

"Mom, your beautiful stop worrying and enjoy your day, please." As she kissed her gently on the cheek, making sure not to disturb the makeup.

The music begins to play as Rick and Uncle Bob walk slowly down the white draped aisle on the grass, to take their positions by Reverend Bleeker, once they are in position, the music fades and Alexis steps out to I Will Always Love You, and begins her walk down the aisle, a short distance behind is Jim and Kate, looking more beautiful than Rick had ever saw her. After all are at the altar the music fades and the Reverend steps forward.

"Dearly Beloved we are gathered today to witness, celebrate and support the forming of one union from two very dear friends, Richard Castle, and Katherine Beckett. I ask at this time, who giveth this woman to be wed?"

Jim answered in a firm voice, "I, James Beckett her father do", as he placed Kate's hand in Ricks, lifts her vail and kisses her cheek, she returns the kiss, and Jim sits beside the two empty chairs.

"Friends, for all who know this couple, we all applaud, and say About Time", as laughter rings out from the crowd. "For all the guests who are here, and if you look around you, each are very special to this couple who wanted this service to remain as intimate and close as they are to each of you. We are missing two very huge components of the couple's life, Johanna Beckett, and Martha Rogers are with us in spirit today, the bride and groom will honor their presence now,"

Rick and Kate join hands, each with a rose, walk to the two empty chairs beside Jim, placing a rose, on each chair, and returned to the altar.

Friends, family, join with me as we say to Rick and Kate,

Your wedding day is one that seems to fly.

It's a day filled with emotion, friends, rings and dances.

Many people remember how fleeting their own wedding day was.

So, I want you to take a few seconds to look onto each other's eyes.

Think about the happiness that you're feeling in this place, in this moment.

Really let that feeling register in your heart and your mind.

Now, I want you to think about your life together in twenty years.

Where are you?

What are you doing?

We all know that your visions of the future are not identical, but always complementary.

Someone once said, "a dream you dream alone is only a dream.

A dream you dream together, that is reality."

And for Kate and Rick, that reality starts now.

Each have prepared their vows, Katherine, please turn to Rick and recite your vows of marriage to him;

 _ **The moment that I met you, my life became extraordinary. You taught me to be my best self. To look forward to tomorrow's adventures. And when I was vulnerable, you were strong. I love you, Richard Castle. And I want to live my life in the warmth of your smile and the strength of your embrace. I promise you, I will love you. I will be your friend. And your partner in crime and in life. Always.**_

 _ **They take a second to linger before CASTLE pulls her ring out of his pocket and slips it on her finger, right above her engagement ring.**_

 _ **The moment we met, my life became extraordinary. You taught me more about myself than I knew there was to learn. You are the joy in my heart. You're the last person I want to see every night before I close my eyes. I love you, Katherine Beckett. And the mystery of you is the one I want to spend the rest of my life exploring. I promise to love you, to be your friend and your partner in crime and life, 'til death do us part and for the time of our lives.**_

By the power vested in me by the state of New York, I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may kiss your bride, as cheers erupt from the small crowd.

They made it, all the way to husband and wife. Their journey had been filled with many twists, turns, hurts, and miscues, but they kept battling, and as a good friend once said, now they would never have to look back and wonder If Only.

A/N The vows are directly quoted from Dust Jackets Dot Com, Epd 7 06, couldn't write anything better.

 **This concludes If Only** , Thanks to all those who stood by me, supported me, even when you had your doubts where the end would wind up at. Thanks for trusting in my judgement.

This story took a toll on me, in patience, in trying to understand the human psyche, and in the attitude of many readers, some in 4 different languages to feel they have the RIGHT to say anything at all, including wishing I was dead. What a sad sick lonely mess of human cells you must be.

I was disappointed with the number of Favorites and follows, I never plead for them as some authors do, and some reviewers concentrating on the nitpicking when I churn out 2-3 chapters daily, there is a recent update from a story started in 2013, which to me is ludicrous. I'm not quitting, but I am stepping aside, just as Pen to Paper said, there is a limit we all can tolerate.

For those loyal enough to stick with me all the way your kind words meant more to me than you know. For those who have sent apologies, all is forgiven but like nails in the fence once said the hole stays.

Later,

Tim


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